Charcoal and Feathers
by Alaena Night
Summary: Vash and Knives, twin brothers teetering on the edges of two extremes, one determined to save humanity and the other determined to extinguish it. Both brothers, however, are determined to save each other. Sadly, plans too often go astray... [PostAnime]
1. Prologue: Wandering

**Prologue: Wandering**

**Disclaimer/Notes:** _Trigun is not my creation, though I sometimes dream it is. The characters are not mine, and I am making no profit from this story.__This story is placed after the final fight, somewhat ignoring the final and obscure flash of Vash returning to Millie and Meryl in the end. I hope you like it! Please leave your thoughts. Reviews are my life! And don't worry...those insurance girls will show up soon enough._

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Wavering pinprick stars danced over the sand and sky as he walked. Each footstep sent jolts of pain through injured legs. The heat of two suns bearing down on him made the blood on his bare shoulders painfully warm, yet Vash ignored every unpleasant sensation, forcing himself to move one foot in front of the next, just as he had for the last four hours and for several days before this one. Every step he took brought him closer to home, to rest.

If he kept reminding himself of that, he might just make it.

Vash sighed, searching the wavering horizon for any sign of life or movement. He saw none. It wasn't like it was a horribly big surprise, but it still made the weight on his shoulders feel heavier than ever. For a brief moment, he wondered if he'd ever make it to a town. The settlements on Gunsmoke were few and far between.

He shook the thought from his head. He had to. No maybe or if or but about it...if he didn't make it, Knives would die.

A wave of dizziness made the dancing silver stars converge and waver. Vash coughed through a parched throat and fell to one knee, ignoring the pain that surged upward from the barely congealed wound, and laying his brother down carefully on the scorching sand. He just needed a few seconds of rest, that was all.

He gasped in a sharp breath and, with still faded vision, checked on Knives. The bandages on his arms were still warm and dry, but blood had begun to seep from the stomach wound. Vash felt a surge of fear as he looked at the pale and sweaty face of his own brother. _Did I do this?_

It hurt to look. He'd felt so much pain in his life. It made him feel sick to imagine that he had done to someone else what so many others had done to him. _I _had_ to do it! _His sins glared up at him from the ground.

Five bullet holes. One in each leg and each arm, and one in the stomach.

_Knives got what he deserved! He killed Rem. So many other humans never got the chance to open their eyes again because of Knives. Hundreds of thousands of lives...lost forever. Little boys and girls were denied a future because of his reckless and heartless actions._

Vash sighed. _This...is the only way. Somehow, I will work things out._

Vash reached out to lift his brother onto his shoulder again, but his grip was too weak. He sat back on the sand, drawing a shallow breath that caught in his throat. A logical part of his mind knew that if he cared for himself now, it would be easier to care for Knives, but the rest of him strangled that thought.

He did not have the luxury of spending time on himself! Knives was hurt. No matter what his brother had done in the past, Vash had caused this pain and it was he who was responsible for securing his brother's safety. And now it was time to get moving. Vash clenched his teeth and forced his body to cooperate. Every time it hurt too much, he let a bit of breath out until he was to his feet again.

I will not fall. I won't fail to save you this time, Knives. No matter what it takes.

Those thoughts gave him a kind of peace, and from that moment on, all that he cared about was one foot and the other one that inevitably stumbled in front of it. Nothing else mattered, because nothing else existed in those perfect, silent moments.

Though the wind that journeyed from the sky to his face was burning hot, it sent shudders of weakness through his body. That didn't matter, though. Vash tucked everything away and walked on, not realizing that his own blood dripped down his black bodysuit into the nearly molten sand, leaving a trail of sizzling droplets. Ahead, the sunlight made tantalizing rivers of deceptive illusion, but every time Vash got close, they vanished like mist.

After what seemed like centuries of walking, he couldn't take even one more step. A surge of nausea and weakness rolled through him from the center of his body outward, leaving ice in its wake. _So cold..._

Vash tried to walk forward, but his legs gave out on him and he plunged into the sand, body shuddering as if trying to rid itself of the ice that chilled his bones. He felt like retching but couldn't bother with something so trivial, not when movement was a near impossibility. "Knives..."

His brother had slipped gently from his sodden shoulder to the sand, and there he rested peacefully, chest rising and falling with a steady rhythm. Knives was fine. His wounds were clean and cared for.

Only then did Vash acknowledge that he was the one in danger.

He rolled over, cursing fate and his stubborn brother. Wind swept over him, through his hair that lay limp over his eyes with cold sweat. His stomach rebelled and he lifted himself up with his hands and let his head hang, waiting for the nausea to pass. He retched but nothing came out. How fun.

Vash let himself rest in the freezing sand. He didn't want to sleep, but the world around him did a crazy dance and faded to black...blacker than a moonless night, blacker than death. A part of him welcomed it. More than thirty iles from the nearest town, where only the desolate cry of the wind intruded, the silence here was beautiful.

Get up! Wake up and keep going!

He ignored reason's demands as he faded deeper and deeper into unconsciousness, where things like thirst and fever did not exist.

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**Note:** So, what did you think? Good, bad, ugly? **Please review!** This is my first ever Trigun fanfic! I'd desperately appreciate any feedback you could give. Thanks for taking the time to read! Please excuse any minor errors...lol, it may just be my computer, but some of the words seem to run together when I try to save this. (grumbles) _They're stealing my spaces. Space thieves..._ Anyway, I hope that you liked this and dare to take a peek at the next chapter.


	2. Brotherly Love

**Brotherly Love**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Trigun. (Takes a moment to sob.) I'm not making any profit from this story. Wait, strike that! Reviews make me happy. Would that count as profit?_

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Knives awoke to the sound of soft breathing and gruffly mumbled complaints. His eyesight returned too slowly, taking several long seconds to adjust. At first, all he was aware of was pain. Every part of his body pulsed with agony so kindly sent from damaged nerves to his brain, one part of him that was unfortunately still functioning with reasonable clarity.

As his other senses adjusted, he was aware of sounds. A soft female voice drifted up from somewhere close. He opened ice blue eyes to look up at the girl. She and an older man were lifting a pale Vash from the back of a jeep where Knives now lay. The man pulled Vash head first from the truck, grabbing him under the arms and letting his feet drag the sand.

The girl just stood there, wide gold eyes blinking lazily over a nervous frown. Both lips were sucked between her teeth, a nervous habit that made Knives' patience grate. Vash's head was down, his usually spiked hair haphazardly strewn over his face, covering up closed eyes. His breathing was shallow.

"What are you doing to him?" Knives demanded, cold voice rising with anger and disgust. He tried to sit up, but pain surged through his body. He slammed to the filthy metal again, unable to catch himself. He'd bit his tongue. Knives coughed and spit warm blood onto the muddy truck bed.

He despised this weakness.

The human reached in and put a small hand on his chest. Pain reverberated upward from her feather-soft touch. "Shh," the girl chided, a wide grin on her face. "You're hurt, too. Be careful! I found you two when I was riding my thomas. You're lucky uncle has a car!"

"Don't you _dare_ touch me." His voice was fainter than he would have liked, tainted with weakness. Knives swatted the girl's hand away despite the pain it caused, noticing the carefully applied bandages on his stomach, arms and legs. His voice came out a malicious hiss when he said, "Did you do this?"

Another smile crossed her lips, truly compassionate, but those eyes held a bleak emptiness that was unnatural considering her age, which Knives guessed to be about sixteen. "No... I actually found you like this, all fixed up. We're at the doctor's place now. He can make your friend all better."

Vash had done this to him, yet he had still bandaged the wounds? Apparently the mercy he'd shown to these undeserving humans stretched to his kin, as well. "My _brother_... And leave him alone. Your dirty hands will defile him more than you people already have."

The girl stared blankly at him for a moment, and Knives felt his arm twitching. He could feel the warm rush of possibility. He wanted to kill this child. "Oh. He's...your brother," she muttered at last, realization dawning in her shallow gold eyes.

Each word she spoke was measured with care before it poured from her lips, devoid of emotion. She sounded like a child a third of her age. "You two _look_ like you're brothers, I _guess._ He's in real bad shape. He's got a horrible fever but he's shivering real bad, too. I sure hope he's gonna be okay."

"He'll be fine. Now _put him back down_." Blood and spittle came from his mouth, forming a frothy substance that he wiped away from his mouth with a weak, almost unresponsive fist.

The girl bit both lips again, fear swimming in tears that lit her eyes. "You're not nice. U-uncle? The mean man says to put him down."

The uncle's bulky body towered over Knives. As if he'd ignored every demand, he lifted Vash so that his limp form was cradled in both muscular arms, like that of a sleeping child. "I'm afraid I can't do that, son. His wounds are plain filthy, unwrapped...I'm surprised he was walking at all. He'll be lucky if he makes it through the night. Now Bob Fraser is the best doctor I know. Anyway, you sure as hell can't help him in your condition. Dalia, call Bob out here, okay?"

The girl nodded and rushed off. In moments, an old man came out with an assistant, and Dalia's uncle laid Vash onto the stretcher they carried. They went inside. Dalia took one look at Knives, who flicked his bloody tongue at her, and she ran inside. Knives smiled to the sky.

_Do you fear me, itsy bitsy spider? That's good..._

Dalia's uncle glared down at Knives, who returned the gaze with increasing intensity. He took Knives roughly by the shoulder. "Don't you dare scare my niece, you bastard. She used to be such a kind person, an intelligent girl. She wanted to become the Sheriff here, God help her. No woman could take that place, but she was so...so _determined._" He let Knives go, the anger in his face fading to a deep sorrow. "Then she had to get shot. She's never recovered, not to the way she was before. She'll always be simple like this, always innocent. I love her! She's been like my daughter since her parents were killed. If anyone touches her, I'll kill them with my own hands."

"How touching. I'd cry if I actually cared."

"It's time to bring you inside. You're not going to heal just sitting here."

Knives batted away the man's attempts at help."I'll walk by myself, thank you." _I'll kill you later, spider. This doctor may not work well over dead bodies, and Vash...Vash. I cannot help him now._

The man sighed and stood back as Knives lifted himself upright, moving gingerly to the open back of the truck. The pain was blinding, making an entertaining kaleidoscope of colors in front of his eyes. He landed on the ground with a puff of dust. At last, he was standing. It hurt like hell, but he was upright. Knives took a step, then another, while the fat human trailed behind him. He felt the carefully wrapped bullet wounds tearing with the effort of staying upright, sending warm blood into the bandages, but he wasn't about to give that pitiful spider the pleasure of watching him fall.

He did anyway. A few steps away from the stairs, he stumbled, and the fat man grabbed under his arms to keep him from smacking the ground. He felt muscles tear with the strain of supporting him.

Far from appreciating the man's assistance, Knives felt violated. He shuddered, close enough to smell the man's bitter stench, the stench inherent to this entire filthy race. "I said I will walk," Knives whispered. "Let me go or I will kill you." His tone was calm and dangerously pleasant throughout, as if he was making small talk.

A smile touched his pale face, but it was not a smile in the truest sense of the word. It was sharp like a blade, dripping with sarcasm, and it was what made the man let him go. Knives' legs shook as his weight was forced on them, but he lunged toward the railing and caught it, using it to lift himself up each step. The man watched with wary eyes, ready to catch him again if he fell. "Leave me," Knives ordered.

Dalia's uncle shook his head, edging past Knives into the doctor's building. Once Knives had reached the door, he let himself rest there, placing his hand over the wound on his stomach. When he pulled it away, his palm was specked with criss-cross blood patterns. _Damn, it bled through. _He walked into the filthy clinic, not daring to rest in any of the seats despite the way his vision dipped and swirled. He settled for leaning against a wall. He closed his eyes and listened to the frantic commands from the doctor and nurses.

_How can you stand these imperfect creatures, brother? How can you have lived among these dogs for_ so long_ without realizing what they are? They are leeches, brother. They're leeches and traitors, because not only do they suck the life from our sisters, they will turn on each other for profit. They will kill, even eat the flesh of their own kind. _

_You say I don't make any sense, dear Vash, but I have seen it. They're savages. Even with the memoirs of their betrayal carved into your body, irreparable, you still walk among them as if you are one of them. You shot me? Why not turn the gun on yourself, or on these precious insects of yours? Like that disgusting woman whose words you hail, you are nothing but a mass of contradictions. That woman Saverem corrupted you, brother. _

Anger seethed through his veins as he saw a nurse rush past with a bowl of heated water and a towel already stained with dirt and blood. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this, Vash." He let himself slide down the wall to the floor. A nurse soon found him but he insisted he manage the rewrapping of the bandages by himself. The quicker he did it, the quicker he'd be able to keep tabs on what those savages did to his brother, anyway.

Knives found a dark room and unwrapped the bandages on his legs first, using a rag to wipe some of the blood away. The wounds were through and through. God, it hurt. Vash had done a good job. He got as far as loosely wrapping the first one before he nearly blacked out. The pain was grating, blinding, unbearable, slicing through muscle and bone and lodging itself in his skull. There was not a single part of him that didn't hurt. He hated pain. It made him feel so human, like these unimportant parasites that carried their lives on around him. Forcing those thoughts out of his mind, he made himself wrap the bandages tighter. He'd redo the ones on his arms some other time. As for his stomach... Knives couldn't bring himself to look. If only he was at his home, he could heal these markings. He smiled acidly as he thought of the man who'd given them to him.

Vash, dear Vash. Just wait, when you wake up—when you're okay again, it's not you who will save me, but I who will save you. I'll save you from yourself, no matter what it takes.

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**Yay, the second chapter!** What do you think? I would desperately appreciate feedback. (Gets down on hands and knees and stares at reader with big puppy dog eyes) _Yes, you... _Please? (Pushes review button closer)


	3. Painful Empathy

**Painful Empathy**

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Trigun or its characters. I only own this atrocity of a story. Hope you like! I'm not against honest and well-intentioned criticism, so if you catch a pesky typo I missed, a character that's out of character, or a timeline discrepancy, don't hesitate to tell me. I'll love you forever if you do._

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_I hate this place. Its smell is sickening, tainted with the artificial fragrance meant to hide the stench of rotting flesh, and blood dried into these gouged floors._

Since throwing up would not have been in good taste, Knives sat by Vash's bedside, trying absently to contact his stubborn brother telepathically. He'd been trying this for the last week, and had gotten nothing useful out of it. Once he'd been able to peek in on Vash's tortured, delirious dreams, but because he was not yet strong enough to withdraw, he'd had to suffer those horrible memories until he had blacked out.

Knives closed his eyes in evening's pleasant darkness, but those images...those memories still lingered in the blackness behind his eyes. He'd seen pain, helplessness and heart-rending sorrow as Vash had been tied down and beaten. He had watched those repulsive scars being born, and it had hurt him more than if they were being carved into his own body, because his stupid brother did _nothing_. Knives blinked away the images and slammed his fist against the railing of the bed, scattering the memories to the edges of his mind.

"It's stupid, Vash! How can you hold on to the vain belief that these these vile humans can change? How can you just lay there and not fight back?" In a soft voice that echoed over a hundred lost years, he whispered, "You don't make any sense, Vash."

His brother writhed in the bed, a savage moan escaping his lips, and Knives placed a hand on Vash's forehead. He pulled it away immediately, shaking it and staring in surprise. "Vash..." He looked around, but there were no nurses in sight. He hated the fact that for a moment he thought that he had needed one. He stared at his hand again and gently pressed it to Vash's forehead, just to be sure.

He was burning with fever, his face flecked with sweat. _Damn! Hadn't those parasites gotten rid of it? Hadn't they said he was improving?_

Knives clenched his teeth until they fit like iron clamps. In the silence of the hospital, even Vash's soft moans seemed to be screams for help. Vash's eyes darted restlessly beneath closed lids and his real arm—the right one—clenched as if reacting to pain. Knives' body tensed and he stared down on Vash. "Wake up now, you idiot!"

The waiting was so nerve-wracking. He had shot Vash with the intention of taking him down. He had not meant to kill him. He had only hoped that he'd learned from the one hundred years of painful life with those beings he deemed worthy of his time...of his life.

But Vash had not changed, and Knives supposed he never would, at least not without some intensive coaxing, which, after the Gung-Ho Guns' obvious failure to teach his brother the fulility of the human condition, would fall to Knives. He had at least forced Vash into activating his Angel Arm, serving as a reminder that he was nothing like those with which he fraternized. He was better, so much better. He had not yet realized the full potential of his abilities, though.

Knives had not yet learned everything, but he had not spent the last hundred years lounging around, either. His abilities were honed to precision. There were many things he had not revealed to Vash.

Still, though, after all that had happened, Vash had not changed his mind. _That woman..._ "Rem Saverem," Knives hissed. It hurt his lips to speak the name aloud. She had changed his brother, twisted his mind.

"Help..."

Knives' head snapped up. The whisper was so pained and small that it was barely audible. _'Vash, what's wrong?' _He sighed, not expecting any answer.

An answer came, though, in the form of a telepathic cry. _'It—it hurts, Knives, make it stop! Rem! Rem, please...'_

Knives went still in his chair. This was the first time he had gotten any kind of response from his brother in these last few days. _'It's only me here, brother. That woman is thankfully long dead. What's wrong? __I can't help you if I don't know.'_

_'Steve...he...he hates me, doesn't he? That's why he hurts me. Will they ever accept us?'_

Remembering the perverted crewman on the SEEDs ship, Knives' lips curled. _'No, they won't. It's about time you realized that. You see, they can't accept that there are beings superior to them.'_

_'S-stop it!'_

Knives was about to reply, but then he realized that Vash was not speaking to him. His attention had been drawn back to his delirious dreams.

Knives couldn't explain why, but he could almost feel his brother's fear. It was like something natural, something in the air.

A tinge of pain flickered through him, and he flinched. The pain was not his own, but one that had traveled down the remnant of a link the twins had shared when they were young. Knives thought the link between them had been severed after he'd finally come to his senses about humans, but it had apparently just been blocked. Maybe by both of them. In their weakness now, both of them were off guard, and it was just like when they were little again...

He felt a jolt of adrenaline born from a terror not his own, and his lips pursed. Why did Vash's dreams have to be so horrible?

Of course, he didn't think many of his brother's memories could possibly be pleasant. After all, he'd spent so long among these animals. What they had done to him...it was unforgiveable.

Knives felt a calm envelop Vash. Though he was glad for the feeling, curiosity took over and he took a peek into his brother's mind. What he saw made his stomach turn. There was that short black-haired woman and the tall simple one, and a hazy memory of that smoking priest he'd sent to make sure Vash didn't get himself killed. Memories of their time together flashed over Vash's memory and across Knives' mind. He broke the connection and leaned back.

On a good note, at least Vash wasn't moaning anymore. In fact... Knives put a hand on his brother's forehead and drew it back. Vash's temperature was a lot closer to Knives' own. A million thoughts raced through his mind, but he ignored them, insisting to himself that what he needed was to get Vash out of this place...now.

Knives tested his balance. Both legs had healed quickly, and though it ached horribly, he was mobile. He and Vash would leave this place tonight. Their was minimal staff at the hospital since it was so late, and the nurses stayed away from here for a few good reasons. Knives had already scared most of them away, but they didn't often come in because Vash's recovery had progressed to a point where he was in no immediate danger.

If anyone got in Knives' way, anyway, there was no reason not to kill them.

With Vash's arm draped over his shoulder, Knives edged around the light, trying to keep moving, trying not to be seen. It wasn't the best choice to carry Vash, but the wheels on that bed squeaked too much. Knives made it to the front door and opened it silently, but a soft voice stopped him.

"What are you doing?" The voice was tired, filled with sleep and innocent curiosity.

It was the girl who'd brought them here.

"Go back to sleep."

"I heard that you two were getting better but it's not good to go off when you're hurt, I think. I don't think it's good at all because if you get hurt again then my uncle won't have a car and I'll still be here."

She blinked and gave him a smile. Her amber eyes were large and shining in the darkness, pale hair mussed from sleeping. She grinned at his silence.

"I guess you're wondering why I'm here."

Knives wasn't.

"It's because I'm worried about you and I like talking to your brother. He's really funny! We talk so quiet that no one else can hear it, though. Not even if they're sitting right beside us! The nurses must think that I'm silly, but they let me in sometimes because they say that he feels better when I talk to him. He thinks so too."

Knives looked at the little girl. "You can't talk to him."

"I do! One day I was thinking really hard and then I heard another voice. It scared me at first but I'm not scared anymore. Why are you taking Vash away?"

Knives frowned. He supposed it was possible that, because of Dalia's difference to everyone else, the strength of her internal thoughts may have allowed her to talk to Vash. How was she doing it, though, while he couldn't? "We have to go. Stop your talking."

"But...I was staying up because I wanted to talk to him. Can't I say goodbye? He's afraid now, I think. He doesn't want to leave."

"He's leaving, and so am I. Where are the keys to the fat man's car? Your uncle."

"Oh, I have them. He lets me drive even though the people think he's mad. He's not mad, though. I'm a very good driver." She curled a lock of hair around her finger, tucking it between her lips.

"Give them to me, then."

Her voice rose with childish rebuke. "That's bad! Stealing things is wrong. My uncle says not to do things like that, and he only has one car."

Knives walked closer to her. "Don't speak so loudly! Give the keys to me."

The girl looked so mature, like the kind of disgusting thing that would shove her perfect body on anything male, but the only thing he saw as he walked closer was surprise and complete emptiness in those eyes. "No!"

"Be quiet!" Before he knew it, he had dropped Vash to the ground. He allowed his arm to transform, and a knife slid between his fingers, ready to be flicked. He hurled it at Dalia, pinning her through the throat, all the way to the back of the seat. He dug in the pocket of her loose, lacy shawl, and extracted the key even as it was covered with her rushing blood.

"I appreciate your cooperation," he murmured, pocketing the key. Looking at the girl, he felt nothing at all, like a human would feel if they stepped on a bug. No...perhaps he did not feel quite that way. Satisfaction welled inside of him.

Dalia strained against the knife, trying to cry out. She couldn't. Blood gurgled out of her mouth and nose, and tears silently stole down her cheeks. The look on her face was not hatred or fear. It was not even pain. It was depthless sadness. Her emotions were so strong they stained the air around her. Knives understood now how she could have spoken to Vash. Though she seemed simple, everything about her was very strong. Knives still stood close, but he backed up as her rapid movements stilled. She reached out a shaking hand to him.

Knives touched the outstretched fingers with the tip of his hand and pressed. It was not even strong enough to stay up, and it dropped to her lap. Every movement ceased, her eyes still partly open. Knives smirked and turned to the hall, ready to take on anyone who had heard the brief exchange. No one came. He let his arm return to normal, sighing and turning to pick Vash up again.

His brother had curled into a ball and was shaking, murmuring incomprehensible words. Vash rubbed his hands together as if trying to rid them of their skin.

_Oh..._ "Damn it!" _Why had he not realized it? If he could feel Vash's emotions, why shouldn't the opposite be true? Vash must have _felt _that... _Knives winced.

The ups and downs of his brother's recovery suddenly made sense.

Vash shied away from Knives' touch. His frantic cries attracted attention. The little clinic was waking up, and the sounds of hurried footfalls echoed down distant corridors, rapidly coming closer. Knives wiped Dalia's slick blood from his hand and dragged his brother up, despite his resistance. "You're coming with me, Vash!"

He could not take the time to be gentle. Knives threw Vash into the back seat and jumped over the passenger side door, sliding into the driver's seat with ease. He started the car's ignition. It ground and sputtered for a moment, giving the doctor time to run out the front door and fire a shot off at the car, but Knives jammed his foot down on the accelerator and roared out of the lot, clouds of dust following in his wake, lit silver by the light of the moons.

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**Author's Notes: **Thanks for reading! **How did I do with Knives' viewpoint?** All this is new to me, and any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Okay, _forget _formality! I'm begging, honestly, truly begging. Please?


	4. Meetings, Partings, and Reunions

**Meetings, Partings and Reunions**

_All of life's journeys come with meetings, partings, and reunions._**_- Meryl Stryfe_**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Trigun, though my plans for world domination are quite impressive. Really. You should see. Anyway, in this chapter, we get to see a bit more of those lovable Insurance Girls!

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"You're staring out the window again, Sempai. You know, a very very old phrase says, 'a watched pot never boils.'"

"Wha—?" Meryl snapped up, the muscles in her back stiffening, but she did not bring her eyes away from the sandy horizon. _Why was she doing this to herself? It wasn't like that idiot was just going to come back out of the blue. _Meryl drew a deep breath. It wasn't like she wanted him to.

No...she didn't, not really. She just...just...it was so quiet here now! She woke when the sun rose and slept when it set, and was never awakened by gunshots. The legend of Vash the Stampede had faded to nothingness in this town. Even the gossip had died. It had been almost a month since he'd left.

"Sempai? Are you okay?"

Meryl dragged her eyes away from the window, her serious expression melting to feigned lightheartedness. "Yes, of course, why wouldn't I be? I'm better than okay now that the donut-eating wonder of nature is gone! And my wallet is a lot fatter, too. Besides, less stress is doing wonders for my complexion. This is just what I've always enjoyed. Silence, peace..."

Millie listened to Meryl's rambling until she trailed off. "I do hope he comes back soon, though, don't you?"

"Yeah," Meryl whispered, her eyes flicking out to the horizon. The first sun had already left the sky, and the second was only a razor edge of fire over the sand. The sand itself was reflecting the light, and shimmered as if it was a molten lake. Meryl realized what she had just said. "I—I mean no! Millie...he may never come back. Let's eat, okay?"

Millie grinned. "Okay. I bought some pudding with my wages today. I hope you don't mind. I made dinner, too!"

An hour after dinner, Meryl could not remember what she'd eaten. She wasn't sure if it mattered anymore. In the main room of the tiny house, she and Millie sat on both chairs. The threadbare curtains were closed over the windows.

"He'll come back one of these days, Sempai. I know he will. You just have to be patient. He had a lot to take care of."

"Oh," Meryl said. She moved her book up over her face. "That's nice."

Meryl was aware of Millie's piercing, questioning gaze even behind the pages of her shield, the book she was reading. Her eyes tried to focus on the words, but the book was so close that they crossed. A headache began to form behind her eyes, the kind of heavy ache that made her brain feel like pastry. "I think I'm going to head off to bed," she said, setting down the novel and standing, careful to brush the wrinkles out of her cape and from her demeanor. "I'm really tired, and I have to get up for work early. Good night, Millie."

Millie nodded and watched as Meryl left the room.

She was almost to her bedroom when Millie's soft voice stopped her right outside of the door. "It hurts you, and other people too, when you keep things that need to come out inside. It's best...to say those things before you can't."

Meryl closed her eyes for a moment and continued to walk. "Good night, Millie," she said again.

She stumbled into the bedroom, her breath coming in rapid, deep gasps. "What?" she asked aloud, to no one but herself. "What am I supposed to say?" _What if he really never does come back? What if he's dead, even now? And why do I care?_

She tried not to, because she knew that it would hurt even more if he never came back.

Meryl took off her cloak and the pants until all that was left was a white short-sleeved shirt. Without pulling back the covers, she fell onto her bed. The dirt on the ceiling was especially noticeable tonight. She should probably clean it. Meryl thought about that. No, she wouldn't. The dirt gave her something to think about when she didn't want to think about anything else. Tonight it helped. She sighed and let her eyes drift closed, but her sleep was broken and frantic, and every time she awoke, she felt an emptiness in herself and in the world around her that nothing seemed to fill. She went back to sleep.

* * *

Knives swore.

He'd been traveling in this wretched, prehistoric contraption for several days already. They had not come across towns of any substance, something Knives was thankful for, because every time he walked among those crowds, he felt like he was being drowned in writhing, poisonous insects. He was afraid that he would not be able to contain himself and would compromise Vash's condition further.

Knives realized that he was letting go of his emotions when his hands started aching. His nails had dug into the foam of the steering wheel, reflexively tearing it away with each pointed thought. His grip was so tight that it hurt to loosen it. His fingers tingled as blood pumped through them again, and he sighed. "What is wrong with you, brother? You _should_ be healed already! I can't understand you." _Maybe...maybe I never did. _

The car's engine gave a hacking gag and spluttered, jerking over the road before going silent and stopping completely. In the back seat, Vash looked worse than ever, his already pale skin almost bloodless, shining with sweat despite the cool night air. Knives tried the ignition. With sounds like gasps, the engine tried to start itself, but it was futile. This car wasn't going anywhere.

He got out and lifted the hood, jumping back as steam and smoke billowed out.

"Well, this is great," he said, lips turning down in a scowl. The car still cast a beacon of smoke to the sky, and he sighed. He looked back behind him, imagining a point only miles away, the place he _should _be right now. He'd been denying it all this time, but it was the only way that Vash had a chance of improving even slightly.

Knives slammed the hood of the car with more force than was necessary. The crash and groan of abused metal calmed him a bit. He hated feeling like there was nothing he could do, and he hated losing the calm that he so carefully maintained. But most of all, he hated this unfamiliar feeling that gnawed at the corners of his mind.

Inadequacy.

He was the only one who _couldn't _help his brother right now. Once again, he lifted him from the car, and once again he began walking.

* * *

"Sempai! Sempai, wake up! Get up!"

Meryl lurched upright while she was still asleep, frantically grabbing at her sides for the Derringers that were not there. She opened her eyes, blinking several times before comprehending Millie's calls. She pulled on her pants, jumping on one foot while fitting the other inside the pant legs, not bothering with anything else. She met Millie outside of the door. Too tired to stop, she just ran straight into her friend. Millie didn't seem to mind at all. She just righted Meryl while staring blankly at her.

"Hmm? Wha—" A yawn drowned out Meryl's words. "What's wrong? What time is it, and why did you wake me up?"

"Come _on!"_ Millie grabbed Meryl's hand and dragged her through the hall and to the living room, where the curtains she always looked out of stood open. A soft breeze rustled the off-white cloth.

"The window's open, Millie," Meryl observed, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep again.

"Yes, but look _out _of it, Meryl!"

She rubbed her bleary eyes and fell to her knees. Kneeling slowly would have been far too much effort. She looked out onto the sand, where the first sun was not yet up, only casting a light blue glow on the otherwise dark world. When her eyesight adjusted, she saw something. Far away, a man was framed on the horizon. Adrenaline and irrational hope surged through Meryl at the same time, leaving her feeling as if she had been swung upside down by her feet. She looked closer at the man. "Millie, that's not..."

"I know. Look...the man is carrying something, though."

A pain so sharp it made tears come to Meryl's eyes sliced through her chest. _No._ Vash was not the one walking. He was the one being carried, the limp form in the other man's arms. The closer the man got to the little town, the surer Meryl became of his identity. Suddenly the wind was too much. Her whole body seemed to have frozen.

"Sempai, is something wrong?" Millie touched Meryl's shoulder, jolting her away from the window.

Meryl tried to keep a shudder away,and gave a feeble attempt at a nod. Then she turned away. "Knives..." she whispered, soft enough that only she could hear.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **So, what did you think? I live on reviews. They are my bread and my water and my whole entire _pathetic existence._ Please leave me your thoughts and I'll love you forever and ever. Thanks for reading! _(whispering) _Now _review..._please?


	5. Knife's Edge

**Knife's Edge**

**Disclaimer/Notes: **_I do not own Trigun or any of the characters therein. I hope you like how the story is going so far! If not...what can I say? I'm slightly twisted. There'll be some more Insurance Girls, some more Knives, and a lot of tension. Thank you for reading this far!_

* * *

Millie opened the door in shocked silence, pale silver-blue eyes wide, little mouth agape. For once, she gave no advice and no silly comments. No unexpected wisdom filled the gap of utter silence. It was as if she felt the hatred in this man. Even the light breeze outside had silenced.

The man Meryl assumed was Knives walked inside, feet making soft thuds on the floor. Meryl stepped far out of his way, but her eyes raked acidly over him. She couldn't help noticing filthy, assorted bandages on his arms and legs, nearly identical to much cleaner, tighter ones on Vash. Pale blond hair was cropped short over tan skin. He looked like any of a thousand people she'd seen, all except his eyes and expression. Was the the man who had caused Vash all that pain?

Knives stood in the center of the room, avoiding them as much as they avoided him. His eyes were slitted, an inhuman icy blue devoid of emotion. "I need somewhere to put him," he said.

"Uh..." Millie volunteered, "I have a bedroom. We don't really have any extras, but...he and you can share mine if you want to. I'll...you can lay him on the couch until I'm done cleaning my stuff out."

Millie left the room, and Meryl was alone with Knives. She could almost feel the hesitancy and anger that he radiated. He laid Vash onto the dusty couch and sat beside him, teeth clenched. He did not look at her.

"Why did you come here, after all you've done to him? Why did you bring him back?"

Knives' head snapped up, as if he was shocked and disgusted at having been spoken to. "It wasn't my choice, spider. It seems that he needs to be here. He's very ill."

"Because of you?" Meryl mentally slapped herself, surprised at her biting tone. _What was she doing, antagonizing this man? From what Vash had told her before he had faced Legato for that final time, Knives was disgusted by the human race. How much would it take for him to kill her?_

"Because of many things." Knives drew a deep breath, cold eyes scanning the house.

Meryl had cleaned up with Millie last night, but now, as she followed Knives' gaze, every speck of dust seemed to be magnified a million times. The worn threads in the curtains and the little stains on the old furniture stood out, and she winced.

Knives grimaced. "This is disgusting. I'm surprised your whole race has not died because of the filth they allow themselves to live in."

Meryl bit her tongue to keep a harsh reply back. _It won't do any good to lose your temper now._

Knives turned her way and continued, "Make no mistake. I did not bring my brother to you for any reason other than I think that he will have a better chance of recovering here. Killing you would be dangerous to his precarious health, and so despite my feelings, I will refrain from taking your pathetic life...for the moment. Tell that childish woman to stay away from me and from my brother. I trust that you will do the same, for your own health, as well as for his. I will not hesitate to harm you if you get in my way. This is not mercy, it's momentary necessity. Do you understand?"

Meryl sucked in a shuddering breath and sent a defiant glare upward, then tore her eyes away from the ice blue ones that held her gaze captive.

Though she did not speak, Knives sensed her uneasiness. "I'm glad we've reached an agreement."

"W—wait...I..." Meryl's feeble attempts to speak gained no recognition from the man in front of her. Her eyes wandered past Knives' stiff form to Vash, his limp body resting on the couch. Meryl sucked her lip in between her teeth, chewing it for a moment and then letting it go.

Millie skipped back in, clothes and hastily-filled suitcases piled up in her arms, blocking her vision. She tottered uncertainly into the living room and set her things down against the farthest wall. Her clothes and toiletries rolled over each other, some making it halfway across the room before resting. She laughed. "Well...it's all cleaned up in _there _now, at least. You can take Mr. Vash in. I'll sleep on the couch, okay?"

Knives stood.

Millie watched him, wide blue eyes looking him over. Suddenly, she frowned. "You're hurt, too." There was no fear in her voice, only compassion. It was as if the man standing across from her was not a murderer. She smiled, stepping closer. "Hey, I'll get Mr. Vash for you, okay? You can go get yourself some rest. There's a little mattress in the closet, so I'll make that up for you."

Millie leaned down over Vash and lifted him to a sitting position, readying herself to lift him.

Meryl remembered Knives' warning.

"Millie!" she cried. "Don't do that!"

Knives flicked a blade into his hand from nowhere, letting it slide down his palm until his hand gripped it to the hilt. He held it above Millie's neck, playing with the edge of her hair. His eyes hurled a glare at Meryl. As if the blade was penetrating water, it sliced a lock of Millie's hair off, sending it to the floor like tens of auburn feathers.

Millie leaned over Vash, unaware of the turmoil around her. Her slender brows joined in innocent confusion. "But, Sempai...why? Mr. Vash's friend needs some sleep, and he's hurt, too. I should really try to help him bring Mr. Vash into the room, because my big big sister always said that if I can, I should always help people. That's what she told me."

Meryl felt tears sting at her eyes, but she blinked them away. "Not this time, Millie." Her lowered eyes said everything she couldn't bring her voice to speak. _Please...just this once, Millie._

Slowly, Millie laid Vash's head back down onto the old pillow. She stepped back.

Knives retracted the blade. He lifted his brother until Vash's arm clasped around Knives' shoulder. He stood and walked down the door. When she heard it close, Meryl let out all of the breath she'd been holding in a huge sob.

Meryl melted down the wall to the hard floor.

Millie seated herself on the couch, nibbling at the breakfast that had been interrupted by their unexpected guests.

All of her life, Meryl had kept her things ordered into a neat little pile, alphabetized and meticulously lined up. Life was simple. Everything fit into a mold, and anything that did not quite fit needed to be conformed. This was not how things were supposed to happen!

She'd always imagined, somehow, that one day he'd just come back. When she imagined it, he was always perfectly fine. Knives was not a factor. When her dreams contrasted with the reality staring back at her, they seemed so naive. She had been stupid to think that everything would turn out all right. Still, though...he was back. This time, she would tell him what she hadn't been able to tell him before.

Meryl's eyes settled on the severed lock of Millie's hair. For whatever reason, whether fear, helplessness, or lack of sleep and the dreams that had plagued the little she'd gotten, Meryl felt tears coming and she didn't try to stop them. Without a word, Millie got up and knelt beside her friend, long arms encompassing Meryl in a hug. "It's okay, Sempai. Lying is bad so I won't say not to be afraid of that man, but we will be okay."

Millie waited until Meryl's sobs had quieted, then she stepped back, smiling. "Are you feeling better now? I made a little bit of breakfast for us. I can get some for you."

Meryl nodded, managing a small, "Thank you."

Before walking in, Millie stooped to pick up the hair. "Sempai, where did he put that knife, anyway?"

Meryl stopped everything. Even her heart seemed to pause. "You...you knew..."

But Millie was already making breakfast. "Do you want me to warm up your eggs?"

* * *

Knives took the mattress the large girl had spoken of from the closet. It was pretty clean despite a thin layer of dust, a memoir of lonely disuse. He shook the mattress and laid it on the floor, piling unused blankets on top of it. He refused to lay down, instead choosing to sit. It was a nice alternative to the floor, he had to admit. He unwound the dusty bandages from his arms and looked with disdain upon the moist, pale skin. Puckered scars marred once perfect flesh. He wondered if he could regenerate them. He hated this sickening feeling of imperfection.

He left the bandages by the side of the bed, then peeled the ones off of his legs. Again, they had healed completely, but the scars remained.

He threw those bandages away and took a peek under the tightly wrapped bandage on his stomach. The wound there, though nearly healed, was still tender. "Why, brother? You know I hate pain. Why did you do this to me?"

Vash moved feverishly on the bed. He was shivering again. Knives covered him with one of the quilts. He supposed that the huge girl had slept on it, but one couldn't expect perfection in such an imperfect world.

Sighing, he carefully lifted the edge of the bandage on Vash's right shoulder. Knives had shot him twice, there, though the second bullet had merely nicked Vash's shoulder. As he had expected, the skin was still red. The bullet's tracks had been unsealed yet again, probably from being shifted around so much. Little dots of blood had made it through the bandages.

Knives would have to change them again soon.

Not now, though. Sometime soon, but not now. Knives sat on the bed and let his eyes close. He had refused to sleep but for a mere few hours, and exhaustion took over. Soon, he was asleep.

* * *

Meryl watched Millie as the young woman stood up, absently sipping coffee. It was black. Millie said it was because "he" had liked it that way. She stood at the counter now, sipping that coffee with her back to Meryl. She could hear erratic gasps of breath. Millie's shoulders shook ever so slightly under the little teal shawl she wore.

The cross cufflinks Wolfwood had worn now adorned Millie's sleeves. Meryl felt her stomach dive when she thought of Nicholas D. Wolfwood. Poor Millie... She knew that there had been something special between the two of them.

If it hurt _her_ this much, how much pain must Millie have been hiding?

Meryl knew that the man in the bedroom was the one who had ordered the death of Wolfwood. Vash had told her. Now, all she needed to do was to choose the right time to tell Millie. She looked at her silent friend and shook her head. It should probably be soon, because if Knives didn't already know about Wolfwood and Millie, he soon would. Meryl just wanted to be the first to tell her.

**

* * *

**

**Author's Note:** _Finally! The next chapter is up. I could not have written it without all the encouragement from all the great reviewers. Thanks for putting up with me! I hope you like this chapter, and remember, if you find any errors or have any suggestions, please feel free to tell me. I don't mind. In fact, I appreciate constructive criticism. I'll love you forever and give you huge warm butterscotch brownies if you review! (pushes review button toward reader) Ya know you wanna...(evil grin)_


	6. Missing You

**Missing You**

**Disclaimer/Notes:** _Trigun and its characters are not mine, though I can only hope to do them justice in this story. LOL...these disclaimers _are _kind of becoming a way to vent my weirdness before I start writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave your thoughts. Thanks for reading! Long live Vash! (Hopefully.)_

* * *

Another day ended and another night swept over the sky. As if even the wind feared to break the precarious silence that draped the house, the regular storms stood at bay, leaving the world outside her window susceptible to every soft sound. Only Meryl's breathing echoed in the silent darkness. It was past midnight, she was sure. Sleep would not come. Her mind swam frantically with thoughts of Vash, Knives, Millie, and the admission she would soon have to make to her friend.

She sighed. Sleep was not going to come easy tonight. How could she tell Millie? How could she possibly admit that Wolfwood had, in effect, been killed by the man Millie was trying to warm up to? How could she tell Millie _any_ of the things that Vash had told her?

Meryl closed her eyes, trying to banish the memories. If she was going to watch over Millie, she needed to get at least _some _sleep tonight. She rolled onto her back and stared at the dirt on the ceiling. She drew a deep breath and let it out onto her upper lip, making her black bangs ruffle. The last time she'd done that was when she had been little, when her dad told her to do something and she was too busy reading to care.

From out on the couch, she heard Millie shifting on the hard, sunken cushions. Meryl winced. Without a sound, she got up from her bed. She slid her feet into the slippers beside her bed and opened the door, making silent tracks to the living room. "Millie?"

Wide awake, the big woman sat up. "Sempai?"

Meryl tried to pretend she missed the tear trails on her friend's cheeks, but her face gave her away.

Millie looked back down, trying on a feeble smile before meeting Meryl's gaze again. "I miss him, sometimes."

Meryl looked back to her bedroom. "I should...should really..." But then she looked back to Millie. Several steps later, she stood in front of the couch. "Can I sit down here?"

Millie smiled. "Sure."

Meryl sat. Millie was silent, staring ahead into her memories. Shifting uncomfortably on the couch, Meryl wondered at the wisdom of coming out here. She was horrible at this kind of thing! Give her a troublemaker to sort out any day. She could shoot enemies' guns out of their hands, but emotion always left her at odds.

_I shouldn't have come out here. I can't do this kind of thing! What am I supposed to say? What words are there to say to something like this?_

"He wouldn't have wanted me to miss him, Sempai. I know that. I know that he would want me to keep moving. But it's hard sometimes, you know? I really wish he was here."

Meryl clasped her hands in her lap and pressed her nails into her knuckles, muttering a weak, "I'm sorry, Millie."

"Do you know what? That last night he was with us, he and I talked until we fell asleep. He was hurting so much inside, Sempai. He'd seen so many horrible things and he'd done so many things, and he was so afraid that he'd been wrong...and I told him that everything was okay, that I wouldn't leave him. Isn't it funny that he's the one who left?" Millie blinked her eyes and tears fell down her cheeks. "I just wish he was still here. He was a good man underneath that mask he put on, just like Mr. Vash. That night...he cried and then he turned away from me. He said there was a decision he had to make. What do you think that was, Sempai?"

Meryl felt her stomach sink. There was a hollowness that started in her belly and spread to her lungs, and she couldn't breathe. "I don't know."

"It hurt him. It's sad that people have to make decisions like that." Millie sat up and dried her eyes, looking down at the silver crosses on her sleeves. "You want to know what, though? You have to be strong for the people who can't be here, because that way they can live through you."

Meryl smiled. "Did your big big sister tell you that?"

Millie grinned in reply. "Nope, Sempai. I told me that. But it's true. I've been thinking about it ever since that day. I need to be strong for him."

Meryl nodded and looked up. "You're always strong, Millie. Stronger than anyone I know."

"Hmm?"

"Oh...nothing. It was nothing. Talking to myself, that's all!" _She couldn't say it. She couldn't tell Millie about Knives. Even the strongest person could only bear so much weight before they collapsed._

Millie took the crosses from her wrists and laid them on the little table with care. Light from several moons glistened on them from all angles, lighting them up like the desolate stars that shone in the sky.

"Thanks for listening, Sempai. Sorry to wake you."

Meryl shook her head and threw her arms around Millie's waist. "You didn't wake me at all. Sleep well, okay?"

Millie settled onto the couch again, letting out a deep sigh. The sounds of sleep soon filled the house, but they didn't touch Meryl at all as she crept back to her bed.

After what seemed like centuries of waiting and memorizing the intricate patterns of filth on the ceiling, Meryl couldn't stand it anymore. She got out of bed and walked down the hall, past the entrance to the living room, until she reached the room where Millie had been sleeping for the last few months. Her slender fingers twined around the knob and slowly, slowly twisted it.

The creaks of metal and wood could have been construction workers in her ear, so loud did the small noises sound. Finally, she had eased the door open. Her eyes scanned the moonlit room, where blue and red light meshed to become an eerie purple. On the mattress beside the bed, Knives lay in a haphazard position so random it looked like he'd fallen there. Only a tiny flap of blanket covered him. His face was still and soft, unmarred by anger in his sleep.

Vash rested on the bed. Meryl took a deep breath outside of the door, afraid that she would not be able to take many more once she entered the room. She took one step inside of the door. Knives did not move.

Slowly, slowly, she continued to tiptoe, her footsteps as soundless as the aging and groaning floorboards would allow, until she stopped at Vash's bed. She looked down on him. He still looked just as worn as he had when Knives had brought him in here. His hair stuck against his forehead with his own feverish sweat, eyes moving rapidly behind closed lids. He seemed much calmer, though. Meryl prayed his dreams were good ones.

"Vash..." Meryl whispered. Her eyes flicked to Knives, but he was still sprawled in the same position. Meryl swept each of the soft rebel strands of hair away from Vash's face with the touch of her finger, then drew back, blushing. She sat by his bedside, finding his warm hand and twining hers into it. "You know, we miss you. Millie, and...well,_ I_ miss you. Wake up soon, okay? You've got a lot of slaps to catch up on, starting with one big one for taking so long to come back. Remember that night, when you said you'd stay? You didn't, so there's another one. That's two."

She tightened her grip, and was almost sure that he returned it a bit.

Why am I so afraid of what I'll say if you open your eyes right now?

Meryl leaned forward onto the bed and rested her head at Vash's side, calmed by the rhythmic sound of each slow breath drawn one after another, and the rise of his chest against her cheek. Her eyes drifted closed, inhibitions and worries forgotten. Pleasant blackness took over.

Everything faded, and the next thing Meryl heard was a steel tone that woke her from her sleep. "I thought I told you there would be consequences if you did not listen to me."

It was Knives.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. **If you found any problems/typos/OOCness, just let me know. I really benefit from reader feedback, and you guys just make me plain ecstatic! Thanks for being my muse support so far. More yummy cookies and all my eternal love to those who review.


	7. Hear My Cries

**Hear My Cries**

**Disclaimer / Notes: **_Hey, novel idea! I really, really don't own Trigun, or anything in it, so I'll stop it with these silly disclaimers and save this for notes and...whatever. Sorry for such a cruel cliffhanger last chapter! As a writer, keeping people in suspense makes me feel all fuzzy, but being left hanging like that just sucks as a reader, so I wanted to get this chapter up as quickly as I could. Now, on with the story! (evil laugh) _

* * *

Something smooth and very sharp caught the skin on the back of Meryl's neck. Each frantic breath she took made it stick even more, and she felt warm liquid well up around the burning skin.

"If you move, it will only cut deeper. Do you remember what I told you?"

Gasping, she didn't reply. Tears pricked at her eyes. The pain in her neck got stronger with each breath, as if Knives was intentionally pressing it just hard enough that the skin cut deeper, her body betraying her to the blade each time her chest rose and fell. Trickles of blood made running rivers over the back of her neck and rolled under her ears until they moved onto her lips and nose, and dripped from her chin.

_"Do you remember?"_

Meryl opened her mouth, but her own blood trickled in and choked out the words, causing her to spit.

"Answer me," Knives said.

Meryl nodded before realizing that it was a good idea. She cried out from pain as the blade seemed to plunge into the back of her neck. "Yes...yes, I remember." A gasp of breath sucked her own blood into her lungs, and Meryl coughed. Knives withdrew the blade just a bit.

"We wouldn't want you to die just yet, but a lesson is in order. Can you believe that for a moment I thought that you humans were _reasonable _enough to do, just once, what was good for you? It's laughable, but in any case I should make sure that this doesn't happen again." He stood back. "Get up. Get away from Vash."

Meryl lifted her hands, wanting to stem the flow of blood from her neck, but too afraid to cup the long slice. Her fingers brushed the open edge of the wound, her body reacting to the gentle touch. It felt like every nerve had been electrified.

_Vash...Vash, help..._

"Did you hear me? Move." Knives grabbed Meryl by the bloody collar of her shirt and threw her against the opposite wall. He looked at the blood on his hand and shook it, wiping the tainted liquid onto his clothes. He stepped toward Meryl. "I'm curious, little spider. What led you to come in here despite your fear? I know that you fear me. It's a horrible stench about you that is impossible to miss. _Why? _What is it about your species that just doesn't give up?"

"I...I wanted..." Meryl coughed and wiped blood from her lips. The grime on the wall ground into the cut on her neck. Blood still flowed freely around her shirt, falling down her back and shoulders now that she was upright. "I wanted to see Vash."

Knives shook his head and snorted. "Despite the fact you knew that you could have been killed? How illogical. He can't help you. I can feel that he feels you, though. Can you believe that he wants me to stop? It's rather annoying." Knives glanced at Vash, who moved fervidly as if trying to escape a nightmare.

The calm Meryl had seen on his face last night was long gone, replaced with a look of helplessness and agony.

"You're hurting him!" Meryl yelled.

"No. You see, it's you who's causing him this pain. If you had not come in here, he would be fine, as would you. You _humans_..." He threw a blade that pinned Meryl's left shoulder to the wall, "...need to stop..." Another blade, through her right shoulder this time, punctuating Knives' words with cries of pain. "...your _useless, illogical _meddling."

When he was done, he stood back, calm as he had always been. Meryl reached up a hand to touch the knives that pinned her shoulders, but her fist was not strong enough to hold the grip. Her hand fell back to her side. Her eyes darted from Vash's frantic movements to Knives' starkly contrasting stillness and silence. Meryl dropped her head and let it hang.

_Oh God I'm gonna die. He's going to kill me..._

She knew, she_ knew _that she should have tucked a Derringer away.

"Stop, don't hurt Sempai!"

The door swung open and Millie stood in it. Meryl would have laughed if she could spare any breath. Her friend's clothes were wrinkled, auburn hair mussed, tangled all over her head. Millie's eyes were anything but tired, though.

Complete silence filled the room. Millie's eyes traveled along the floor, stopping on each spattered mark of Meryl's blood. She took a breath that was more like a sob and then turned her huge stun-gun resolutely on Knives. "Don't hurt her! I will shoot." She shuddered when she saw Knives' arm. The transformation was minimal, but the skin up his forearm did not look human. "Don't..." Millie murmured. "Please stop."

"How shocking; another one of you. Do none of you listen to what you're told?" Knives caressed another blade between his fingers. "I can't stand this. Do you know that you'd be dead for this insolence if the circumstances were any different? As it is..." Knives sighed, and addressed Vash without turning around. "Why do you do this to me, brother?" He shook his head and turned on Millie. "Leave me now or I will have to make you leave. Injuring you humans further will regrettably do no good for my brother, so I ask that you go now."

"I—I'm not leaving Sempai! She needs help." Millie looked to Vash and then to Meryl.

Meryl tried to give her friend a reassuring gaze, but every time she tried to look up, her vision swam and darkened as if she'd been plunged into a black sea. "'Sss fine, Millie. I'll be okay." _Did she mean that? Did she really believe it?_ She shifted just a bit and her soaked shirt clung to her back. With all the blood that already rested on the floor, she wondered briefly how much was left. How much blood was in a single body?

Millie saw the fear in Meryl's eyes, and made up her mind. "I'm not leaving without her."

"Okay, then. I'm sure my dear brother is strong enough to hold out while I kill you, too."

Millie's finger squeezed the trigger.

Knives drew his wrist in and flicked it out, holding yet another blade.

"Knives, don't."

Meryl's head snapped up at the soft, familiar voice. Her eyes tried to focus. "Vash?"

He sat up in the bed, simple white shirt sagging around his thin frame. His usually sharp turquoise gaze seemed a bit hazy but still far too bright, the look you see in the eyes of a person burning with fever. He seemed confused but at the same time alert. His eyes caught on the blood that had dripped from Meryl's neck and onto the covers, and he jumped. He followed the blood to Meryl, pinned against the wall by a knife in each shoulder.

She saw the look on Vash's face that had always scared her, that look of controlled rage that made her insides feel as if they'd been turned to ice.

* * *

"Knives, what the hell have you done?"

Vash got out of the bed shakily. Pain and rage etched tense lines into his normally tranquil expression.

"Don't strain yourself, dear brother. This does not concern you."

"Everything you do concerns me. Knives, don't you _dare _touch the girls."

Vash tried to take a step forward, but his legs didn't seem willing to hold him after weeks of disuse. He backed up and grabbed the bed for balance, breaths coming in shallow gasps. He shook his head and looked up at Knives. His eyes went around her and to Millie. She gave him a weak smile.

His brother stared back down to him. "What can you do to keep me from doing it, and _why do you care? _These things are just flawed examples of an ultimately _fatally_ flawed race."

"It depends on what you see as a flaw! Hope and love and determination aren't flaws, Knives."

The blond man turned around, still contemplating the blade in his hands. "Determination is futile. They're a virus, and they destroy everything they touch. Their instinct to survive surpasses things like morality and justice...even their own humanity. You'd think that they'd learn from their mistakes, but they don't, and they destroy themselves over and over and over again. It's about time someone stopped them forever. Look at what they've done to you, Vash. All the pain they have caused you... Don't tell me you don't feel it. Even _I_ feel it."

Vash was silent for a long time. "They can change. There are good people, Knives. There are people who risk their lives to help others and expect no personal gain. I won't let you kill Meryl and Millie. I won't."

"Vash, you are weak. My powers are much more developed that yours will ever be. You do not want to fight me again."

Vash shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"M—Mr. Vash!"

Millie took that opportunity, when Knives' attention was occupied elsewhere, to fire her stun-gun at Knives. The sound of it going off was like an explosion in the silence.

Knives dodged the shot, standing upright once the dust had cleared. "How stupid," he said. Without any hesitation, he spun and hurled the knife at Millie, straight at her throat.

Vash remembered his dreams. He remembered a little girl who'd spoken to him so long ago. He remembered her cries for help echoing in his own mind. He had been too weak to lift himself from his own nightmares then, and save the girl from hers. _He was still too weak. Too weak to help. _"Knives, no!"

Everything was ice cold and hot at once, painful yet peaceful, and silence reigned. Vash did not dare look up, too afraid that if he did, he would find another testament to his weakness...another person he was not able to save.

What he saw was anything but what he had expected. There was no blood, only...white? The knife did not reach Millie. Vash waited for his vision to clear. The white was feathers. He looked around for their source. It was him. He had done it. "Wha—Knives...I can't do that. What just happened? I threw our guns away."

Knives didn't seem too disappointed that the knife had not reached Millie. He turned to Vash, smiling. "And that was a stupid thing to do. Since you have not had the sense to explore your abilities, I'll tell you, Vash. I knew this would happen some time. Those guns just channeled and regulated our power. We can do so much more than that. You see, the guns only yielded 13 percent of their possible power, and they only channeled it in a particular way. Did you really think that those guns were the extent of the possibilities for us? Just as the energy of a Plant sister can be adjusted to produce almost anything, we, too, can channel our power in different ways...even healing. Now...you finally know the beginning of the things you can do. I will teach you, Vash. I'll teach you how to hone those abilities. I'll show to you how much better we are than this filth."

Vash watched breathlessly as the feathers withdrew themselves. The momentary warmth faded, replaced by a nauseating emptiness. Blackness took over his vision, and before he knew it, he was falling again...falling into the dark.

* * *

Millie watched as the feathers withdrew. Vash stood still for a moment. Too still. The awareness in his eyes faded and his eyes rolled back, feet giving way beneath him. Millie ran forward, past Knives, and grabbed his shoulders to keep him up. Knives reached Vash at the same time and glared at Millie.

She looked straight back at him, eyes speaking the words that her mouth would not. She would not back down.

They both lifted Vash back up onto the bed, then Millie turned and went to Meryl, kneeling down next to her friend. "Sempai?" Millie lifted Meryl's chin and spoke in a whisper. "Wake up, Sempai."

Wincing, she pulled the knives from Meryl's shoulders. She winced more than Meryl did as she pried the blades from the wall behind her. The small body fell in Millie's arms, and she lifted Meryl up, cradling her like a child. She took her shawl off and pressed it to the oozing wounds. "It'll be okay, Sempai." She soothed. "Hold on, okay? You'll be fine. I'll make some of your soup for you."

Millie bit her lip. She looked down on the pale, still face of her friend, and her eyes traveled to the lengthening puddle of blood on the floor, and the dripping rivulets that slipped down the wall.

_She looks so pale...kind of like Mr. Priest did._

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**_ Does this suck? I'll bet this sucks. Ohhh man! I hope it doesn't. Is it getting too cliche? I haven't read many Trigun fics yet. Blegh. (_Beats head against wall_) I really, honestly plan on bringing this story to a natural conclusion some time in the future, and I will hopefully have regular updates up. I hate reading fics only to find that they're unfinished and may never **be** finished, so I will try my best not to do that to my wonderfully kind readers. Thank you all, and don't hesitate to tell me if I make any big mistakes or start getting all cliche on you. Also, you probably noticed, but this story is quite a bit manga inspired in terms of Plants' abilities. Anyway...um...**REVIEW! **Please?


	8. Violet in the Moonlight

**Violet in the Moonlight**

**Disclaimer/Notes: **I don't own Trigun, of course. Grr. Why am I _still_ saying that? I've covered it (again, and again, and again) in previous chapters. I can't help it! Anyway, I'm starting to work out the plotline of this story, making sure I know the basics of the beginning, middle, and end, so it may take a little while longer for new chapters to get up. Then again...it may not. I'm hoping to make these newer ones a bit longer.

* * *

_Knives...knives and blood. So much blood. So much pain._

I'm going to die...

_She felt life draining out of her with each splash of the droplets hitting the floor. Scarlet pooled in the dusty cracks and crevasses, reaching out across the room, running everywhere that would carry them...running for help. But no one listened._

Vash! Vash, help!

_Her inner cries were met with silence. No one came._

Anyone, someone...help!

_All of her life she'd refused assistance, determined to live for herself, determined to make it. She wasn't going to fall, and she wouldn't cry. She'd be strong, just like her dad had always told her to be._

_It was so funny and so sad and ironic that she had refused all the help so freely offered. She'd said over and over again that she was okay. Now, when she was calling for that offered help, there was no one to listen. She let tears run down her face. She was going to die._

_People were all around her. Millie...oh, God, Millie...Go away. Please don't get hurt._

_Her vision was fading slowly with her last ounce of awareness._

Vash...

_He didn't come. No one came. Vision faded to staticky blackness where there was nothing but undefined shapes and colors._

_She saw rage and she saw feathers, and then there was nothing._

_Memories played and replayed. Each time, the despair was as fresh as it was the very first time she had felt it. The pain was just as strong. She felt soft whispers, a link to the world she'd abandoned, but she didn't want to go back. It hurt too much, back there..._

* * *

Millie sucked both lips between her teeth and chewed them softly. She glanced at the small, unconscious woman in the bed next to her. The doctor had come and gone hours ago, leaving a small jar of ointment. He said it would help Meryl's wounds. Millie opened the jar of white-green slime and looked at it.

Its sharp, biting smell made her eyes water. She sighed. Poor Sempai. It would probably hurt her to have this stuff on her wounds. She remembered something her little big brother had told her a long time ago, wisdom that she supposed could apply to this situation. He'd said, "The most painful lessons are the ones you get the most out of."

Well...it had either been _that _or, "The bad-tasting stuff is the best for you!"

Maybe both.

Millie looked at the tiny figure in the bed next to her, hoping against all logic that her friend would move. She didn't. When she'd brought Sempai in here so many hours ago, the covers hadn't even been ruffled. Millie wondered where Meryl had been last night, but she knew. Meryl had seen Vash. It would explain a lot, especially Mr. Knives' anger.

The blond man was named Knives, Millie knew, and he was Vash's brother; Meryl had told her that much.

There was something Meryl wasn't telling her, though. Millie knew it. When they'd talked the night before, she'd felt that Meryl had wanted to say something and couldn't. That thought left Millie's head as fast as it entered, replaced with images of Mr. Vash and Knives. How could those two be brothers? Millie sighed and took Meryl's hand, squeezing it. "I'm going to make you some of that soup, okay? Remember the soup you made for Mr. Vash when he got hurt? I watched you make it. Wake up, Sempai. Please? You know, I'm very worried about you."

Meryl had woken only once since passing out when Millie had removed the knives from her shoulders. She'd seemed okay, but then she'd asked what had happened. Millie hadn't even been able to think up a gentle answer before Meryl remembered. Millie had embraced her, but Meryl had passed out. Millie was afraid that in some way, Sempai was afraid to wake up, afraid to face everything here.

The door opened from the outside, and Millie stopped, looking intensely at it and waiting.

It was Mr. Vash who poked his head in. He still looked pretty bad, but moving around looked like it was helping him, strangely enough. "How's she doing?"

Millie smiled brightly, but it faded under his questioning gaze. "I'm afraid for her, Mr. Vash. She won't wake up. She did once, but..."she had started sobbing and she'd passed out again. Millie knew Sempai would not have wanted her to tell that to anyone, especially Mr. Vash. Millie trailed off.

"Uh, insurance girl?"

Millie decided that she needed to trust someone with these fears. It _would _be best for Meryl, though she might at first resent it. She made Mr. Vash sit first, because he was looking a little shaky on his feet, and then she told him everything. "And...and I just think that it's been too much for her. She's been so worried about you—" Millie cut herself off.

_Oh, no! Sempai would be very mad at her for saying that._ "Well, she's so scared and she hasn't been sleeping much lately, and now she's hurt...I'm worried, Mr. Vash."

Vash nodded. "I'll try to help. Um...how about you go get some pudding? You deserve it after all this!" He flashed a huge grin and Millie returned it with a bit of her old enthusiasm. She walked to the door and waited there for a moment, looking at Vash as he scooted his seat closer to the small shape under the covers.

"I'll be fine. Go on."

"I was just going to ask if you wanted any pudding." She grinned and cast a knowing look at the two before walking down the hall. "I'll leave you two alone now!" Pudding sounded good. She had some of her favorite flavor in the cupboard.

* * *

Vash sat close to the bed, staring down on the woman in it and wincing every time her chest rose and fell, because he knew he was in for some serious verbal abuse when she woke up. He'd really wanted to get back to her and to Millie, but how could he have? How could he subject her to Knives?

Vash's hands clenched into fists. But she had been. He'd been _asleep _while Knives had...had...hurt her like this. Vash's eyes followed the lengthy rolls of gauze all over her shoulders and chest. Both arms were nearly bound to her. Any movement above the elbows would be impossible and very painful. He supposed his shoulder wounds probably matched hers. A dry smile blew across his lips, there and gone like the desert wind.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to stop this," he whispered. Meryl looked pained and Vash lifted a wet rag from a bowl Millie had placed beside the bed. He wrung the rag out and wiped it over Meryl's face. His arms protested at the movement, but there were much more important things now.

He poked her gently. "Hey...hey, wake up. It's okay now. I'll die before I let Knives touch you. Aw, come _on..._" He poked her again and then awkwardly pulled away, leaning back in his seat. "Wake up already...please?"

Vash looked at her. _Was Millie right? Was Meryl afraid to wake up?_

There was really only one way to find out. Vash would have to ask her. He looked at her tranquil features and hated himself. He didn't like using his powers to interfere with someone's most private thoughts, but he couldn't leave her alone with those memories, either.

He closed his eyes and allowed himself to take a peek at her mind. He was drawn in immediately. He watched through Meryl's eyes, through her memories, as she sat by his bed. He heard her soft words to him, and then the memories shifted. Knives pulled her up and threw her against the wall, making sure she stayed there by pinning both shoulders to it. Vash _felt _the pain she had felt, saw the blood she'd bled, and he saw himself, unable to help. Nausea welled in him, and in that moment, he hated himself more than he'd ever hated anything.

Meryl must have felt his presence, because the memories became harder to access until they faded completely. Vash withdrew. _'Meryl?' _He tried to maintain his connection to her, despite the fact that she seemed to be withdrawing. _'Meryl, this is Vash. Can you hear me?'_

There was a long silence, but he felt her presence and her feelings, a feverish kaleidoscope of constantly changing moods. Everything was dark. A soft voice echoed from the blackness, clear in his mind. _'Help me...you—you didn't help me.'_

Vash paused. _'Meryl...everything's okay now.'_

_'What do you mean? Go away! I don't want to talk to you right now. I don't...don't want to come back. I saw... You're not...' _

Not what? Not human? Vash winced.

Meryl continued, her voice soft and toneless. '_What are you doing here? I want to be alone. I'm safe here.'_

_'Meryl...we're all scared for you. You can't escape this way. Believe me, I've tried, and it doesn't work. Soon enough you'll have to face up to what happened. You'll have to wake up.'_

He felt himself being pushed away by the strength of Meryl's frantic will. He allowed himself to be pushed out. Should he stay, should he keep doing this?

_'Get out! I don't want to wake up! Go! Oh God, go...'_ Vash felt Meryl's emotions. He felt pain. He felt fear—horrible, gut-wrenching terror. He felt disgust, and hatred.

He saw the memories she was forcing herself to relive. She was driving herself mad in her own mind.

Her soft cries made him wince.

_'Not again...' _she said. _'Please don't make me watch again...'_

He forced himself back into her mind at those words. _'What? Who's making you?' _he asked.

She was silent.

_'Meryl, please, you have to answer so I can help!'_

_'Knives... It's Knives.'_

Vash swore. He tried to search for another presence in here, but the only one he could sense besides Meryl's was his own. _'It's time to wake up, okay? Knives can't touch you when you're awake, okay? Please...open your eyes.'_

She had drawn deeper into herself. Her voice was vague, childish. _'I can't...'_

Vash shook his head._ Knives... you bastard. _He would have to pull Meryl out of it by himself.

He found where she was and he latched on, trying to surface again. He had never tried this before, and Meryl's will, combined with Knives' demands on her mind, was almost too strong. Every time he thought he'd nearly reached consciousness with her, he plunged back down. After another long while, he'd finally reached the top. He could feel the chair he was sitting on. If only he could take this last step...

If only.

He realized that if he did not make it this time, they might both be lost. He didn't have enough strength to fight Knives any longer. He tried one last time, using all his remaining strength. All or nothing.

Sight came back gradually. He gasped, leaning over the chair. He'd made it. But... "Meryl!"

He sat up abruptly, looking at the bed. Meryl's eyes flickered open. "Vash? You're here! What are you—? I mean...what just happened? I thought you..."

He smiled, glad that she didn't remember right now. She needed some real rest. "Um...yup! It's me. I woke up again a bit ago. Hey, you remember last night? I heard what you said. I still need to catch up on all those slaps, you know."

Meryl let out a soft sound that was supposed to be a laugh, but it sounded a bit more like a sob.

"Whoa...hey, are you okay? Does it hurt? Do you need some medicine? I'm _really _glad you're awake, ya know." Vash said.

He got up.

Meryl opened her mouth as if to speak, but then she closed it. In her usual collected tone, she said, "I'm fine."

Vash nodded. She wanted to be alone. "Well, I'll be going, then. Hey, hope you feel better soon. And...I'm sorry. About everything." Before she had a chance to reply to that, he left the room, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. Telepathically, he called to his brother. _'What the hell were you just doing?'_

There was no reply, just a soft laugh.

_'Knives!'_

_'Oh please, Vash. Don't get so worked up about it. I was testing you. I wanted to see what you could do.'_

Vash felt anger well up in him. _'You could have killed her!'_

Knives' voice was clear. _'Like I said, I was testing you. Killing her would only have brightened my mood, however.'_

Vash calmed himself down, and his next words were spoken with cold honesty. _'Don't touch them, Knives! I'm not going to let you take them away from me. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure they stay safe.'_

_'Of course you will.'_

Knives was silent after that, and Vash was left to think about what his brother meant.

He sighed and walked down the long hall. The day had been a hectic one. Twilight was already falling, the twin suns casting maroon and indigo streaked clouds across the fading sky. Golden light still tinged the edges of the clouds, but it, too, faded with the suns. The cool of the night was already beginning to show itself with a soft breeze. Vash lifted himself up onto the porch bannister and sat there in the blackest corner, thinking, allowing his mind to wander. What he had said to Knives...he had meant it.

_Whatever it took..._

An image of a face long lost came to his mind. Where it had been so clear for decades and decades, he couldn't recall every specific feature like he used to be able to. _Rem. _

_Is it bad that I'm forgetting you? No; it's not that I'm forgetting you. I'll remember you forever, because no one else seems to know or care about what you did for them. I'm not forgetting your words, either. I just...I think it's time I made some choices for myself._

Vash leaned forward onto his elbows and pressed the heels of his hands to his face. _Why don't I know what to do, then? Why can't I think of a compromise, a way to make sure everyone's happy? That's what Rem said to do. There must be a way. There always is, right? Right? Rem?_

Vash closed his eyes. It sure was different this way. So much had happened since that time on the ship, since the quiet days they spent in the Rec Room with Rem. Because no matter how bad things got on the ship with Steve, Rem was always there to fix everything. As much bad as there was, there was more kindness. And innocence...

He'd seen so much since those times. He'd committed a sin that time would never erase, and in quiet times like this, it still hurt. Vash looked out on the bleak landscape and wondered if these people had ever had a chance at innocence. From the very first moment they awoke upon this planet, if they were not warring with themselves, they were fighting the elements for survival. If Wolfwood was here, Vash imagined he'd be on the receiving end of a lecture about thinking too much. Maybe he did. But what else was there to do than think?

* * *

Millie walked down the hall and stopped outside of the door. From the light that shone into the hall on the right of her, she could tell that the door to Sempai's room was open, and darned if she didn't see movement in the lamplight! Millie grinned and shifted the weight of the tray she balanced on her hands. "Mr. Knives?" Silence responded to her soft request. "Mr. Knives, I've made you something to eat. You really should eat, because it'll make you feel better."

"Being near you parasites has destroyed my appetite. Leave me."

"Oh, no! You really do need to eat. You need your strength." Millie pushed the door open with a foot.

Knives glared at her from the bed, his eyes holding an icy malice that made Millie shudder despite herself. Knives spoke softly and slowly, as if to a child. "Fool, do you not remember this morning?"

Millie bit her lip. "It's no good to dwell on those kind of things."

"You sound just like my brother, you know that? Is it you who have learned it from him, or have you infected my brother with this childish philosophy?"

Millie looked into the glass of orange juice settled on the tray. When she lifted her eyes, her usual smile was on her face. "Here." She placed the tray down on the little table by the door. Knives drew a breath that hissed through his teeth, impatience and anger obvious in his eyes. Millie also saw the hollows in his cheeks, though, and the way his skin was pale. He probably hadn't eaten or slept much in days. Millie didn't think he was a very nice man, but she couldn't let him starve.

Making sure the tray was steady, she turned to go.

"Wait."

Millie turned, eyes wide. "Hmm?"

"Lift your hands again."

Millie lifted both hands and stared down at them, looking for a stain or something.

"The priest's crosses. On your sleeves." Knives smiled.

Millie looked back up, her smile faltering. "Mmhmm. Those are his."

Knives' eyes went to the food and to her innocent face, and back to the crosses. "He was a killer, you know."

"I—" the tall woman shifted on her feet, hardly daring to turn. "He told me he'd done bad things."

"Did he tell you that he was a Gung-Ho Gun? How about the fact that he was going to kill Vash? _Did he tell you that?_"

Millie shook her head. She felt tears coming to her eyes. She swallowed and spoke with cracking cheerfulness, "Well, Mr. Vash is alive. Mr. Priest was a good man."

"Oh. You think so? What would you think if I told you that I ordered him killed? I didn't personally kill him, of course. I wouldn't stoop so low."

He smiled as silent tears rolled down her face. She turned around, unwilling to let him see her weakness. She started to leave.

Millie picked up the tray on her way out.

Knives' voice echoed through the nearly closed door. "What are you doing, spider?"

She stayed on the other side of the door, and spoke with deliberate care. "You weren't hungry, remember?"

Millie stopped outside of the door and leaned against the wall, trying to compose herself. Her hands shook. _She shouldn't have done that to him. It was wrong. _She got up and walked into the living room. What must have been twenty minutes passed in silent contemplation. She got up, brought the tray back in, and put in on the chair. She did not wait to hear any more. _Why did Mr. Knives tell her those things? Was he trying to prove something to her, to himself?_

Millie snuggled into the ragged blankets spread over the couch, and she fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Ah...this isn't...ow!" Meryl could not stand it anymore. She was tired of laying in the bed and wondering if the shape above her carved in ceiling slime looked more like a mountain or a thomas. If she didn't get outside and get some air, she was going to go crazy.

The weakness in her body reminded her that this was not something she could brush off. Her upper body was mummified in huge white bandages that strapped both shoulders to her chest, limiting movement in her arms. God help her if she fell. It just felt so horrible knowing that Vash's brother was in the next room at the end of the hall, and that she could not do anything if her returned.

She made it past a sleeping Millie and opened the door. Three moons were visible from the porch alone, framed over the skyline of a city of clay and sand. She sat down in the cushioned chair beside the door. The furniture was a recent acquisition, but it had been placed in the exact spot she had stood when Vash had passed her to leave and find Knives.

Meryl floated in comfortable oblivion until a soft voice woke her from her thoughts.

"Nice night, huh?"

Meryl jumped. It cost her. Pain coursed through her shoulders. "Who is it?"

Movement in a dark corner to her left drew Meryl's eyes to a dark silhouette against the navy sky. She could not see much detail, but the wacky hair immediately identified the intruder as Vash. "What are you doing out here? Are you following me?" Meryl asked irritably. The fact that her question was illogical didn't matter to her.

"Nope, I've been sitting here for a while. Just thinking." His goofy smile had an ominous look to it, since it was the only thing visible that wasn't black.

"Well...ugh. Can't a girl have some privacy?" Meryl tried to get up, but she realized her mistake. To sit down, she'd only needed to let herself fall into the seat, but to lift herself out would require the use of her arms, which were not in good working order at the moment. Suddenly the silly gunman's silhouette seemed that much more annoying. She hated being seen like this. She willed him to go away, but he didn't move.

He finally got the hint after about a minute of impatient tapping. "Well...I'll leave if you want to be alone."

Meryl looked at him, giving him one of her glares that usually made him snap to attention.

He got up and vaulted over the bannister. She heard a hiss of pain and couldn't help smiling. He still hadn't gotten used to not being able to jump around like a cat. Meryl shook her head. "Idiot," she mumbled.

Vash started walking away, but then he stopped, looking hard at her. She glanced back. "What _is _it?"

"Did you know that your hair looks violet in the moonlight?"

Meryl didn't know why that observation made her feel so bare. "Didn't you hear me? Go away before I run you away! Eat donuts or something."

Vash ran off.

Meryl sat there for a while. She lifted her hand gingerly to her head, and a secret smile passed her lips. _Violet?_

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Yikes! That was...that was...that was long! (points frantically at chapter) It just kind of started and wouldn't stop until I had finished it. Well...what do you think? I know that some pretty strange things happened in this chapter. Millie was unusually cruel, but she can be that way when something she feels strongly about is threatened, like in Little Arcadia. Anyway...Wow, this is my first chapter of when Vash is awake with the girls. What do you think? Reviews are like candy to me! They don't give me cavities, though... (Remembers horrible dentist experience today and clutches mouth.) Anyway...**REVIEW now, spiders! I command you! **And now I'm going all Knives on you guys. I'd better stop talking!_


	9. Too Close to Touch

**Too Close to Touch**

**Disclaimer/Notes:** _Fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen, and hold on tight, because this is going to be a bumpy ride. Only God knows what kind of crazy plot twists will happen and what strange ideas will fall from the sky. (It's sort of sad that at this point I'm not quite sure, either...) The last chapter was relatively tranquil, but I hope that things will pick up very soon. Right now, I would like to take the opportunity to thank _Sugar Pill _for the absolutely amazing help with the last chapter! Those thoughts for improvement were immeasurably helpful. I'd like to send a sincere thank you out to all the other reviewers, too. You guys rock!_

* * *

Musical voices drifted from the kitchen, punctuated with laughter. Millie and Meryl were making some kind of big dinner. Millie did all the work, but since Meryl couldn't stand staying in her room, Millie had found a cushioned chair for her to rest in. Every time Meryl tried to help, Millie would gently mutter a motherly rebuke and push her small friend back down. "Sempai, you have to heal! Just watch, okay?"

"But Millie...I hate not being able to do anything. This is...this is...it's torture! I'm like a fifth wheel. Useless."

Millie's soft strains of laughter echoed out of the house to Vash's ears. "Silly Sempai! You can't be the one to do all the work. I'm sure I'll need some help later on and you can help me."

"Thanks, Millie." Meryl seemed to calm down a bit at the promise that she would soon have work to do. Vash gaped. _Women...every last single one of them is insane! _He looked out to the sky ahead of him. Morning had come too fast. Vash had returned to the house last night to find Meryl asleep in the chair. He'd carried her inside. Thank goodness she hadn't awakened in his arms; he knew she would have done something drastic.

But she hadn't, and she had not yet asked how she'd gotten back to bed, either.

Vash still sat on the porch bannister, kept up by the wooden support beam, and he let his legs stretch out to touch the next one. He stared straight forward at the town, but his eyes didn't see anything. He was too deep in thought.

Compromise...

Vash sighed and closed his eyes, wiping at his haphazard hair. _Is there any way I can stay with the girls? Any way I can keep them safe? I know...they're afraid of Knives. One of these days I'll fail again and I won't be able to keep him from killing them and so many others. I have to find a way. Is there a way?_

For some reason, the delicious smells coming from the kitchen didn't perk him up.

He'd have to make a choice soon.

'Vash, stop thinking, you're giving me a headache.'

Vash opened his eyes up and frowned. _'Get out of my head, Knives.'_

His brother's voice was soft and just a bit condescending. _'I'm afraid that I can't. You see, I can feel your emotions right now. You remember like it was on the ship? Like that. It's extremely distracting.' _

_'Ignore it,'_ Vash grumbled, getting off the porch.

Knives laughed derisively. _'Much easier said than done. You're hard to ignore.'_

Millie's clunky footsteps echoed through the house, soft laughs following them. She poked her head out the door at the same time that Vash's feet his the porch. "Dinner's ready, Mr. Vash! I'll bet Mr. Knives is awful hungry, too. You should probably bring him something. Oh! No, wait, I'll do it. You just go and sit down, okay?"

Millie took a tray piled with steaming food out of the kitchen, and Vash stepped past her. "Wait," he said feebly. "You know, I can do that..."

Millie threw a bright grin over her shoulder. "No, I'll do it!"

Vash walked into the kitchen.

"Uh-oh," he said immediately, not even thinking before the words left his lips.

Meryl, who sat at the table, looked up at him defiantly, a half-wrapped mummy with attitude. "What does that mean?" she demanded.

"Um...nothing. I was just surprised to see you here, that's all. I'm safe from the whole slap thing since you can't move your arms, right?"

Despite herself, Meryl allowed a tight smile. "We'll see about that."

Vash gulped and sat down. He looked around the table. "Aw, no donuts?"

Meryl sighed. She looked exhausted. Charcoal circles rimmed her grey-blue eyes. "Keep that up and I'll unwrap these bandages and make an exception. Eat. Millie took a long time making this."

Vash put on a pout and started eating. It was actually really good...

Millie returned in a bit, a determined and satisfied grin on her face. "I got Mr. Knives to eat! Told him I wouldn't leave until he ate something." She put her hands on her hips. "I think he didn't like it but he ate. That is so good, because I was getting worried about him. He's so stubborn, kind of like you, Mr. Vash!"

Vash hoped that their stubborn nature was the only thing that he and his brother shared. He smiled half-heartedly.

"Something the matter?" Millie asked, eyes traveling over Meryl's defensive posture and Vash's look of silent contemplation.

Vash forced a big grin to his face. "Nope! Everything's fine." He finished eating and thanked Millie and Meryl profusely for such a great dinner before he ransacked the cupboards in search of donuts. Millie grinned and finally told him that she'd hidden them in the refrigerator at Meryl's request. Meryl just buried her head in the only hand she could lift to her face.

* * *

An empty tray at his side, Knives sat on the bed, staring at the door. So far, this was the only place relatively clean of the humans' filth.

He had to get out of here.The entire house was disgusting, and Knives did not want to spend one moment more than he had to in this place. With each day that passed, he felt more tainted. His eyes had learned to ignore small imperfections, and had found himself excusing the humans' small errors. The fact that he was becoming used to sharing small things like silverware with the humans made him feel as if their essence had corrupted him.

Soon, he and Vash would have to leave. Knives wasn't sure how much of this he could take.

Vash had not healed completely, and though Knives was hesitant to admit it, his brother's interaction with the humans seemed to be helping him a lot. Knives shook his head. _Vash, dear brother, you don't even know what you can do, do you? _When Knives had first realized the extent of his abilities, he had taken weeks to grasp their concept. Even before Vash even knew of the existence of those abilities, he had used them unconsciously.

He had such a strong connection to his emotions... That was probably why Vash's recovery had been so precarious. Though they could also be accelerated, depending on his will, Vash's healing abilities had been compromised by the emotions of the people around him.

Another reason why emotions were the mark of the weak.

Knives sighed. He wondered if Vash would ever learn. _Will you listen to me, brother? I only want to show you things that will help you. Everything...everything I've done has been for your best, whether or not you see it._

Sitting up abruptly, Knives realized what he would have to do to get Vash to leave. It was so simple.

* * *

Millie and Meryl rested across from each other in the living room, neither of them saying anything. The twin suns cast their last rays through the open window and the thin curtains covering it, making golden criss-cross cloth patterns across the walls. Knives' presence in the house made small talk awkward, so the two just sat in silence. Vash watched from the entrance to the hall, leaning against the solid wood behind him. He'd done a lot of watching since he'd arrived here. Most of the time no one even knew he was doing it.

He didn't think that Meryl of Millie knew now, either. Meryl had a book cradled in her hands, even though she didn't seem to be reading it. Millie stared at the floor as if it was the most interesting sight in the world. She had the wrinkled expression that said she was thinking deeply.

And Vash just watched, hesitant to interrupt their comfortable silence. That's what he liked so much about watching. His presence wouldn't disrupt their lives. He'd never wanted to impose problems on the two, but his presence somehow always seemed to do just that.

He stood up after a few moments, ready to head outside again. The air in here flowed thick with unspoken words, and he still had not thought of a way to protect the girls.

A fiery pain surged through Vash's arm and shoulder, and he stumbled at the very moment he stood upright. He gripped the doorway to keep from falling, but let go when the pain only got worse, sending hot agony through his whole arm like lava flowing in his veins.

He would not have minded it if the pain was not so familiar. He knew this feeling, though he had only felt it a few times before.

It was so much worse this time, though. Vash felt his arm changing, muscles altering and skin transforming. A by now familiar blade formed and slid into his hand. "_Knives.." _

He stood to his feet again against his own will. He couldn't stop himself. Oh God... "Knives, what are you doing to me?" A voice spoke in his head, and he was sure it wasn't his own. It was so loud and so strong, impossible to ignore. He gripped the blade by its handle and stood in the shadows, staring at the two girls who could not see him at all.

_They'd be so easy to kill, right here...right now._

Vash shook his head, his entire body shaking. _No!_ But no matter how hard his body trembled, the grip on the knife in his transformed hand never slackened.

_Kill them._

It wasn't a voice, it was a command. His body responded even though his mind screamed against it. Tears stung at his eyes.

But just as quickly as the transformation had happened, his arm changed back to normal, his brother's signature blade gone. Vash stared down at himself, disgust rising inside him. He was going to be sick. _I almost killed them._

Without sparing a glance at the girls, he ran past them to the porch, and sat in the dark corner, wanting to be alone for the first time in a very, very long time.

"Close call, wasn't it, brother?"

Vash looked up, his fear and tears replaced by anger. His eyes adjusted quickly to the light outside to reveal his brother's casually standing form. The careless way Knives looked down made Vash's fists clench. "Knives..." he gasped. "_Why—?_"

Knives answered Vash's broken question. "Because I wanted to show you how volatile your abilities really are. Even I can control then better than you can, and if I had not allowed to to stop me, your precious pets would be dead...by your own hand."

Vash glared upward and stood on unsteady legs. "Then why didn't you make me kill them? I know that you want to. You don't understand them."

"Why?" Knives echoed Vash's question with a gently solemn tone that surprised Vash. "I hate those things, but _you _don't. That's why, for the moment, I will leave them alone."

Vash could not think of anything to say.

Knives continued. "Let me show you how to use your powers, Vash. I can teach you many things."

"But I can't..."

"Do you want to accidentally harm the ones you care for?"

Vash clenched his teeth and did not reply.

Knives stepped out of the shadows and walked off of the porch. "Think about it. I'll talk to you later."

Vash was left alone again in the night that was no longer calm and welcome. The darkness felt alive, as if it was reaching out and whispering ominous threats in his ear.

Leave Millie and Meryl again?

_Maybe this was the compromise he'd been looking for. Maybe this was the only way to keep them safe._

Vash stood up and looked back in at the comfortable silence the girls shared, and as Millie laughed softly, Vash realized that he had never felt so far away from them. The sound of her laugher stopped on a barrier that separated him from them. They were so close to him. So close...but too close to touch.

_'Knives, I'll do it. As soon as I can walk an ile without passing out, I'll go with you. If you even touch the girls before then, I'll kill you.'_

Knives took a while replying. _'I'm glad you saw sense. We'll head out next week.'_

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Well, everything has to start somewhere! This is a bit of a short chapter, and not too much is going on, but a lot more will happen in later chapters. I've been going crazy with new ideas, and more likely than not, I'll implement them. Please tell me if you noticed any parts where people were out of character. If you read this far, I commend you. Thanks! Please, **please **leave a review and I'll be eternally grateful! It'll only take a second and it will make me so ecstatic. (Gets on knees in the mud) **I BEG OF YOU!**_


	10. Silent Farewell

**Silent Farewell**

**Notes: **_Trigun does not belong to me. The characters and story and everything else belong to...well, people who aren't me. Anyway, on with the show! Things seem calm...or maybe not._

* * *

"Pudding! Oh, Mr. Vash, it's on sale! Can I get some, please?"

"Um...uh..." He was almost certain that Millie still held her job as a construction worker. "You have money already, don't you, big girl? What are you going to do with that?"

Millie looked at him, her cool blue eyes pools of happy innocence. "Well, I'll buy pudding of course! But I also have to do other things..." she sighed.

Vash thought for a moment before giving in. "Oh, _okay!_ You ladies are going to suck me dry, you know that? I won't have a double dollar to live off of when I—" and he stopped himself there. _When I leave, _he finished silently. He had healed quickly since that night when Knives presented his ultimatum, and he would be leaving soon. The least he could do was to buy them some stuff. It wasn't like he needed the money where he was going. They stopped in. Millie loaded a veritable mountain of pudding cans into her arms and walked out with a grin brighter than the twin suns.

Meryl followed along in almost the same way she always had, just a bit ahead of him and ever watchful. She lagged back just a bit, and she didn't look so watchful, though. While Millie shopped in every available window, looking at each item before continuing on, Meryl only spared her surroundings a glance. To her great enjoyment, the bandages had been removed from her chest and shoulders, leaving much less constricting gauze wraps that allowed free movement. The shirt she wore over them was really loose and a light blue like the sky above them. Vash was still in shock that Meryl had anything but those crazy stiff white shirts. He had to admit...she did look a lot less formidable this way.

"Mr. Vash, stop dawdling! Are we walking or are we not? Millie, let's leave him behind. Maybe he'll be trampled by a thomas."

She _looked_ less formidable, but really it was just like putting frosting on a shark. She was _deadly. _He sighed and raced to catch up with her. Those arms were free and he was pretty sure that his ratio of slaps needed to slaps given was drastically lacking on one side. He stood far enough back that she'd have to turn to get to him.

As soon as he found an open doorway, he walked into it, using Millie as a shield. The tall woman didn't even realize he'd gone. She'd bagged the pudding tins and slung them over her shoulder, and was halfway through elaborately emptying a can of chocolate vanilla swirl with a single hand and her tongue.

Meryl kept walking.

Vash sighed and leaned against the door. Cool air swept over him. It felt so nice in here...

"May I help you with anything, sir?"

"Ahhhh..." Vash turned around and his eyes went wide. "Yikes!"

Beautiful jewels and weaponry that could not possibly have any practical use winked at him from glass display cases. Vash smiled into the greedy eyes of the owner. "I don't think so. I'm hiding."

The man's warm demeanor turned a bit icy at Vash's declaration that he wasn't here to buy, but curiosity won over. "Angry wife?"

Vash shook his head. "I'd hope not. No, there are these two girls who are always following me around. It's really crazy."

The shop owner quirked an eyebrow. "You got two little ladies trailin' you? Wish I was that lucky. I been single all my life."

Vash nodded. "I can relate. Anyways, I better get moving before they find me! They'll eat me alive."

* * *

The girls caught up to him when he tried to sneak out. Meryl had been waiting, and those evil little feet tapped a tune on the dusty ground. "And just what were you doing?"

Vash lowered his head. "Just looking around."

Meryl's hands were on her hips, pale eyes narrowed, and it was like it had been a thousand times, like nothing had changed at all since the very first time they'd met. Vash tried to remember how both of them looked because he knew that he'd be leaving soon.

Maybe he'd never see them again.

Vash hoped not. He'd been wandering since he'd landed on this planet, since July...since Augusta. When he had been with Wolfwood and the insurance girls, it almost felt as if this planet was a bit more like a home to him.

A home with very strange occupants.

"We need to get home! You know your brother could have demolished it by now?"

Meryl shook her head and tromped off. Millie stayed behind. "She doesn't mean it, you know. Sempai's probably just tired." She grinned at him, and Vash spotted a dot of chocolate on her nose. He'd never see a sight like that again. He allowed himself a wry smile. Millie looked closely at him. "Are you okay, Mr. Vash? You look sad."

He offered her a smile that he'd perfected. "Nah, I just think too much. Let's all stop thinking for a while and just have fun, okay?"

Millie smiled. "That sounds good! My little big brother once told me that I never think, anyway!"

Vash laughed. "Really? Big brothers must be tough."

"Oh...not really. They were really nice to me and they always let me play with them. I knew they didn't mean a lot of what they said because boys just say those kind of things. Everybody does. They always have pretend lives and pretend words, you know? They really care about each other 'cause family's like that."

Vash's smile faded. "Yeah."

"Hurry up, you two!"

At Meryl's command, Vash almost snapped to attention, but he figured that doing so wouldn't make Meryl any happier, so he refrained.

The big woman reached into her pudding sack and pulled two out. She handed one to Vash. "Here. I think you'll like this! It always makes me happy."

He have her a real smile and looked at the little pudding cup. "Thanks."

She started walking ahead. Millie turned around once she'd reached the steps that led up to the little house. "If you don't say what you're thinking, your mind will explode. My brothers told me that, too. I know it's not true, though." She turned around and walked into the house.

* * *

Dinner was the same as always. It went quickly and in relative silence, and then everyone went off to their respective rooms. Vash left the table early. He usually ate up and was the last to leave, and Meryl found it especially odd since there were donuts up for the taking.

In fact...

Meryl sat on her bed now, staring at nothing and remembering. Vash had been oddly out of character all day long. Every time he thought she wasn't looking he'd space out and get this horribly sad look in his eyes, like his puppy had just died or something. Meryl shook her head and rolled over. Her hair caught on something sharp and pointed, and she jerked up in bed, rubbing at her hair.

"Oww..." She pulled something small and fragile from the pillow. The dim night glow caught on it and cast glittering stars onto the walls and ceiling. In her hands was the most beautiful necklace she'd ever seen. Its slender chain was silver and a single jewel hung suspended from it, its color a soft aquamarine. A little paper was looped around it. Meryl turned the lamp beside her up, and looked at the note.

_Thought you'd like this, and Millie got some pudding earlier so I couldn't leave you out._

And the note was signed with a hasty scrawl, _Vash._

Now what would the broomhead do that for? This must have cost a whole load of double dollars and he was just complaining about money! Meryl's eyes went right back to the jewel, but her mind wandered to Vash.

Yet another in a strange series of events.

He really had been acting strangely today.

Meryl bit her lip. She supposed something was bothering him. _Well, get up and go ask. _Her mind's reply was simple enough, but even the thought of dropping in on Vash made her feel stupid. He was probably awake! He'd look at her with those turquoise eyes and he'd probably ask what she was doing in there. And what would she say?

No. She'd stay right here.

Her heart still pricked at her. _She really should go talk to him, and thank him..._

Meryl got up slowly and walked down the hall to the room that Vash and Knives shared. Mr. Knives had left this morning to do something or other, though. Thank goodness. She stood by it, hand poised to knock, but she decided to just open the door.

She was shocked by what she saw.

Vash's little amount of clothes, his boots...every single thing he'd arrived with or procured since his arrival was gone.

Vash was gone.

Gone again, and she still hadn't said a word to him that she'd actually meant.

"Vash!"

* * *

Vash walked out on the sand. Up ahead, Knives' silhouette was contrasted against the cool sky. "I'm here."

Knives stood. "I've been waiting. You're slow."

"I had to wait until the girls were asleep. Besides, what do you care? We both have plenty of time to waste. It's not like an hour means much." His words were spoken with a dry sarcasm that Knives hadn't heard before.

Knives turned around and started walking. "I left a car out here. I doubt anyone would have bothered to touch the piece of junk. If we can start it up then the ride will be much faster.

Vash felt a pain in his chest that was not physical, a phantom ache that left a feeling that he'd never return to the girls again.

"Goodbye, Meryl," he whispered.

Iles and iles passed in utter silence. The only sound was the rush of sand whipping against their clothes.

* * *

**Author's Notes**: _I had a lot of fun with this chapter, and I hope that you had fun reading it. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Did I do the chapter okay? I had so much fun writing the beginning! Millie and pudding. I swear I'll never, ever look at pudding and donuts in the same way again._


	11. No Place to Run

**No Place to Run**

**Notes: **_Trigun is not mine. It isn't...really. Maybe if I keep telling myself that I'll get over my grief. Love y'all for the great reviews you've given! Thanks for the encouragement to keep writing!_

* * *

Two figures interrupted the flawless expanse of sky, backs to the rising yellow suns that cast reflected colors through the scattered clouds. The few small clouds in the sky had been painted with vivid lavender and maroon. "Oh, how much _farther?"_

"If you stopped complaining and just shut up, I'm sure it wouldn't seem too long, brother," Knives hissed tolerantly, a shark-like smile gracing his cold features.

Vash sighed and blew air up his face so that his hair ruffled over his eyes. It had already begun to droop in the desert heat. It wasn't like he'd made a huge effort to keep it spiked in a long time, anyway. "It's so hot out here. I'm tired." He actually wasn't too tired, but anything to break this silence that had been between them for the last three hours. They'd walked through the night and continued walking as dawn made its debut. Now the suns were up and it would be a lot harder going.

Knives frowned, sending a telepathic retort to Vash. _'Stop talking. As in now. Only an hour more and we'll have reached the car.'_

The cold silence again spanned miles between them despite the fact that they stood only inches apart.

Vash shrugged and glanced over at his silent brother. Well, he'd tried.

A bit more than the promised hour passed before they saw a boxy car settled deep into the sand. The jeep had accumulated several inches of sand on its seats, and the steering wheel displayed an impressive pillar on it. Knives winced. It looked like they'd spent years away from this thing rather than weeks.

He brushed the sand off of his seat and left Vash to fend for himself. He'd pocketed the keys when he'd left, and stuck them into the ignition now. Mentally crossing his fingers, he twisted it. The engine gave a sound similar to that of a man gasping his last rattling breath. Knives waited. The engine finally turned. It wasn't a purr by any means, but it was running, and that was all he could ask for.

Vash's fingers brushed a bullet hole on the car's side. "Knives..."

He looked over. "That's what happened when I was trying to take you out of that disgusting technologically inferior pit of a hospital. The gun was fired by a man who called himself a doctor, no less. Aren't they supposed to repair the harm that others have caused? Get in, Vash, before this engine quits."

Vash opened the door and sat down in the passenger seat. He grabbed a few handfuls of sand and threw them out. Knives did a quick U-turn and continued to drive away from the sunrise.

Knives looked at the fuel gauge. "We'll need to stop in the nearest town. Tell me if you see anything."

Vash nodded, but his eyes went back to the blinding light of the suns, where he could imagine Millie and Meryl just waking up. _I'm really sorry, I didn't have any choice but to leave._

"Are you listening to me, Vash?"

Vash jerked around in the seat at his brother's tired question. "Huh?"

"I thought so. You're thinking about those spiders, aren't you? Why do you waste your time on such things? They're helpless, useless and painfully imperfect. It's like having mercy on a parasite, brother. If you do not crush it while you hold it in your hand, by freeing it, you allow it to feed off of others."

Vash wanted to speak up, wanted to tell his brother that the insurance girls were nothing like that, but a few simple words would not change his brother's perspective. Vash wondered what it _would _take. _Do I have to die by your hand before you see what I'm trying to tell you?_

They both went silent. Knives stared straight ahead and Vash just looked back behind them, not caring that the dust obscured his view. The suns had risen and shone straight above them by the time the car finally gave out, its engine choking, catching and dying.

"I'd hoped we'd be able to get closer to the town, but I suppose this will have to do. At least we have a destination." Knives stared at the jagged outline of a town a few iles off. He sighed and opened his door.

Vash got out of the car before his brother did, avoiding the wisps of hot steam rising from the hood.. "We need food and water, too. I'll get a jug of fuel to hold us. Um...you wait here, okay? We both don't need to go."

Knives looked at his brother and thought for a moment. "Okay. Hurry up, though. This confounded heat is killing me."

Vash nodded. "I will."

He raced off.

The closer he got to the town, the more familiar it seemed. A tall cliff fenced off the outskirts, shading the town from sunlight. His eyes almost instinctively wandered to the top, and he was suddenly, painfully certain where he was.

This was LR Town. This was where he had...where he'd...killed. No matter how much he thought about it and rationalized it and promised that he would look to the future, it still made him sick to think that a man had died by his own hand at the precipice of that cliff. He averted his eyes, realizing that he had spent several minutes staring up. Several minutes he'd not spent walking. He hurried on, forcing those thoughts from his mind. Anything but that...

Boy was he hungry! In fact, he remembered a really great donut place here. _Knives wouldn't mind. After all, who could possibly have anything against those soft, warm wonders of man?_

Vash hurried, and about twenty minutes later, he arrived at the edge of town. He hoped no one would recognize him. At the very moment Midvalley had spoken his name on that day, the people had panicked. Vash winced. He didn't think they'd associate the person they remembered with the person he was now, though. The coat was gone, as was the gun and the spiky hair, replaced with a messy mop of blond strands and his black bodysuit with a scarlet jacket over it. He knew he stood out, but not too much. No, he'd probably go through town without incident.

That actually sounded very nice.

Vash walked to the center of the city, where the masses mingled around little shops on the square. This was where the sandsteamers docked. Right now there was no sandsteamer, but life still thrived here.

The silence he'd endured on the edge of town with only his dark thoughts was replaced with children's happy shrieks and the comfortable buzz of conversation. It filled the void usually occupied by doubt, and did not give him time to think about the men who had died here. He stopped by the donut stand, where a familiar face cast an unbearably huge smile at him.

A woman as round and soft as the donuts she served cried out enthusiastically, "Hello! Great morning, huh? What can I getcha?"

Vash rummaged in his pockets. He knew it wasn't smart to buy donuts before fuel, but he could spare five double dollars' worth.

He hoped.

He tucked his bag of donuts under his arm and went to get the fuel. He filled the jug, slung it over his shoulder, and searched out some water to fill the canteens. His trip back was certainly going to be more difficult than the trip here.

Vash walked back to the center of town and stared out to the sandy horizon. Somewhere he couldn't see, Knives sat waiting. Vash's eyes traveled to the cliff again, and he shuddered. More than a few of the happily chatting people all around him were faces he recognized.

They had been the ones Legato had manipulated to hurt Millie and Meryl. Vash wondered if they remembered at all.

Memories of the blackness on top of that hill filled his mind.

_All around him, the townspeople were unconscious. Millie and Meryl lay among them, and Vash wasn't sure if the two were dead or just unconscious. Had he been too late? Oh God, what had he done? What had he become? He remembered blood...Legato's blood, staining the ground, spreading out and sinking into the dust, turning it into a red-black mud as cold golden eyes stared blindly to the sky. "Rem..." But he didn't see her at all. She was gone. He couldn't recall her face or her smile or the voice that had always comforted him. More than the blood, _that_ terrified him. Rem was gone._

"Hey! Hey Mister, are you okay? You're all quiet. What are you looking at? What's up there?"

Vash tore his eyes away from the hill, his right hand going to his prosthetic left one. He looked down to see a little head and a clenched hand pulling at his leg. Two children stood below him. "I was just thinking."

The smaller boy, a slender one with messy brown hair, nodded, a serious look on his face. "I think a lot, too. What do you think about?"

Vash smiled. "Grown-up stuff."

The boy looked at Vash's bag. "Whatcha got in there?"

"Um...donuts."

The little boy's eyes glittered. "Can I have one?"

A thin woman swept up to the boys. She had short brown hair and green eyes that wandered and worried. She bit her lip and offered Vash a weak smile. "I'm so sorry my son was bothering you!" She directed her gaze to the little boy. "Deni, you know not to ask people for things!"

Vash held the bag out to the kid. "Here...take one."

The boy plunged his hand into the bag and fished around. His mother stared apologetically at Vash. "It's no problem at all," he told her. He smiled and waved as he walked away. Knives would be waiting.

The boy Deni waved with warm enthusiasm and called a muffled thank you through a mouth full of donut.

Vash smiled softly as he headed back. The afternoon suns shone brightly down on LR.

* * *

"Sempai, please don't! What are you so worried about? Please...stop for a moment! You're not doing any good for your injuries. Sempai, _stop!"_ Millie finally stood in Meryl's path.

Meryl stilled. Her lips pressed together tightly, and both hands clenched her suitcase. With Millie in her way, she could not take a single step. "Move, please, Millie."

"But what are you doing? Where is Mr. Vash?"

"He's gone! He left again. Millie, we have to follow him."

"But...we were off the job."

Meryl glared into her partner's yellow coat. "We were never off it! I've been writing regular reports to them. We just stopped working for a while because he was _gone_ for a while! There's no reason not to—Millie, it's our job! _You _said it one day...that if we don't work, we don't get paid."

"But Meryl, I already have a job. I work construction here."

"Well, you'll have to stop. We really need to go. Where could he have gone? Why didn't that idiot say goodbye? How rude of him!"

Meryl stepped past her friend and continued to huff out complaints under her breath.

"Meryl..."

Despite the fact that her friend had used her first name, Meryl still ignored it.

"Sempai, stop!"

Meryl turned around.

"Why are you doing this?"

Meryl stiffened. "Because it's our job."

Millie sighed. "Why are you doing this?" she repeated.

"I just told you!"

"What if he didn't want us to find him?"

Meryl pulled in a huge breath, but did not speak.

"Sempai...have you told him?"

Meryl glanced up briefly before shaking her head, and she let it fall to her chest as a blush stained her cheeks. "I...no. Not yet." She looked up and met Millie's eyes. "We need to find him."

Millie sighed. She herself had said to never hold back in matters of the heart, so there was nothing to say here. Sempai had not directly acknowledged that anything other than her duty propelled her to find the blond gunman, but this was the closest she'd come.

"Okay, Sempai. Let me get my things and we can go."

* * *

Vash didn't know how long they'd been driving. It must have been hours, because it was dark now, but he didn't remember the twin suns setting. Vash stared out to the world that passed by beside him. His eyes wandered over the dunes.

The car's headlights lit their path, and Vash watched the road carved out for them by the light.

Something caught his eye, and his heart felt like it had stopped.

He waited a bit before saying, "Knives, stop."

Knives turned to Vash, but finally pulled the car to a halt. "What is it?"

Vash opened the door and stepped out. "I'll just be a minute! Wait here."

Vash walked back behind him, his steps quickening with his racing thoughts. He was glad that he'd told Knives to stop several yarz ahead of his destination, because if he'd seen what he thought he'd seen, then it would be best that Knives not realize the reason for this break.

Vash wandered for a few minutes, swiping his boots over the sand in search for it. "Come on...I know it was here..."

And it was.

Vash reached down and brushed at the dust and sand with his fingers until he saw a star-like glint of metal. He dug deeper until he touched something soft, and continued to uncover it.

Even in the dim near darkness, he could see the red color of the cloth.

Vash pulled the coat from the sand and rolled it up. This coat was his past. It was a testimony to the birth of this planet and the roots of determination that kept everyone here moving, a memoir of horrible things that could not be taken back...but he wouldn't run from the things he'd done. All of his life had been spent running. It was time to face those things. Vash looked at the silver revolver on the sand. He reached toward the familiar grip, but he stopped. He didn't really need the gun anymore.

Vash walked back to the car, dropping the tattered scarlet duster into the back seat before Knives saw it.

"What was it, brother?"

Vash shrugged and took his seat again, looking straight into Knives' eyes. "Thought I saw something, that's all. It was nothing."

Knives smiled. "There really is nowhere to run. You're coming with me whether you like it or not, dear brother."

Vash looked ahead at the headlights and the sand as Knives restarted the car. _I know that. I didn't plan on running away. _

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_I hope that you liked this! This seems to seriously screw up every time I save it, so...here's hoping it doesn't! I suppose this is the beginning of the end. I think this story will have around five or six more chapters, but it could end up being a lot longer, too. I hope that this was okay! Please tell me your thoughts, because reviews are a writer's fuel, you know! Whether positive or negative, I appreciate all feedback. Thanks for taking the time to read._


	12. Paradise Veiled in Black

**Paradise Veiled in Black**

**Notes: **_Ah, the 12th chapter! Darn I just love titling these things. I love writing all the wonderful characters and more than anything, I love all the reviewers who've encouraged me and kept me writing! I honestly hope that you enjoy reading this short chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. More to come soon..._

* * *

Air whistled through Vash's hair as he leaned out of the rolled-down window. His face was lazily propped up with a fist, and his eyes wandered far out onto the horizon, scanning it for a familiar flash of foliage. _He'd walked a while before he'd thrown those weapons down. The geo plant was probably close to them. Maybe they were even passing it right now._

But he didn't see it.

He could not even spot its outline, and Vash cursed the darkness he stared into. Even that small piece of paradise was veiled by the night. _Isn't it always? _Vash reflected. _The good things seemed to be obscured by darkness so much of the time._

Vash shook himself out of his contemplation. He wasn't going to get anywhere thinking like this. He smiled as he remembered Rem's words to him.

You're always so serious...

She'd said he'd turn into an old man if he kept thinking that way. God knew he tried to do what she'd said, but sometimes...sometimes it was hard not to let things get to him. Despite his efforts, his soul was ragged and worn. Vash sighed and still aimlessly searched the darkness. "Sorry, Rem. I try."

"What did you say, Vash?"

"Oh...Nothing."

Vash forced a smile to his face. He turned his gaze ahead, wondering where Knives was taking him. "Where are we going, anyway?" And what was going to happen when they arrived?

Knives did not turn to look at Vash, but he smiled. "To my home. Some of our sisters are there, too. It's far from those parasites. I think you'll like it."

* * *

Meryl and Millie had hitched a ride with an old man on his way to the sandsteamer in LR, and now stood in the center of the buzzing activity in the heart of the town. "Well...we should at least ask around." Meryl wasn't sure that Vash would have come back here, but it was the nearest town to the little one in which they'd been staying. She had to try. If she gave up now, they'd never find him.

She and Millie wandered the busy paths, avoiding running children, dodging couples with arms linked and voices low, and stepping around groups of men and women wandering the dusty down. The sandsteamer had docked, and life in LR was more active than ever, and would remain so in the following days before the leviathan's departure. Staring up at the dull copper-colored monster, Meryl sighed. She had come to hate those things. Twice she had gotten on them, and twice she had been kidnapped. It wasn't a good track record.

But there wasn't time to think about that. Vash may have even still been here...

No. He'd left with Knives, and Meryl couldn't imagine any scenario in which Vash's human-hating brother would take the 'Steamer.

Meryl bit her lip and looked around. Millie wandered carelessly through the crowd, distinguished by her abnormal height and the sunny colors of her coat and shawl. Meryl's eyes caught a small booth, and she turned in its direction. She smiled dryly.

No...it really couldn't. It couldn't possibly be that simple.

She walked up to the booth and was greeted by a painfully cheery woman. "Can I help ya?"

"Um, yes. I'm Meryl Stryfe of the Bernardelli Insurance Society. I'm looking for someone. You wouldn't be able to remember a certain customer, would you? I think...he may have stopped by here."

"Can't say I will, but you can ask. What's this fella look like?"

"He's..." Meryl thought it over. He'd changed a lot and didn't look as noticeable as he'd looked before. "He's kind of tall, blond, crazy hair...he was probably wearing black with a red jacket. And he's crazy for donuts." _He's stupid and he's got those big big blue eyes and I don't even know why I care, why I left that nice little home that we made. _"Uh, have you seen him?"

The woman thought for a while, adjusting her apron and turning her attention to some freshly made donuts. Her eyes squinted as if she was thinking very hard. "Yeah. Yeah! I think I know the guy! He came in and bought five double dollars' worth of 'em yesterday. He left that way." She pointed out. "More'n likely that they're heading out there." Her finger trailed the horizon, past the town and the cliff where Legato Bluesummers had died. Meryl felt an ice cold shudder run the length of her. "He bought some fuel and headed out. Must have had a car, so..." her voice trailed off. "Yeah, up there's the best route."

"You wouldn't happen to know how much fuel he got?"

"Ah...enough. A jug about...yeah, this big. I only remember because I figured it'd be hard to carry it since he was _walking._"

"Okay! Thank you." Meryl nodded politely and walked away, searching Millie out in the crowd. "Well, I think I know where we're going to go."

The tall woman was looking at everything in the square, childish adoration on her face. "Did you find him, Sempai?" she asked.

"I think so. Sort of. They're in some kind of car. We have to check it out. I don't know where they could possibly be, but if...if we take the steamer, I'll bet we can catch up with him, maybe even get ahead."

Millie looked confused and examined her friend as if she was insane. "But then what?"

Meryl's façade was firmly in place when she said, "We sit in the town and wait to hear rumors of destruction, and we go where they lead."

Millie nodded. "Sempai..."

"Yes?"

"Make me a promise, okay?"

Meryl tried to see what her friend was thinking, but Millie's normally expressive eyes showed nothing but concern. "What about, Millie?"

"Promise me you'll tell Mr. Vash when you see him again."

She strongly emphasized the word _when. _Meryl avoided Millie's gaze. For all the activity around them, this conversation seemed strangely personal, as if no one else heard or cared, as if all the loud sounds had suddenly stopped, leaving the two standing alone. "But—Millie..."

"Promise me, and I'll get on that steamer with you and go wherever you go for as long as it takes. Please promise, Sempai. It hurts when I look at you and Mr. Vash and see that you're both not saying things that you should! Some people...don't get the time to say the things they need to say."

Meryl thought of Wolfwood, and she felt like a rebuked child; ashamed. "I'm sorry, Millie."

Millie still looked on, waiting, her usually tranquil features set into an expression of concern and determination.

"Millie...I..."

"Sempai." Millie crossed her arms.

"I...I do need to—to say some things to him. It's just... Okay Millie. I promise."

By then, Meryl was blushing so hard that it felt like the desert heat had skyrocketed.

Millie hugged her friend spontaneously, a huge grin brightening her face. The momentary look of sadness had passed. "Good! Now let's go get ready to chase Mr. Vash!"

Meryl found herself smiling too.

Millie pulled two cups of pudding out of her jacket, and then two spoons. She handed one to Meryl, who didn't even bother asking where her friend stashed that stuff. Millie opened up her pudding and ate it while they walked, but Meryl waited.

She followed Millie and they made their way through the town. They took a room at the inn there and stayed up through the night, planning their moves, eating pudding, and just talking.

* * *

It must have only been hours, but it seemed like days had passed in the tense silence of the car. Vash was just about to do something insane to break the built-up dam of unsaid words, but something about his surroundings kept him from speaking.

The night sky was clear and cast starlight down on them, and three of the moons were visible in the sky. Their conjoined light was an eerie white-blue, and everything it touched looked lifeless. Ahead of them, sand and dust swirled with the brisk wind, snapping against the car. The dunes of sand rose up around them on every side.

The car drove over a big dune and down...down into a recess that swirled with what looked like grey fog. Vash supposed it was just dust touched by the moonlight, but it sure looked awful creepy.

"There," Knives said.

For a moment, the dust obscured everything, but Vash made out the vague outline of something as the dust was blown by the wind.

Something huge and pale rose from the ground. Jagged peaks jutted from it and scraped the sky. They were white on the outside, but behind them, the worn and unpainted metal was blacker than night. Large letters contrasted against the pale color. Though barely visible, they were still there.

SEEDs.

"This is my home, brother."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Sorry this one was short. I'll have my next chapter up very soon and it will have some very interesting things happening in it. This chapter is just a short one to show where the characters are. A calm before the storm, I suppose. The next one should start things rolling to the conclusion. Please review, and thank you for reading! (Pushes review button close to reader.)_


	13. Broken Angel

**Broken Angel**

**Disclaimer/Notes:** _Yes! I think I'm going to have fun writing this one. I've been looking forward to it ever since I penned my outline, because this is the one where things start really moving. I think. Anyway, hope you have a comfy seat, and enjoy reading! On with the story..._

* * *

_"See, Vash? Look around you. This is what things can be like without humans marring everything. Isn't it beautiful? This is what the world will be like one day. What we'll make it to be."_

Knives had spoken those words when they entered the ship, and they echoed in the silence of Vash's surroundings. Despite the century that had passed since the Fall, the lost technology of the ship still functioned with flawless ease, as if it had been only days and not countless decades since it had been created. The lights shone down on Vash's shoulders as he wandered the halls, their glow just as bright as it had always been.

Everything was just as it had been so long ago. The only thing absent was life. Vash found himself straining to hear soft whispers or laughs, telltale signs of existence, but he heard nothing. There was no one here to break the horrible silence and stem the flow of painful thoughts that filled it.

Memories whispered through the corridors and sent shivers down Vash's neck as he walked through the sterile halls. He had never thought about it, but he supposed that he should have been ready for the fact that all the other ships would look like the one he and Knives were born on. Every corridor, every room abounded with memories of their childhood aboard the SEEDs ship. _Mary, Joey, Rowan...Steve._

Rem.

Each name brought a different feeling, each memory a different sensation. Some were pleasant, others not.

All of them were as clear and real as the day they had been conceived.

Vash wandered the familiar corridors. He ran his hands along the cool metal of the walls. Once they'd entered, Knives had allowed Vash to wander, mumbling that there were some things he needed to do. Vash saw a familiar door, and he put his hand on the scanner pad. A soft light ran the length of his hand. With a hiss, the door opened.

Soft sunlight poured in, erasing the alien feeling that had encompassed him since he'd entered this place. The windowless halls had seemed so lonely without any remnants of life in them. Vash looked around. The ship was standing off-center in the sand, so the walk into the room was slightly downhill. Once inside, he looked around.

Vash stood in the bridge of the ship. The thick glass in front of him was cracked with spider-webbed breaks spreading out from some strong point of impact, and the glass outside—the part that not buried in sand—was covered with an almost permanent film of dust. It was beautiful, though. The usually brutal rays of sunlight were morphed and softened by the window, and they took on an ethereal beauty. The sunlight was warm but not overbearing, a rippling, smoky yellow.

It seemed almost warm in here compared to the frightening chill that shrouded the rest of the ship. Vash immediately liked this place. He reached under his jacket and pulled his old coat from beneath it, letting the folded cloth unroll to touch the floor. He'd taken it from the back of the jeep when they'd entered this place.

The red fabric was dry and dusty, and he was sure that if he shook it, the dust that came out would fill the room. Little rips, tears and ragged bullet holes bore testimony to a thousand memories. Vash sighed and slipped his jacket off. He put one arm into the old coat. The cloth was warm from having been held close to him. It felt like it always had, like he'd never taken it off. He pulled it on and left the buttons unfastened.

Ahead of him sat a long seat like the one that he and Knives used to play on while the crew worked. It had been overturned, but it still provided a nice resting place. Vash settled into it and stared out to nothing as he remembered the days spent here. He remembered when he and Knives had both played with and trusted Rem. They hadn't even been big enough to touch the scanner on their tiptoes. Sometimes Vash just wished that he could go back and start over with Knives. He wondered if things would turn out differently. But despite all the other things he and Knives were able to do, turning back time wasn't one of them.

He needed to stop thinking about things he could do nothing about. He needed to think about _now, _about how he could change things so that one day he would be able to return to Meryl and the big girl.

Vash was too deep in thought to hear his brother enter behind him, but he still knew. He felt it like an icy shudder. Knives' form, framed in the cold white light from the outside and enveloped by the warm yellow light from within the room, cast double shadows across the floor.

"Vash, I've been looking all over for you. What are you doing in—?" Knives stopped when he saw Vash's red duster. "Brother?" The words were a dangerous hiss, stained with disgust. "Take that thing off."

It wasn't a suggestion. It was an order. Vash stood.

"No, Knives."

"The stupid human who inspired you to wear that is the one who corrupted you, and I will not allow you to wear that thing while you're in here. She took you away from me! She turned you against me. Take it _off,_ Vash."

Vash turned around, drawing a calm breath, and he met Knives' eyes. Their cool blue was alive with disgust and disdain. Vash had not seen his brother angry like this in a long time. "Rem didn't corrupt me, Knives. She showed me that for every person like Steve, there's one like her. She showed me the truth I would have missed had I not known her. You're wrong."

"She was a flawed mass of contradictions with ideals that get people _killed! _The disgusting marks on your body should tell you that much." Knives lowered his head so that only his icy eyes were visible. They stared intensely at Vash, burning with a controlled fire that seemed so much worse than rage.

"Vash..."

Vash did not respond.

"You disgust me sometimes. The spiders have corrupted you so much that...sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to extract their venom from your mind."

Vash laughed dryly, all pretense gone. "From _my_ mind? What kind of person kills children and women and men just because they're human, just because they don't know any better? Maybe we can do things that they never will. They're using our sisters, but when someone doesn't know something, it's customary to teach it to them rather than killing them."

"They will never learn! Their race will always put their own concerns above the concerns of fellow beings. Cannibalism, brother. Murder for personal profit...need I say more? It was a fluke that they survived at all. _Rem Saverem. _She's the reason these people continue to do the horrible things. By allowing these people to live she stained her hands with the blood of our innocent sisters. By following her words, you go against the very ideals you live for. You want to protect her precious people, the ones she died to save, but by allowing them to live...you're allowing them to kill. She said that killing was wrong. Do you see, Vash? Do you see why I say that you don't make any sense? To save something, sometimes...sometimes _you must kill it_."

Vash clenched his teeth and forced a calm upon himself. When he spoke, it was a soft whisper. "You're afraid of them, Knives, afraid that they won't accept us. That's why you kill them. You're lying to yourself. You're just like them in so many ways."

The words seemed to echo between them in the momentary silence that ensued. Not even the hum of the machinery dared to break it. _Just like them..._

Knives went completely, frighteningly still. His rage was like a white buzz in the air. It was palpable.

"Brother..." he whispered, ice blue eyes burning. "I told you once..." He let his arms hang at his sides, and closed his eyes. A transformation began on both arms, much more advanced and yet more controlled than Vash had ever seen. Vash was shocked when the transformation completed. Two huge wings spread out behind Knives, unfurling slowly. They looked soft in the wispy yellow sunlight, but they were made up of paper-thin blades. Each feather had razor edges that glinted gold in the light. Knives stretched his hands out beside him, and two long blades slid into his hands.

Once the transformation had completed, Knives looked up again and finished speaking. "Never, _ever_ compare me...to those parasites."

Just as they had when Knives was about to kill Millie, Vash's instincts took over, and he found himself retaliating. Warmth surged through him, surprising and overbearing. It was so strong.

When the pain faded, a single wing spread from behind his right shoulder. His prosthetic left arm remained the same. He stood in front of his brother, gasping in deep breaths. The warmth surged with his heartbeat, sending electric heat through his veins. Each time it faded, he felt dizzy, as if every reserve of energy had been sapped, only to be filled again and taken away. Both hands clasped his knees to keep him upright. Weakness rolled through him.

Knives smirked. "Brother, you look like a broken angel." He smirked. "No...look at what those parasites have done to your body. You look like a misguided demon God had mercy on."

"I thought the only higher power you believed in was _yourself._" Vash retorted. He shakily stood straight.

Knives seemed to have no problem maintaining his powers. "Yes, and I had mercy on you, as mistaken and broken as you may be."

Vash clenched his teeth and grabbed the bench he'd sat on to stay up. "Might I remind you that it wasn't the humans you despise who made me so obviously broken. It was you." He looked his brother straight in the eye. Knives had sent the Gung-Ho Guns. Knives had taken Vash's arm.

Yet he ignored Vash's words. He let both arms return to normal, and Vash felt the warmth ebbing away from himself as well. The power that had warmed him faded rapidly, leaving his body cold and weak. Vash's sight faded. The soft, golden light from the window turned an inevitable grey-black.

He was sure he would slump to the ground, but Knives reached out, grabbing Vash's arm and sliding it around his shoulder. Knives sighed, shaking his head. "Come, brother. There's still much to be done. I have to show you something."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Yeah...kind of mangaish...kind of not. I am using the elements in the anime and manga and expanding on them just a bit. Obviously, their abilities are a bit more refined than in the manga, but...I hope that it's okay! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm desperately, insanely eager to hear your thoughts. I'm actually waiting with my tongue lolling out like a puppy dog. Okay. Kidding! But still, I'd love to hear if you think this is stupid or not. Is it okay how I portrayed the characters' abilities? I've started writing the next chapter already, so it should be up in a few days. Please review and tell me what you think._ (wrings fingers)


	14. Sometimes to Save

**Sometimes to Save...**

**Notes:** _Trigun, sadly, does not belong to lil' ol' me.__ Excuse me while I break down. As you may notice, this chapter will be largely in Knives' viewpoint as he contemplates Vash and thinks over how flawed his brother is in his mind. Oh, I'll love you forever if you review. Vash will love you too..._

* * *

A soft, intermittent indigo glow framed Knives' sharp features in cold light as the door hissed open, permitting his entrance. The living silence in the room was shattered by his clacking footsteps as he walked across the gray-tiled floor. No outside light penetrated this sanctuary. Along the walls, rows of monitors blinked lazily, providing most of the illumination in the darkened room.

Knives closed his eyes for a moment and concentrated on turning the lights on. The gentle light that came through his eyelids told him he'd succeeded, and he nodded with a smile. He'd long ago found that he could communicate with the Plants here, even control them. Working the technology in this ship was often as simple as thinking it. He looked back to the open door and sighed as he looked at his brother. Vash still had much to learn. Knives cast his brother a cursory glance and waited with practiced tolerance. "Come on in, Vash. The door won't stay open forever."

"Yeah," Vash murmured, leaning against the wall outside. "Sorry, I'm still feeling really dizzy, though. I mean..." He laughed. "Unless the ceiling's _supposed_ to trade places with the floor every once in a while." He offered his brother a weak smile, but Knives, too deep in thought, did not respond to the joke. Vash sighed and stood up. Knives glanced sideways as Vash's feet stumbled over each other. Both of his brother's hands clasped the wall for support. Vash's pallor threw Knives off for a moment.

And he'd said he was fine.

_He was not fine. He'd not been fine for a long time. Not since that Saverem woman had twisted him. Why did Vash not realize how these humans had hurt him? Was a superior being raised and tainted by such slime still superior? Did that lowly affiliation take something away? _

_I don't understand you, Vash... Maybe I never did..._

Vash stumbled into the bright room and fell against the wall. The door whispered shut beside him. His skin was even paler that before, bordering on bloodless white, and his blue-streaked turquoise eyes wavered in the distant and roundabout way that preceded unconsciousness. Vash blinked hard and shook his head, as if to clear it. He continued to lean against the wall, taking in a couple shallow breaths before speaking. "Heh...Knives, this really sucks."

Knives nodded as he tapped at the keyboard of a computer, replying absently, "Yes, it does take a while to adjust to the surge of power, doesn't it? Even our sisters have breakers to check the energy flow. For us, it's something we must learn to control. You're doing surprisingly well, to be honest." Much better than Knives had done, both in terms of condition and in the extension of his abilities in such a short amount of time.

He remembered his first time experiencing the after-effects of using his abilities without the pistol to channel them. It had been a lot worse than this. He'd hardly been able to move for the weakness, and had become very well-aquainted with the floor of this little place. Of course, Vash had always been stubbornly defiant. It was just like him to keep moving. Knives smirked into the computer's soft display. Vash was _only_ able to use his abilities that way because of their link to his emotions. The stronger his emotions, the stronger the reaction. It was sheer luck. Vash did not appreciate or understand the power he wielded, and therefore could not wield it correctly.

Knives made sure that the security on the ship was tight. After all, Vash's resilience could be his downfall. Knives didn't want Vash leaving too soon. There was much to teach him, so much to do... And Vash was_ so_ stubborn. He had always been that way, devoted to his ideals to the point of blindness.

Knives' own words echoed in his mind, sending a shiver through him.

_To save something, sometimes...sometimes you must kill it._

Knives shook his head. No. It _wouldn't_ come to that. Sometimes to save something you needed only to cage it and...teach it.

One day they would share an Eden...

But Vash was so tainted by those spiders. The poor butterfly's wings had been plucked and he had been wandering among the arachnids as if he were one of them. In pain, in turmoil, plagued by mental anguish, and damaged irreparably by their attacks.

_I wonder if I'll ever be able to extract their venom from your mind..._

Knives recalled the memories he'd experienced when he'd tried to enter his brother's thoughts. Though it had been months ago, the memories were still clear and painful, and so vivid that they could have been his own. He remembered the complete hopelessness he'd felt through Vash. It echoed through his soul, leaving an empty feeling that Knives was unaccustomed to. It hurt him to think that it was the feeling he always saw in Vash's eyes.

Maybe killing something so tainted would not be a sin. Maybe it would be mercy. Maybe allowing something so beautiful to be tainted and torn by beings not worthy of its attention was the injustice. Since he would not change, allowing him to go would mean allowing his brother to keep feeling the pain he tried to deny.

The thoughts lingered for too long in his mind, and he was disgusted with himself. He forced them away. _I won't do that to you, dear brother. Not yet. There's still a chance. Still a chance that I can save you. I can still make you what you were back then, before they stole your mind from you._

He had thought about this a lot. He would save Vash...somehow.

The sharp sound of an alarm echoed from the console, and a camera's view of the outside popped up on the slim monitor in front of him. Knives frowned, banishing all thought from his mind as he stared into the sand-swept vision in front of him and spotted the cause of the alarm.

"We have intruders," he murmured. "Outside."

* * *

The main entrance of the ship opened slowly, and Knives immediately threw an arm in front of his face to shield from the battering of sand that swirled up through the bottom. Vash followed suit. He'd regained a lot of his strength, and found it no problem to stand anymore. His reflexes weren't quite back to what they were, but anything was better than what it had been like before.

Sand clattered across the tiles from the open door, making a wispy dune-colored blanket. The wind picked up, throwing dust from the ground and swirling it in a furious circle outside the ship. Knives' features were set into a cold frown. "What the hell are _people_ doing here?"

His eyes caught on a jeep whose tranquil green color reminded Vash of a Geo Plant. Two people curled up together inside of it, and he prayed that they were not the Insurance Girls while at the same time stifling hope that he could see them again.

He wasn't sure how to feel when the wind abated for a moment to reveal a slim woman and an older man huddling together in the front seat. _Not Meryl... _The woman stared at the SEEDs ship with frightened fascination as her long, brown hair batted over her eyes. The man, in the seat beside her, had his back turned to everything.

The woman's eyes rested on Knives, and a mixture of emotions played across her face. "Uh...hello?" She called, lifting her head from the man's tight embrace. "We need a place to stay. I'm afraid that we're very far from the nearest town, and we'll never make it in this storm. Please let us come in."

Her plea was met with silence.

Vash hurried from the ship's entrance, clasping barely parted fingers over his eyes so he could see. His hair swirled around him haphazardly, whipping at his face. _'Knives, we need to offer them shelter! This storm will only get worse.'_

Knives stepped closer to the car, and Vash continued to walk, as well. Finally near enough, he realized that the girl was much younger than the man, who looked to be in his thirties or forties, with gray speckling the sides of his crew-cut hair. This was a father and daughter. The father's large arms cradled the girl almost completely. His head was turned away from hers as he coughed in the dusty air.

Knives was unaffected. _'So they should not have started driving in the first place. I won't allow spiders to creep around and disgrace my home, brother. You should know that.' _

Turning his cold, blue attention to the little family, he said, "You'll find no shelter here, spiders."

_'Knives...they'll die.'_

_'Would it surprise you to know that I don't care?'_

The girl gripped her father tightly before letting him go. She straightened and moved back. The wind blew her loose clothes tightly against a slim and feminine form still gangly and at odds with itself. The girl's face was long and striking without quite being beautiful. Her lips were too thin and her eyes too large to be conventionally considered pretty. She couldn't have been older than sixteen, but the look in her big mahogany eyes spoke of many more years than she'd lived. Her sharp gaze was a challenge, and Knives met it head-on with his own."My father is sick!" the girl continued, voice stained with fear and anger. "He has an illness of his lungs, and he needs help. How can you turn us away? It's inhuman!"

_Inhuman..._ Knives stepped back as if he'd been hit. "How dare you compare me..."

In that moment, Vash felt his brother's emotion, felt Knives' energy growing. He was going to kill. Vash was several steps behind Knives, but he saw the small blade form effortlessly in his hand. Without thinking, Vash ran forward. He caught Knives by surprise, forcing him roughly to the ground, and held him there with his prosthetic arm. The blade fell from Knives'grip and scattered into dusty oblivion. Knives growled and grabbed at the hand holding him down, trying to loosen its hold on him.

_'Courtesy of you, Knives, nothing you do to this arm will hurt.'_

Vash looked up at the girl, whose eyes were wide, more questioning than afraid. "Get out of here!" he cried.

The girl hesitated. It was going to cost her. "But..."

Sensing the perfect moment when Vash was off-guard, Knives turned abruptly, pushing his brother away from him.

"Go!" Vash screamed. Beside him, Knives stood to his feet.

She finally looked away and slammed her foot down on the acceleration pedal. The car disappeared into the curtain of violently swirling sand, and both Vash and Knives stared after it, one in relief and the other in shock and disgust.

Knives spun on Vash. The look in his eyes said _traitor _just as loudly as if he had spoken it.

He rubbed a finger across his lips gingerly, and it came away tinted scarlet. "Look what you've done, Vash." He rubbed at the blood trail with his thumb until it had smeared across his skin.

"I won't let you hurt people, Knives."

Knives shook his head, disgusted. He stalked back into the ship and closed the door, glancing disdainfully at the coating of dust and sand on the floor. He stepped around it. Vash walked straight through it and quickened his step. "Knives..."

Knives slammed his hand onto a scanner and waited impatiently while it was analyzed. The door finally opened, and Knives walked in. Vash followed, but was surprised when Knives suddenly turned around to face him.

"Brother,_ why_? Why are you so stupid? Why do you let those vermin go and allow your own to be murdered? You betray us all, Vash. You betray yourself. If you want to save the spiders and allow them to continue their reign of destruction, then you will have to kill the butterflies. You'll have to allow the spiders to consume them. Is that what you want? Do you detest your power so much that you'd let those like you be killed?"

Vash stopped in his tracks, eyebrows furrowing over stormy eyes. "No...it's not like that! We can both live here! I know...I know scientists who are searching for alternate energy forms! They're learning to use the elements for power. The sun, Knives, and the wind. We have a lot of both, and one day these people will learn to use them! They're creatures of trial and error, Knives. They will change."

Knives stepped forward, only inches away from Vash. "Even if they do," he whispered, "it will be too late for _so many._ So do what you've always done, dear brother."

Knives stepped even closer. "Kill the butterfly. Kill _me, _Vash."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**_ Yay! This was actually going to be a lot longer, but I realized that if I did go as far as I meant to, this chapter would end up being six or seven thousand words, or at least four thousand. So I decided to divide it. Next chapter up soon! What do you guys think about Knives and his thoughts in the beginning? Because of some of his actions in the anime and manga, I've started thinking that he'll do _anything_ to save his brother from the humans, even if it means taking Vash's life. Hmm... (_is feeling evil_) Nah, kidding. Or maybe not... Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts!_


	15. Not Like This

Not Like This

"Life is like an incessant series of problems; all difficult, with brutal choices, and a time limit. The worst thing you can do is to make no choice, waiting for the ideal conclusion to present itself." **_— Chapel the Evergreen_ **

**Disclaimer/Notes:** _Well, not much to say here. I don't own Trigun and I never will. (tugging at straight jacket) Never, **never!** Anyway, yeah. So I hope you all like this chapter. Thanks to everyone for their absolutely unmatched reviews. You guys keep me on my toes. I love you all! Anyway, this is another chapter largely in Knives' viewpoint. Like the other one, it will not be entirely in his POV, but it will center around his decision._

* * *

Millie spread her lengthy body out on the bed. They hadn't been able to get first class lodgings on this trip, due to their limited expenses and the fact that Bernardelli hadn't gotten back to them yet, but second class was much better than sleeping in the narrow cupboards of a spare room. Besides, all the passengers beside them were asleep, like any sane person would be at this ungodly hour, so it was just like they were alone.

"Sempai?"

Meryl jumped at the soft inquiry. She'd been expecting a yell of, "Stick 'em up! We want your money!"

Sandsteamers were not her preferred mode of transportation. These things went much faster than thomases and vehicles, though, and traversed the lonely parts of the desert that no other dared to cross, so they didn't have another choice if they were serious about finding Vash. She belatedly replied, "Yes, Millie?"

"Do you think—you really think we'll be able to find Mr. Vash?"

Meryl sighed. They didn't have much of a lead so far. If they found him at all, it would be pure luck.

No. Meryl didn't believe in luck. That was a concept that weak people used to explain away their horrible circumstances. There was no such thing as luck...only determination and perseverance.

"We'll find him," Meryl said with forced certainty. She nodded her head so that the charcoal bangs fell over her eyes, and she leaned back onto the lumpy pillow.

Despite Meryl's assurances, both of the insurance girls felt an odd feeling of hopelessness, a feeling not their own.

"Get some sleep, Sempai," Millie said, yawning. She shook her bed free of stray pudding cups, and closed her eyes, mumbling incomprehensibly as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Knives stared into his brother's wavering gaze, forcing him to maintain eye contact. He was so easy to manipulate. Vash's body trembled, and each breath taken in was a shuddering gasp. Knives didn't like playing with Vash's mind like this, but his dear little brother had to realize that this was an issue he could not remain neutral on. Someone had to die.

If Vash continued to save the humans, he condemned his own kin by allowing the humans to consume them. Alternately, if he wanted to save the Plants from being used, the humans would have to die. The Plants were the only things that kept them safe from the elements on this godforsaken ball of dirt.

"Make your choice, Vash," Knives said. "The spiders or the butterflies? You remember? You have to choose, or nature will make its own choice. It's simple logic, and I am honestly _shocked _that you have not even realized the obvious after a hundred years."

Vash shook his head, backing away. Fear and uncertainty showed in his eyes and the way they darted everywhere. The dull grey door blocked his escape, slamming shut behind him at Knives' telepathic order to the Plants.

Vash whispered, "I won't. I can't kill you."

"Why can't you? Why do you still listen to that stupid woman's ramblings? You remember Joey? Sometimes small sacrifices have to be made. If you're not willing to kill the spiders with me, then there's no other choice, is there? You have to kill me."

"No!"

"Then what, Vash? What will you do? You want to save both, but it's _not possible._ You've forsaken your sisters and your very own brother to keep that parasitic race alive, but more often than not...you only cause them pain."

Vash tried to turn away, but Knives made him keep looking. An indescribable agony lit Vash's eyes. It made Knives' stomach turn. Despite the way he acted toward Vash, he didn't enjoy seeing his brother in pain. _It didn't matter, though. As long as he learned. _

But what if he didn't learn?

"Why, Vash? Why do you do it? Can you even tell me?"

When Vash finally spoke his voice was small, but it held a hard tone. "Rem...she gave her life to save us...and to save them. I don't want her sacrifice to be wasted."

Knives' lips curled. "It depends on how you define 'wasted', brother. These people live without law and kill without shame. There is no government, and no one strong enough to stop them from doing horrible things. Their mere existence shames her sacrifice. They should have died before they hit this sandy planet. At least they would have gone out in the innocence of sleep. Their life on this planet is just a painful and prolonged waste, because one day, not even the Plants they rely on will be able to save them from the suns and the winds, and they'll die without having accomplished a thing. That, dear brother, is what Rem did for them. Her sacrifice does not seem so large when you look at it that way, does it?"

"Knives... Rem...what she did—"

"—Was naïve. It was suicide through another means, is all. She escaped the agony she's put these people through, and the agony that her ideals have caused you."

Vash's expression changed from caged fear to anger in a moment. He fought against Knives' hold. "You make it sound like I'm a brainwashed puppet, Knives. I realized a while ago...I'm not following a memory anymore. I made a choice to do what I do. I won't stop and I won't kill with you because I know that one day it will be possible for the people here to live on their own. One day...things will change."

Knives shook his head. "And you think that _you_ can bring about that change? You're fooling yourself, brother!"

"I _don't_ think I can, Knives. Not me, and not alone. I'll keep doing what I believe to be the right thing. I know a lot of people who are motivated to do the same. It might not make any sense at all to you, but it's what I believe. One day... maybe I won't even be alive then, and maybe, by then, I'll no longer care—but one day things will change, because if there's anything I've learned from knowing the people of this planet...it's that they're resilient, and they hope even when hope seems futile."

Knives stared into Vash's eyes and finally released his brother. He stepped back. They stood only inches apart, but an endless barrier spanned the space between them. It had almost always been there. Knives had just refused to acknowledge it. Now it was right in front of him, impassable, impenetrable. A cold realization settled inside him.

That barrier would never be broken. Like the suns and moons in the sky, they would always be on opposite sides, so firm were they in their beliefs. Though the suns rose in the morning and took the same path as the moons across the sky, they would never meet.

His and Vash's opinions would never alter. His brother would continue to live the same destructive life that had carved so many scars into his body.

"I'm sorry you think that way." _And I'm sorry I thought I could save you. I'm sorry that I can't think of any other way to show you the pain and futility of your endeavors... _"You'll never listen, will you?"

Vash looked up, his eyes flashing with a recognition much deeper than the words that had just been spoken. More than understanding what his brother meant, he understood the finality of Knives' inquiry. Vash's eyes had always been like that. Even when they were children, every emotion poured from those orbs that Rem said were blue like a shallow, shaded ocean, a magnificent aqua-green that reflected everything...just like the water, she said.

Knives had never seen an ocean.

"I listen to everything you say, Knives. I just...I don't believe it's right. I'll listen...but I won't change. I won't become what you want me to be. I think you know that."

Knives felt emotions churning inside of him. Questions flashed through his mind, but the answers were nowhere to be found. Maybe he saw no answers because he was only looking for the ones he wanted. Maybe...if he looked deeper, he'd realize that there was only one answer.

_I'll save you from yourself,_ Knives repeated to himself, remembering his resolve when he'd stayed by his sick brother's side.

..._No matter what it takes._

* * *

Vash watched. More than seeing it, he felt the certainty that coursed through Knives, the cold moment in which he made a decision he would not be able to go back on. 

You'll never listen...

And he gave up hope in that moment. Vash felt it like ice in his soul, like a cold shudder. Just like a thousand people Vash had met, Knives had backed down. He'd given up. Knives didn't realize it, and would never acknowledge it, but he was so much like the humans he hated.

"What now?"Vash asked quietly.

"I won't let you continue to harm yourself and fraternize with those humans, Vash."

"Knives..."

"I gave you one chance, when we fought. I gave you another after that. It's taken me a long time to realize the truth, but I finally understand."

Vash looked around the room they were in, seeing his surroundings for the first time. The walls around him were dull grey, the lights dim and faded, nearly the same color as the walls. Countertops were stacked with papers and technology long lost to the general population of Gunsmoke. Lights flashed and chemicals rested tranquilly in jars, awaiting use. In the corner, there was something that looked like a cold sleep chamber.

"No...Knives?"

"I don't want to kill you, Vash. Brothers don't do that. But I can't—I won't let you go again. I can't change you, but maybe...maybe one day I'll find a way to start over."

Vash backed up, not daring to turn away from his advancing brother. The fingers of his prosthetic left hand scrambled for the keypad to open the door, but nothing happened.

"There is no way out."

"I won't let you do this, Knives!" Maybe there was a time when he just wanted to sleep, wanted to forget, but now...he couldn't. He couldn't leave the girls behind. _Meryl..._

"You'll do it or you'll die, brother."

Vash shook his head.

Knives spread his arms beside him. Vash felt the power inside of Knives, and scythe-like blades grew from his brother's arms. The bladed wings unfurled, spanning several feet in either direction, their color a whitish-silver. "Then you'll have to fight. I'll have no mercy, Vash. I won't hold back anymore."

Knives held his hands up in front of him, and independent daggers slid through his fingers. Vash did nothing.

"Damn you!" Knives released a fusillade of daggers at the door. Their makeup and the force with which they were flung made them stick into the metal of the door. Vash rolled and dove behind a counter."Fight or I'll _kill _you, Vash!"

In the silence, Knives listened for any reply. He heard nothing but labored breathing. Vash's black-clad hand gripped the counter, scattering glass jars as he stood.

"God, Vash!" Knives growled.

Despite the deep scarlet of Vash's coat, his blood was even darker. His shaking right hand pulled at one of Knives' blades, which had embedded itself into his side, far past the hilt. He pulled the knife out, and dark red blood dripped down the coat and spattered to the floor in huge droplets. Its soft splash was audible in the silence. He flung the knife to the side. Knives felt Vash's pain, but even stronger than that was his sorrow.

"It's not supposed to be like this," Vash whispered.

He activated his arm.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** _Sorry for the cliffhanger, and for the fact that it took longer than usual to put this chapter up. I really had a tough time with this one, but I do believe that, after realizing thatVash would never change, Knives would rather have Vash dead or in cold sleep than alive and living with the humans he sees as parasites. Even though he drove his brother to kill, the ultimate sin in Vash's eyes, Vash got past that and promised to keep doing what he thought was right. I try to get in the characters' heads and let them go where they need to go, so... what do you think of the direction of the story? **Reviews will soothe my tormented soul!**_


	16. Shattered Promises

**Shattered Promises**

**Disclaimer/Notes: **_I don't own Trigun, or any of the totally awesome characters therein, but... Hmm... (plots evilly) I'll get back to you all on that. Anyway, this story's outline is sort of expanding as I take new things into account, and I think I'm going to make what was going to be one chapter into two for reasons of length. This may end up being longer than I thought! My deepest, heartfelt appreciation to all my reviewers, Sugar Pill, SiNicaLLY diSTuRbEd_, _Igbogal, Redcliff, Syody, Chibimonkey 13, Alythia, Sunoko, Camerine, ssjjvash and Pyromoogle. Thank you to everyone who's kept reading this! Your reviews have kept me going even when I wasn't sure I should. And now, without further ado_...

_

* * *

_

Pain ripped through him with each movement, and blood dripped from the wound with the exertion of using his abilities. Vash stood shakily with his feet each a few feels apart, skin specked with sweat. His single wing curled over the front of his shuddering body almost instinctively as Knives released another fusillade of blades. The soft feathers cradled him, keeping him upright. They were stronger than they felt, or maybe it was something else, but they blocked Knives' attacks.

"Knives," Vash said, but his voice was not loud enough to be heard.

_'We don't have to do this,' _he continued.

_'I do, Vash. Don't make me kill you; stop this now. You have two choices. You _don't have _to die.'_

Vash bit his lip and tried to stay upright. His world swung madly in and out of focus. He had long since stopped feeling the warmth of the blood as it slowly etched a trail to its resting place on the floor. He couldn't let Knives win. He wouldn't be put in one of those chambers.

_Now..._Vash fought off impending blackness._ Now was not the time to be weak. _

_Rem, what should I do?_

But her voice was gone, and her wisdom echoed mockingly in his mind.

Take care of Knives.

No one has the right to take the life of another.

But what if he had to ignore one to make sure that the other was fulfilled? She'd told him to take care of Knives, but he could no longer do that. She said that lives were sacred. If he allowed Knives to capture him and put him in a cold sleep chamber, then Knives would no longer have anything to keep him from creating the Eden he'd always dreamed of. By allowing himself to be taken, he'd seal the human race's fate. He couldn't do that.

A jarring shock pulsed through him as the wing cradled Vash's injured body from yet another attack, one much stronger than the last. A phantom pain and weakness rolled through him, but it was gone before his mind had time to register its existence. Vash looked down to the flawless white of the feathers, only to see it tarnished by bright red smears of his blood. Like scarlet dewdrops, it rolled down off of the feathers and dotted the dull floor.

For a single moment, he allowed his eyes to close. Images filled the tingling, black void. Wolfwood, Millie, Meryl...memories of the beautiful expanse of sky and trees and flowers in the SEEDs ship Rec Room. He wondered if it was really possible to make this dusty desert into such a breathtaking paradise. Vash opened his eyes. He'd never know if he didn't live to try. And he would try. He'd try for Rem and for Mary, for Joey...and even Steve. He'd try for Wolfwood, and for all the people who could not be here now.

"Rem...I'm sorry. I...can't let him do this. I have to make my own choice now."

The wing curled away from his body and spread out behind him. Vash stumbled when its support had left him, but he kept standing. "If that's what it takes, I'll fight you again, Knives." _I won't...I can't kill you. I might be able to stop you, though._

Knives shook his head, and a tinge of concern crossed his face as his eyes swept over the stained coat and the blood streaked across white feathers. His view met the floor and narrowed, moving over the generous spattering of scarlet. "I have more control over my abilities, and more experience with the things I can do and the lines I cannot cross. If you fight me, you're going to die, brother."

Vash smiled, but it was twisted with pain, sharp against his pale features. "I don't plan on dying."

"Neither do I," Knives said.

* * *

"A little town called Jastin," Meryl said, examining the map as if Vash's location was slashed somewhere on it.

"Hmm?" Millie turned around in her seat and looked at her friend, whose short upper body was completely enveloped in the map. Only a few black cowlicks were visible over the paper.

Meryl dropped it to her lap and pointed to a small slash that marked their destination. "Jastin. It's where we'll stop. It shouldn't be too much longer now."

Millie looked at where Meryl's finger stabbed, and then glanced up at the unusually disheveled woman beside her. Meryl, Millie had learned,was a woman guided by rules and traditions.

She always woke up with the twin suns and took a shower before brushing her hair and getting dressed. However, Meryl had ignored all but the former this morning. She'd taken a quick shower, but the Derringer-laden cape was no longer on her shoulders. The black bow around the neck of her plain white shirt had long since come untied, and was now wrapped around her shoulders in a sort of accidental scarf. Where her black hair was usually combed in a careful swirl around her head, the thin strands now framed her face in a more feminine slope. Her smoky violet eyes were bright but rimmed with dark circles from lack of sleep.

Millie wasn't sure if her sudden change was a result of finally loosening up, or the forgetfulness caused by lack of sleep. Probably the latter. Millie watched as Meryl nervously tapped her fingers on the map.

"Are you worried about him, Sempai?"

Meryl looked up, a blush creeping across her features. "Why should I be?" she asked defensively. "He always does fine! He..." Her voice trailed off, the defensive tone suddenly gone. Maybe it was because she hadn't slept much in so long, but she continued silently. She leaned her tired eyes against stiff palms and rubbed at her face in slow circles. Her words were muffled by her hands. "Why do I feel like something is horribly wrong, then, Millie?"

Millie reached forward impulsively and wrapped her arms around her friend. "He's always okay, Sempai. He's even more determined than you are sometimes! He'll be fine."

Meryl nodded as Millie withdrew. "I'm sorry to drag you into this. I...I guess it's nice, though. This isn't just following him, Millie. I've made my choice now. You know...if you don't want to, you can stay behind. The 'Steamer ends up in December, I think."

Millie smiled. _Go, and miss seeing you and Mr. Vash? _"I want to stay and look with you, Meryl. Don't you worry about anything! Mr. Vash will be okay."

Meryl's tense posture loosened and she offered a smile to her friend.. "Thanks."

But Millie felt the same thing, like an ice cold feeling growing inside of her. Something wasn't right.

Meryl leaned forward onto the map and chewed absently at a fingernail, humming softly to herself. Her thoughts were now concentrated completely on the yellowed sheet of paper. Millie smiled softly and excused herself to the restrooms outside of the sleeping cabins. She closed herself in the stall and sat in the darkness, not bothering to turn the light on. She took the cross cuff link from her wrist and looked at it. Worry tugged at her half-hearted smile. She didn't want to be this way in front of Meryl, because her friend was already worried enough.

She was just...so scared. Since Mr. Priest was gone, Millie had hoped that one day she'd be able to see Meryl finally admit her feelings to Vash. Everyone but the two of them, silly as they were, could see the truth. She'd just...she'd hoped that maybe Meryl could be happy.

It hurt so much to think that Meryl might not even get the chance. Millie bowed her head in the darkness and prayed. She would be strong for Sempai.

A sudden jerk sent Millie tumbling to the floor, and the captain's voice echoed from voice tubes all over the ship, permeating her fuzzy consciousness and making her painfully aware if the whistling winds beating against the Sandsteamer's hull. "We're sorry for the momentary turbulence. Due to the violence of the sandstorm we're facing, we are going to take a safer detour to our destination. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause."

Millie stood to her feet and pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead where it had hit against the door. It felt like it would leave a bruise, but nothing worse. She set her face in a smile and walked back to the room.

* * *

Though the storm had nearly passed the SEEDs ship, it wasn't willing to leave without wreaking some damage. The winds lashed at the hull with hostile intent, but their intensity paled compared to the tension inside of the ship.

_Come on, Knives... Come on. _Vash leaned against the counter nearest to the cold sleep chamber, hoping that his brother would hesitate before risking its destruction. With trembling hands, he quickly lifted the soaked red cloth away from his wound. This wouldn't do. Any longer and he would not be able to fight. Vash borrowed a strip from his tattered coat and folded it against his side. If he was going to make it through this, he needed an opening. If Knives would open up for just a moment, or if Vash could catch him off guard, he could pin him.

With what weapon, though? Vash didn't know how to use his abilities like Knives did. He wasn't sure he wanted to. What if he did something that he couldn't stop?

July.

Augusta.

He could not use these abilities that he did not understand...

Checkmate.

_'This power isn't a gift, Knives. It's a curse!'_

_'And that, dear brother, is why you'll never use it properly.'_

Vash almost laughed. Properly?

Whatever weapon Vash used, he knew he didn't have too much time. Sighing and leaning against the back of the counter, he listened to Knives' approaching footsteps and the soft scrape of the blades as both sounds joined the desolate cry of the wind. The silence was broken by the whistle of an approaching attack as three huge blades nearly split the table. Vash spun around immediately, his uncertain balance cradled and his body protected by the mass of feathers that spread over him. Knives had not bothered to release these blades, and they withdrew into him again as he navigated his way around the fallen glass and tables.

Vash looked around for some place to run, but there was nowhere he could get to in time. His vision lurched, fading to a hazy blackness, and he only stumbled when he tried to move. If only he had his gun. Or any gun. If only...

"I'm sorry, Vash." Knives curled his arm back and looked at the crescent-shaped Angel Blades. Even through his faded vision, Vash saw the blades lengthen. Knives drew his fist in and closed his eyes, readying himself. Before Vash could think or even react, Knives swung his arm wide, releasing the blades. Vash couldn't tell how many there were. Six, seven? More?

They were big enough that Vash's single wing would not be able to stop them. This attack would kill him.

Remembered promises echoed through his mind and a thousand memories filled the split second in which he was able to think, stretching time out to eternity.

* * *

_The grass was the most vivid and beautiful emerald the brothers had ever seen. The trees wafted a soft breeze over them, and flowers peeked from the brilliant sheet of green beneath them. Both boys watched as the long fingers of the tree reached down, tickling their upturned faces. The first boy laughed and looked back down, across the breathing expanse of color. Far away, a woman watched them. She smiled and waved when the boy caught her eye. He smiled back. _

_Both brothers leaned back onto the trunk. Swirling shadows crossed over their faces._

_This was their first time in what Rem called the Rec Room._

_The other boy's voice rose above the breeze. Face still turned toward the sky, he murmured matter-of-factly, "Rem says it's called a Weeping Willow."_

_"Why does it weep, Knives?" the other boy asked._

_The twin with the cool blue eyes looked around at all the other trees. There were big ones with small leaves and little ones with fat leaves, and some baby ones that had just begun to grow. He saw no more Weeping Willows. "Maybe it's because it's alone, because it's the only one of its kind," he observed._

_The other twin sighed. "That's so horrible. I hope I'm not alone. Do you think I will be, one day?"_

_The second brother looked over at Vash. He gently reached up and caressed the outstretched fingers of green. "No. Even if everyone else goes away, I won't leave. Brothers stay together. Brothers help each other. I won't leave you, Vash."_

_"You promise?" The turquoise-eyed twin asked, smiling._

_"I promise, Vash. I promise."_

_Two hands joined together and two twin smiles floated with soft laughter upon the breeze. Eden had never been so close than in that moment._

* * *

Millie and Meryl screamed as the lights in the 'Steamer flickered out. The great behemoth shuddered as the speed seemed to spike upward and then drop drastically. Both girls were thrown from their seats onto the floor. When the lights came back on, they were vague yellow, and shaded through cages. Emergency lights. Millie and Meryl stayed on the floor, both holding tightly to the nearest stationary objects. Passengers who had been thrown from their beds cried out in fear, and voices in the halls screamed frantic questions.

Millie and Meryl stood to their feet even though the 'Steamer continued to rock. They made it to the door and opened it. Engineers raced past, stopping only for a moment to calm the people all around them. "There's been a large electrical disturbance. We're having...problems maintaining the Plants."

But the fear in his voice made it clear to Meryl that this was more than just a routine problem.

In a few moments, the Sandsteamer stopped completely, grating to a slow and jerking halt. Millie and Meryl raced to the observation deck and stared in shock at a rising cloud of sand about ten iles to their left. One of the engineers was standing there, too, staring out. He was young, probably in his early twenties. He had a look of numb awe on his face.

"What happened?" Meryl asked. Though the wind from the storm had begun to abate, it was still strong enough to make her hunch for fear of being thrown across the deck. She grabbed the railing and turned squinted eyes to the young man beside her. "Another man said there was a problem with the Plants. Do you know...what caused it?"

The engineer shook his head. "We don't know. There was some kind of explosion over there, and then...some kind of energy surge, I suppose. The Plants are all going haywire in there. It's...amazing. And frightening."

Millie looked over to Meryl, and both of their gazes wandered to the rising cloud of dust.

Millie whispered, "You think it could be...?"

Meryl nodded. "Who else can make such a ruckus?" She turned her attention to the engineer. "I don't suppose you could tell us how far it is to Jastin."

The boy looked up and pointed his finger along the horizon to the right, away from the blast. "I think it's about ten iles that way."

Meryl nodded and thanked the man. She ran back into the 'Steamer and grabbed her little suitcase.

"Where are we going, Sempai?"

"We're going to go to Jastin. We can probably ask someone in the caravan to give us a ride, but I can't think of anyone stupid enough to drive us right to where the explosion was. We need some kind of transportation of our own. We need to be prepared. There's no time to waste, though. Let's go."

* * *

In one moment, Vash was sure that he was going to die. He couldn't move, and there was no way to deflect the blades. In the next, he didn't know what had happened. He didn't know what he'd done, or how. The only thing he was aware of was that he had survived. He was alive.

_How?_

He was on the floor. It was...cold. Or was that just him? Vash let his eyes focus, and he scanned the room. He was shocked by what he saw. The ship's hull had been split open, its insides bared to the elements through large, jagged holes peppered across the walls and ceiling of the room. Some dragged the whole length of the wall while other holes were smaller, cleaner.

_What had happened? Had he done this?_

"Knives!"

_Where was Knives?_

Vash grabbed at the slick wall to lift himself up, but he just slid back down as his own blood met the slippery metal. His voice was not a cry, but more of a whisper. "Knives!" he said again, louder. _'Why am I alive? What have I done?'_

Silence.

_'You've seen only the beginning of your potential, brother. But it's...amazing.'_

A pile of rubble and scattered equipment off to his left shifted, and Knives stood up out of it. He was dirty and his body was specked with cuts, but he was fine...

_Thank God... _Vash sighed before he could rationalize that thought.

Calmer now, Vash didn't see a reason to stand, so he stopped trying.

"You see what you've done? You used only the bare minimum of your abilities here, but in a way I've not yet achieved. That was pure _energy_, Vash, with which you deflected that attack. I was almost sure that you wouldn't be able to handle something like that so soon. Using too much unchecked energy can be dangerous, you know. You need to watch yourself. It was a selfish dream, I suppose, but I was hoping that I'd be able to see you skim the surface of your huge potential one day. I'm honored to be the one to have brought it out of you." Knives' lips curved into a smile. Vash looked at his face and tried to determine the emotions he saw there. Was that pride? Something else?

It didn't matter...

The shrill screaming of an alarm transmitted shakily across the room, and the lights shifted colors until they were a deep scarlet. The sirens blared mockingly, but their sound was all but lost in the deafening scrape of metal on metal as a section of the ceiling fell over by the sleep chamber.

A mechanized female voice was issuing a warning, but Vash couldn't make out the words.

When the dust had settled and the sound of metal was not so all-encompassing, Vash could hear the insistent alert.

_"Instability warning. Evacuate room 2-D now. Instability warning..."_

Knives' eyes went wide, and he ran on top of the pile he'd been standing next to. In the bloody scarlet glow, he stared at the ceiling, where jagged bits of obscured grey light from outside penetrated the red lights' illumination. The hole seemed to widen with each moment and with each metal groan. Knives glanced back at Vash. _'It's going to fall, brother!'_

The ceiling above them was unstable, about to collapse. Knives looked to Vash and then to the door, and Vash held his gaze for a moment. Knives was so close to a possible exit. Why didn't he leave? "Go, Knives!"

Then he remembered. But was it his own memory he was seeing, or his brother's? _...I won't leave. Brothers stay together. Brothers help each other. I won't leave you, Vash._

It was so sad that a promise made with such truth could be so rudely refuted. His hazy mind wandered. Had it been his fault, or Knives'? Could he have helped his brother if he hadn't distanced himself from him so much?

"Knives, get out of here!" Vash screamed impatiently. "You want to drag me out there just to fight me again? Go!"

"You idiot!" Knives cast a burning glance at Vash and then ran. He disappeared into the grey haze outside just as the section above him crashed down in front of that exit. Vash smiled softly in the draining glow of the lights. He stood slowly and navigated his way along the wall. Dust and sand permeated the light in the nearest hole, but the light was slowly being swallowed up.

There was not much time now. This room was like a precarious stack of cards. One feather touch and it would fall. Pieces of the gutted ceiling fell around him, revealing larger and larger chunks of glaring sky. _Just a few more moments before everything in this room collapsed..._

He needed to get out.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** (_Evil laugh) Sorry about that cliffhanger...again. Sorry about taking so long to update! I really had a lot to think about while writing this chapter, and I was kept off of the computer because my grandma came over. She was here for several days, and needless to say I wasn't able to get on much. We've also been kept off of the computer by some thunderstorms. Anyway, thanks for being patient! **Please, pretty please review! I'll kiss your feet and give you chocolate and love you forever! **Remember...if you find anything wrong, don't hesitate to call me on it._


	17. Of Men and of Angels

**Of Men and Of Angels**

**Disclaimer/Notes: **_First of all, I do not own Trigun or its characters. Second of all...**please** forgive me for taking so long! My birthday was on the twenty-sixth of June. (Sixteen...time to get my intermediate drivers' license! Stay off the road, folks.) Two of my friends also celebrated birthdays soon before that. I've been gone a lot doing many things, and the plot is simply not listening to me! I swear my story has it out for me. After some of the turns the story took, I realized my previous outline was unacceptable. I erased all of it and rewrote. Thanks for your patience, and again, I'm really sorry for taking so long!_

* * *

Everything felt so numb.

In a way, it was so much worse than agony, because at least when in pain, you knew that you were alive. Numbness meant emptiness, and emptiness was the beginning of death. _Emptiness..._ it was the worst feeling, worse than pain or anger or the sorrow that filled him. He felt nothing, now, even though his fingers touched wet blood at his side and his lungs labored in the obscured air.

Vash's body revolted and he coughed violently, falling to both knees in the rubble. Pieces of the ceiling crashed down around him, but the sounds were distant, the shuddering of the ground just echoing reverberations, as if he was only observing this chaos rather than taking a part in it. An unfamiliar warmth spilled over his lips and made dark indents in the dust below him. Wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, he drew it away to see a wet smear that looked black in the light. _Blood,_ his mind registered belatedly. Vash drew in a heavy breath and weakly dropped his hand to his side.

_Get up._

Vash balanced on one leg and supported himself with both hands as he stood again. Holding himself up by a protruding piece of rubble, he tried to focus on the exit, but could hardly see it through the dust. W_as it really that far away? _Darkness fell on the world around him. Vash briefly wondered why, but as his feet slipped from beneath him, he realized. He was passing out.

"Vash!" Knives stood in the shadow of the exit ahead. "Vash? Are you still in there?"

Vash drew a deep breath and stifled the urge to cough. "Knives...go."

His brother did not respond. With all the noise, Vash's voice did not carry more than a few feet. He knew it was not a good idea to use his abilities after such a large use of them so soon before, but he couldn't let his brother stay here for too long. It was dangerous. _'Knives, get out of here! What are you doing? This place is going to collapse!'_

_'And you think I'm going to let you die in such a trivial way?' _Knives' dry amusement echoed like razors in Vash's mind.

Several huge blades shot out from Knives' outstretched hand. Vash almost expected them to be aimed at him, but they only went over him, blocking a falling sheet of metal. It crashed off of the blades and fell down next to Vash.

_'Now come. It's you who must hurry.'_

Vash shook his head. He was too slow; Knives should just leave.

"Run or we'll _both _die, Vash!" Knives impatiently demanded.

Vash used both arms to lift himself upright. His left arm was slow. Though the prosthetic was attached to the nerves in his shoulder, the weaker he was, the weaker his abilities to control it were. Vash was surprised that the thing still worked at all. Each movement was delayed, half-hearted. Such was the curse of the fake.

The light in the room suddenly burst to blinding intensity as the ceiling of the structure seemed to slide away, letting out a deafening metallic shriek.

"Vash!"

He ran forward, not daring to contemplate the shaky steps he took. If he thought or hesitated for a single moment, he'd be dead. The ceiling fell at the very moment he scrambled out of the diminishing exit, and Vash's legs gave out in weakness. He fell to the side, but Knives' arms grabbed him as he slumped. "Idiot..." was the murmured rebuke. A forceful cloud of dust blew over the two brothers, and Vash's hazy eyes watched the walls tumble in on themselves, cracked and broken, useless without support.

Even through the dust, he felt the shock caused by the sudden collapse. He saw shrapnel flying through the air toward both of them. Smaller pieces crashed into the sand, digging deep ruts with their momentum. He wasn't sure whether to feel fear or not, or if it really mattered. Everything was so confused.

Then he saw nothing but white as Knives stepped over him, arms and bladed wings spread out to shield them both from the shrapnel. It looked ethereal, and Vash wondered for a moment how something so beautiful could be so wrong.

The last pieces rested in the sand only moments later, and Knives let his wings move behind him again.

Vash stared up, willing his faded vision to clear. "Why?" he finally asked, confused. "Why would you...?"

Knives scowled in reply as his subzero eyes raked critically over Vash's tattered, bloody coat and the sand and filth that stained it. "You look pitiful," he concluded.

Vash coughed again, sitting up halfway and leaning forward as if to hide his face from his brother. Even though he cupped his hand over his mouth, little rivulets of bright blood still found their way through his fingers and trailed down the back of his hand. Staring at the streaks of red, he offered Knives an embarrassed smile.

He didn't know why it was so funny to him, but the most indiscernible look grew on Knives' face. Vash would have said it was disgust, but it was much too soft. The arched eyebrows suggested confusion, but this look was much too raw. Concern?

Maybe it was all three, and maybe that's why it seemed so funny. Vash had never seen the look on his brother's face before, to his memory. He pulled his hand away and glanced curiously at the warm blood that etched into the lines of his palm. Why did he not hurt? He restrained the urge to cough again. It was an annoying feeling, like a tickle in his throat, an ache deep in his chest. If only that would go away, he would be fine.

Everything seemed so warm, so flawless. Though the clouds had passed to reveal both suns at their brightest, their light seemed pale and gentle, as if it had been sifted in soft clouds, even though the sky was clear.

"It's nice out here, don't you think?"

Knives looked down and observed softly, "You're shaking, Vash."

_Was he?_ He shrugged, blinking lazily as he tried to maintain consciousness. All he felt like doing was sleeping. "It's...not actually too bad out here."

Knives' eyes softened and he looked down at his brother. His mouth opened as if to speak, but then he closed it, and the cold look fell over his features again.

Vash sighed.

_So much had changed since back then..._

* * *

_"Huh? What's that, Rem? Why doesn't it have pictures?" The boy held the heavy book, fingers flipping through the thin pages as wide eyes intensely scanned long paragraphs and generous notes jotted into the small margins._

_The woman stared down, dark eyes brimming with happiness as a laugh bubbled up through her lips. "It's called a Bible, silly." She gently touched the nose of the pale blond little boy, who looked as if he could not be more than six years old. Beside the questioning boy, a more silent twin sat, the huge smile on his face a copy of Rem's own as he stared, rapt, at her expression. The other boy sat up, longish platinum blond hair falling over arctic eyes. "So? And why is it so big?"_

_Rem smiled again. "Because there is much to say, Knives. This book is very special to very many people on Earth. They believe very strongly in the words inside."_

_"Do you, Rem?" the second twin asked eagerly._

_Rem patted the boy's head. "Oh, Vash. I...suppose. I'm not sure, sometimes. It's awful hard to out here." Shaking herself out of a reverie, she laughed again. "But it's a very beautiful book, either way. I think you boys should see it."_

_"Well..." With distaste, the other twin opened to a random page. "What _does_ it say, though?"_

_Gently taking the large book from the young child's hands, Rem opened to a part marked with a faded maroon strip of cloth. "It talks about a lot of things, Knives. There's a whole entire chapter that talks about love! It talks about what love is, and the purity of motivations. Do you want to see?"_

_"Love?" Knives asked._

_The younger twin smiled, eagerness lighting his aqua eyes. "Yes, Rem, show us!"_

_She scanned with her fingers and read from the beginning, occasionally stopping to explain what an outdated word meant. "...And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing..."_

_Knives stopped her after several more verses, curiosity and annoyance oozing from his voice. "What's with all the 'eth' stuff?"_

_Rem laughed. "It's just a funny way that people used to talk a long time ago. It's hard to understand, and there are many different versions of this book, but I like this version. The words are so poetic...so beautiful."_

_"Oh, okay."_

_Rem continued to read. Knives sat beside his twin, who stared on with wide eyes, taking in every word. "Charity suffereth long, and is kind," she said, words soft and musical.Time passed in the dark room where only the light of the stars and the sound of her voice infiltrated. "...Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."_

_"Tongues?" Knives grinned, sticking his tongue through his small teeth._

_"Tongues means languages," Rem explained. She finished up the last few verses, then looked at the boys. "So, what did you think, Vash? ...Knives?"_

_"I think it was beautiful," Vash said._

_Knives' brows furrowed. "I don't know why a person would be like that. I don't know why people would suffer to be kind. It seems sort of silly."_

_"But it's not, Knives. If some people are not like that, then who would be?"_

_Knives became silent. He walked to the front of the room, where an uninhibited view of space shone through a thick window. Pressing both small hands against the glass, he sighed, letting his breath fog up against it._

_Rem and Vash got up, and both called to him. Knives grinned and followed, letting the unanswered questions and confusion sink to the back of his mind._

_Several months later, he sat in a chair, platinum locks falling around him as he sliced them off. His nearly flawless memory recalled a verse from the chapter Rem had read him. So fitting. He spoke it aloud as the last locks fell to the floor._

_"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."_

* * *

"Vash, what have you done to yourself?" Knives swore, and the words he did not dare speak aloud echoed in his mind. Vash was dying. Because of the magnitude of the energy he used, Vash's inexperienced body had not been able to handle it. That, Knives had learned, was the one hindrance on their abilities. More often than not, Knives just became tired after using too much of his power, but he supposed that it had not been good for Vash to use so much energy with the horrible condition his body had been in.

He was bleeding internally now.

"Fool," Knives hissed to himself, grabbing his brother as Vash slipped back toward the sand. "You didn't need that much energy to block me. You should have used less."

A sharp pang of guilt surged through Knives, but he pushed it down. It had not been his fault at all. Everything he had done for Vash thus far had been for his good. A part of Knives' mind shot at him, _What about killing the crew? What about the Gung-Ho Guns? What about causing him to kill?_

Knives stopped those thoughts before they settled into his mind. Those had been lessons. Unfortunately, sometimes, distasteful things had to be done to ensure a positive end. Knives frowned. But no positive end was in sight. All those things, rather than breaking Vash, had only strengthened his resolve.

It was Vash's fault.

Knives grit his teeth as Vash's head fell limp against Knives' supporting arm, his will to stay awake finally losing out to the mesmerizing pull of unconsciousness. Those pale, compassionate eyes slipped closed. Vash looked almost like he was sleeping, his pained features settling into a soft, untainted expression.

Knives felt an unnatural warmth against his side. Grimacing, he looked down. The blood and grit from Vash's wound had stained Knives' clean clothes, smearing scarlet across the pure white cloth. _Disgusting. _Knives sighed. Well, at least Vash's blood was clean, unlike the filth those spiders oozed. He slid a hand under his brother and lifted him up, standing to his feet. He needed to get Vash to the medical section of the ship. There was not much time.

Vash's body convulsed with a sharp cough, reinforcing the truth of Knives' thoughts. _Damn you, Vash, you'd better be okay for just a few more minutes. If determination means anything to you, you'll hold on._

Knives shuddered as he looked at his brother's face. A small rivulet of blood leaked from Vash's mouth through clenched teeth, and his body trembled despite the warm temperature outside.

Tapping in his entrance code, he did not wait for the doors to close behind him before hurrying down the hall of the ship. A couple minutes later, he stopped in front of a tightly secured door. The scanning required to enter it stole several precious seconds.

The doors opened to reveal a cool light, soft and blue-tinted. Knives felt a gentle tingle on his skin, and his eyes wandered to the occupants of the room. "Hello, my sisters," he whispered as he said Vash down onto a cold, chrome table. "I'm sorry for what I must do."

The energy given off by one of the plants was the most immediate way Knives could think of to regenerate his brother's injuries. He had been able to heal before by channeling their energy, but he didn't dare try to heal Vash by himself. He'd never been able to heal himself before. The only abilities he'd been able to use with stability for any length were his more offensive ones.

He pursed his lips. He'd probably only cause more damage by trying. Knives sat Vash's unconscious body up and slipped the tattered coat off, tossing it to the ground. He'd be able to properly dispose of the disgusting thing later on. For now... He did not have time to remove his brother's shirt, so he cut it away with his blades, trying not to look at the scars, the bolts that had secured damaged bones, and the crude, primitive grates over once deep wounds.

It made him feel sick merely to know that they were there, such an obvious testament to Vash's weakness. Sparing a quick glance at Vash, Knives adjusted the energy output of the plant and carefully connected snaking wires to his brother's chest. It was sort of like those paddles, defibrillators—the lost technology that the spiders had used. Once he had finished setting everything up, he turned his back and started the process. It would only take a few moments.

The plant glowed brighter as more and more energy was demanded of it. He could feel the pain of the being inside, but he ignored the ethereal cries that permeated the air. _'Sometimes small but important things must be forgotten to accommodate larger concerns. Small sacrifices must be made. I'm sorry.'_

He winced. Only a few more moments...

"Kn—" The voice was choked, but Knives knew immediately who it was.

_'Speak to me this way and it won't hurt so much. Be still, Vash.'_

Knives didn't turn around, but he heard Vash struggling against the restraints Knives had strapped over him.

_'Knives, what's going on?'_

Knives sighed. Curious as always. _'You're healing. Normally using your abilities merely causes exhaustion, as you well know, but using power of such a magnitude when your body was so weak caused irreparable damage to you internally. I'm using the Plant's energy to heal you. It may actually take a while, depending upon the extent of the damage.'_

_'Flawed, Knives. Like everything else. Like everyone else. Right?'_

Knives spoke aloud. "Be _quiet_, Vash..."

'_You seem to see yourself as different. I don't know why. Why can you not realize it? You're just like those you hate. Power does not make you better. The only way power makes you better is if you use it correctly.' _

Vash's body strained against the straps as he coughed.

"Okay, Vash. Don't speak now. Using your gift at this point is not advisable, since all the Plant's energy should be used to heal you, rather than to channel your abilities. Anything more than silence will tax it."

Vash was silent from that point on. Knives allowed himself a smile. He'd known that would work. Vash even didn't want the _Plant _to labor too hard. His weakness was almost comical.

Several moments passed, and Knives was sure that he heard Vash moving around a bit more.

"Stop this!" Vash finally gasped out. "It's...the Plant...it's hurting."

"I can't stop it now. I'm not sure if you will live at this point. You may feel fine, but it's only because our sister is supporting you. If I stop, the healing process may not be complete enough that you can support yourself without it. You may die. No matter what I do, our sister will not."

More sounds of struggle from behind him.

"You won't know..." Vash whispered, "Unless you try it. Stop this, Knives." A soft clicking sound reached Knives' ears.

In anger, he spun around to see that Vash had found the fasteners. The straps fell away as he sat up and leaned over, settling both elbows onto his knees and resting his head in them. He lifted his warm, liquid eyes until they met Knives'. "Don't you understand?" he asked over the sounds of the Plant.

"Vash—"

Knives clenched the controls and brought them back down, aborting the process. The Plant stopped writhing, its small capacity for sensation slipping back into the comfort of cold nothingness inside of the bulb.

"Thank you," Vash said.

In the silent blue glow, Knives looked at Vash. "Why did you stop me? Are you crazy? Vash, do you want to die?"

He shook his head. "No. Neither. Actually, I suppose that I have more of a reason to live now than ever, because there are people I want to live for. But what is my life if I steal others' lives to live? It's nothing. So I won't do it." Vash sat up straight, gripping the table and setting himself down on his feet. He stumbled a bit, but regained his balance quickly. Still holding to the table, he smiled wistfully at the Plant, and then at Knives. "I think I just need to rest."

He left the room and Knives followed the fading shadow with his gaze. When the door slipped closed, Knives shook his head.Vash didn't make sense at all.

* * *

Night fell on the silent desert and a wind breathed over the dunes, complimenting the setting suns with a beautiful haze of dust that magnified the warm, yellow light. Waves of that light shone on the sand, making it seem like hills of golden glass rose from the ground.

The wind was cool on his face, the sand receptive to his soft footsteps.

Vash watched as the huge entrance closed behind him.

He walked over the sand. The warmth infused into it by the hot suns was still there, just beginning to be replaced by the chilling cool of night.

Mounting the top of a dune, he looked back only once to their battlefield, the collapsed section of the ship stained with blood and chemicals, framed in the same warm light that shone so brightly behind him. All he could see was black and white; dark and light, charcoal-colored rubble and scattered feathers. He could not see the blood or the gray haze of settled dust.

He turned away from it and continued to walk.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, but his words were stolen by the wind and playfully tossed around him. "Sorry Knives, but there's something I have to do."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Yikes! Lots of talking, lots of symbolism—catch it if you can—blood, drama and a bit of experimental writing. I would greatly appreciate comments, on this chapter especially, because I'm wondering if the writing style is okay. More Insurance Girls next chapter! This one is sort of the turning point, where both brothers begin to make their final decisions. Only a little while until the end now. In case the title of this chapter makes no sense, it's in the first verse of the aforementioned chapter of **1 Corinthians. **__The reason behind the title of the story is also finally given in this chapter. LOL, I know it's sort of random, but the title refers to much more than the items themselves. What do you think it means? Well, I'll stop rambling. Thanks for reading!_


	18. No Turning Back

**No Turning Back**

**Disclaimer/Notes:** _Trigun is not my creation, but I like to pretend that I know something about it. Sorry again for the wait, everyone! It seems like the closer this story gets to the end, the harder it is to write. There are so many things that have to be done before this story can be concluded. My sincere thanks to all the wonderful reviewers who have kept me going so far, even though it sometimes seemed like I was indefinitely stuck. I'd like to extend my thanks to some new reviewers, as well. Jaya Mitai, Lone Warrior2, and Raphaella... you guys are awesome! To all my old reviewers...you guys already know how much I love you! _

* * *

Surreal.

It was the only way to describe the shining beauty of the moons tonight. Indigo light layered softly over the scarlet and yellow glows from it neighboring moons, mixing with the deep, dark green light from another one to make a veritable rainbow of colors across the cool sand.

Ahead, the desert stretched on. The circumstances reminded him of those wandering days so many decades ago, when he and Knives had nowhere to go and nothing to do but observe the humans from the outside and sleep on the ground at night. Neither had really followed the other, and they'd not often had any real destination. It was the same way now.

The only difference was that Vash had a destination this time.

So keep following, brother. I can feel you far behind me. Can you feel me, too?

I want to show you something.

* * *

It was a truck.

The front seats were filthy, mottled with stains and specked with holes, and the back was nothing more than a few slabs of wood nailed halfheartedly to the side, but at least the engine ran. Well—Meryl grimaced as the moody contraption shuddered—most of the time. It was as much as Millie and Meryl could get with the little money they carried, though. Meryl drove, eyes facing strictly ahead, and Millie sat in the passenger seat, impassively surveying the sand. It had taken longer than they'd wanted for the two to bargain for transportation.

After they had finally found a vehicle in the caravan that was willing to break from the group and shelled out enough double dollars to make sure that the driver was dedicated to his task, they had started off.

Getting to Jastin had been the easy part.

Finding transportation once they arrived had been nearly impossible.

All the thomases, spooked by the explosion, were too frantic to handle, so Millie and Meryl had no other choice than to search out a car. And of course the only man willing to loan his would want an insanely large sum of money.

Meryl sighed and soothed her empty wallet. There was very little left to buy supplies with. At this rate, she'd be begging on the streets before the day was over.

"Sempai...there."

Ahead of them, jagged spires loomed above a misty cloud, barely piercing the top of the obscurity. Moonlight glinted off of the haze, making the ground ahead of them nearly impossible to see. "So this is it..." Meryl whispered. As they drove on, sharp remains of a collapsed section of the strange vessel caught her attention. This whole place looked like a graveyard. A shudder coursed through Meryl. It suddenly felt so cold here.

* * *

Had it been mere seconds, or had hours passed?

Vash wasn't sure. Enveloped in his thoughts, he had hardly been aware of the iles and iles that had passed under his feet. Many more iles would pass before he reached his destination, but he didn't mind. It gave him time to think. He really needed to think. There were so many questions, so many realizations, conflicting and painful, fighting for attention and dominance in his confused mind. In one moment, he was sure of his path, but in the next, a billion questions refuted what had seemed irrefutable, sending him plunging right back to the beginning and the question that had plagued him for a century.

Was there really an answer?

He'd always thought that there was a positive answer for everything, an out that one could take, if only one knew where it was...and if they were fast and strong enough to think of it and carry it out in time.

But maybe there were many answers to any one question. Perhaps, sometimes, there wasn't a single answer that was completely right.

But maybe...

Out of all the thoughts that ran through his head, one kept returning.

_Knives..._

_How will I save you?_

_Can I save you?_

"Rem..." Vash spoke the same aloud, and it returned a kind of calm to his thoughts. It felt different, though...more distant. The calm was short lasted, and the faded image of her face quickly dissipated in the chaos of his thoughts. A cold realization settled in his mind, an unfamiliar certainty.

She wasn't going to make this decision for him. This time, he had to decide for himself. No outs, no retakes, no cushions to fall back on. A while ago, he had made a promise to stop relying on remembered words. He'd promised to live for himself.

It was hard.

His brother's presence far behind him only made everything more immediate. There was very little time to think about this. He had been so certain about his goal when he'd left his room and wandered the halls, but now all the little things he hadn't worked out nagged at him. Getting out of the facility had been easy enough. He was more observant than Knives gave him credit for. All those codes, the locked doors, the barriers... they all had one weakness. This entire ship was controlled by the Plants. It had been easy enough to communicate with them and bypass the security measures.

Vash sighed.

Yes, that had been the easy part.

Before the morning suns rose on this forsaken planet, a decision would have to be made. Many lives would balance on that decision.

Vash stopped abruptly, feet tossing dusty sand up. Should he...should he go back? So many horrible things could happen...

"Help me...Help me to make the right choice."

_I hope this is the right choice. Please don't let this be another mistake. Prove me wrong, Knives. Just once._

* * *

"They're not...nobody's here." Meryl paced through the rubble, lips pursed tightly. She had the look in her eyes, the carefully controlled fear she hid so well under rational thought. "Something happened here." Millie watched as Meryl's eyes followed blackened stains in the sand. Blood. Her small partner's composure seemed to fail, but was held frantically in check as Meryl gulped in a calming breath. She spoke softly. "Millie? D—do you think...?"

Millie put an arm around her friend's shoulder. The jarring movement, if nothing else, tore Meryl's gaze from the stains. "What should we do, then?"

Meryl nodded forcefully. The fear retreated from her eyes, replaced by calculating calm. "Of course...let's look around."

Meryl took charge and walked ahead, sparing only a brief glance back. Millie followed behind as Meryl traced the bloodstains to the entrance of the facility. Meryl moved her fingers along the cold metal of the closed door, but it didn't take long to realize that the large entrance was sealed solidly shut. She turned around, eyes scanning all around her. They finally settled on the sand beneath her, trailing out in a jagged line.

Footsteps, slightly faded by the night winds. Two sets of them.

* * *

_So close now._

Vash looked ahead and saw the outline of a city. There was a cliff far into the distance. A small satellite station had once been the small town's main attraction, but its new one was the ship crashed into the sand right outside of the settlement. New Oregon. So many memories wafted on the winds coming from the little place.

A few small lights were on in the dusty buildings, signaling the awakening of life. Vash skirted the town carefully to get to the ship. With Knives behind him, he would not risk coming into contact with the innocent settlers here. Several iles later, he finally arrived at the buried platform that led to the entrance.

They'd already know he was here. A lot of the people had left the ship, but Vash knew of at least one who would still be there.

He heard soft speaking and the computerized beep of a code being pressed in, and the door began to lift.

Once it clacked open, the shadow of its occupant beamed up at him. Vash couldn't return the gesture with a genuine smile, so he settled for a shadow of one. His mind cast frantic orders at him. _Leave! This was a horrible idea.Go now. _"Hey, Doc."

The small man welcomed Vash inside. "Vash! It's wonderful to see you again. And so soon!"

Vash tried a soft laugh. "Yeah."

As the perceptive eyes examined Vash's tight features, the smile faded to a look of calm seriousness. "It's Knives, isn't it?"

Vash nodded. The doctor led him into a large room that was exactly like the one where Knives had pinned him with that blade. Vash felt a dull, throbbing pain at his side. He dismissed it, looking around. Yes, this room seemed much more human. Remnants of life were slung over coat racks. Hastily scribbled notes littered the counters. The smell of some perfume wafted on the air. This was humanity. This was the difference.

"How many people are still here?" Vash asked.

The doctor answered after a moment's thought. "About thirteen, I'd say. Most have left and found a home in this town, but a few remained. They help me out with my work here, you see."

Vash swallowed. "Then...tell them to leave. Or to hide below. Please, doc."

The doctor drew a deep breath. "So he's coming here this time?"

Vash nodded. "It's the last thing I can do. There's nothing else that will change his mind. I want to show him the facilities you're constructing here."

For just a moment, Vash saw fear in the doctor's eyes. Or maybe he just thought he had, because when he looked again, they were their usual warm color, full of sympathy and understanding and intelligence.

"I—I'm sorry. I promise, I won't let anyone get hurt. I'll do whatever it takes, doc. I just...this is the only way I can think that might get to him."

The doctor nodded. "When will he come?"

As he spoke, the small man wandered over to the wall.

"Soon. He's a few iles behind me. I wanted to have some time once I arrived..."

The doctor pressed a button and spoke a few words into a console, then nodded. He turned around. "I just ordered everyone to evacuate to the lower level. They should be safe there."

"Thank you," Vash whispered wanly. "I'm sorry."

The doctor smiled. "I trust you, Vash. Now, let me see that arm of yours. It definitely looks the worse for wear. We have some time. I'll make some adjustments for you."

"But you should—"

"Don't say anything. If you're going to face that brother of yours, you can't be anything less than a hundred percent."

Vash smiled at the old man. So stubborn. It was strange to see the wrinkles etched into that dark face, the deep laugh lines around his mouth and eyes—telltale signs of age. The doctor was old, but Vash's age almost doubled the man's. The doctor lifted Vash's prosthetic and looked at it, clicking his tongue. Vash bit his lip absently when a sharp ache shot through his side. He supposed he had not been completely healed last night. Well, he'd ignored the pain this long. He'd continue to.

Vash concentrated on the feeling deep in his mind. He felt Knives, coming closer to this little ship. The thick walls around him felt like wet paper. A single touch from Knives and they'd break down.

"Are you okay, Vash?"

He hadn't realized that he'd let his eyes slip closed. He opened them with a start. "Oh. Yeah. Just thinking. He's closer. You'd better go."

"Almost done, Vash. Besides, I'm the only one who can explain things accurately. We'll wait until he arrives. Everyone else is safe now."

Closer...Knives was so close. Vash felt a shudder sweep through him.

He closed his eyes again, completely absorbed by the electric feeling of his brother's presence. He'd been wandering all night. The lack of sleep weighed at his body, making the darkness behind his closed eyes even more enticing. Vash snapped his eyes open when he heard the sound of screaming metal. It was the sound of Knives' blades. Footsteps came ever closer. Knives was here. The doctor stepped back from Vash and nodded.

"Hide behind something, doc. Please."

"Of course."

Once the doc was out of sight, Vash stood. He could not afford to lose this time. Knives stepped into the room. There was a smile on his face, and...

Blood on his blades.

Knives saw Vash's look of shock and laughed. "Oh, this? I took a detour. Don't worry. Your precious humans are safe. This blood is of a thomas. Damn animal would not stop making noise. So, why the move, brother? Tired of the old, cold abode you were in?"

Vash stepped forward. "I came because I knew you would follow."

Knives' brows knitted. "Oh?"

"Because I want to show you something. It's important, Knives. It's the beginning of your Eden."

Knives flexed the blades. They scraped gently together, sending whispers of metallic cries across the room. "So?"

"Follow me, Knives."

The voice was not Vash's. Knives' eyes narrowed as he saw the doctor step out from behind a counter. "What's going on, Vash?" Knives demanded.

The doctor saw the blades but did not react.

"There is something your brother wishes to show you."

"Doc..." Vash whispered frantically.

"Vash."

Knives looked straight into the old man's eyes.

"I'm not afraid to die, son," the doctor said. "I've lived to see many things. I have no regrets. If you would follow me now..."

Knives lowered the blades. "Keep the filthy parasite away from me. Show me what you brought me here for, Vash."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Sorry that this isn't as big as the last two chapters. I did plan on doing a lot more in this chapter, but it would take up way too much time, so I decided to split it into two. That way, it won't take two **more **weeks._ (Insert nervous laugh here)


	19. Shades of Gray

**Shades of Gray**

**Disclaimer/Notes: **_I don't own Trigun__. Also, to all the writers out there,** remember: **Knives Day is **TODAY!** Write a drabble or short fic to help celebrate! (Gets madly to work on a Knives-centric story.) Anyway, hope you enjoy. I had a crazy time trying to write the characters in this one. I guess it's my own fault for putting them into such a crazy situation. _

* * *

Knives' footsteps echoed in sync with Vash's as they walked through the long, darkened hall. The only light shone from under a door at the very end of the hall, illuminating them all dimly.

Vash heard the sound of his heartbeat like the staccato taps of a drummer. Dizzy with fear, he could almost see through his brother's eyes, feel the hatred coursing through Knives. He stepped in front of the doctor. Knives could do nothing without literally having to go through Vash first.

They stopped at the end of the hallway, and Knives squinted as the sudden bright light of the suns shone through a windowed room. The doors closed and Vash felt a sensation of safety sweep over him. He did not hear the sound, but he knew what had happened when the door had slipped closed. It was what he had counted on. It was a containment lock, a seal from the outside. It had been placed there long before, when this was a laboratory. Nothing was getting out of this door now. Whatever happened behind it would stay there. The people here were safe...for now.

Once he had entered the room, Vash looked around.

There were no walls in this one. It was a dome of glass. Outside, long, dark panels stretched far beyond the glass, reflecting sunlight back into the room in a blinding display of white light. The doctor donned sunglasses and tapped a few keys on a computer. The panels lifted slightly. "This is the place," he murmured.

"What is it?" Knives hissed.

"Solar panels. With the overwhelming amount of sun that beats down on this planet each day, we have more than enough energy to power many of the systems here, with much left to conserve. This entire ship no longer has need of its Plants. They are sleeping below. In essence, they are free. This ship is run entirely by solar energy. As you have seen, we have not finished rewiring it all, so many places are still dark. But it is the beginning. It's our beginning, and yours, too."

Knives frowned. "Regression is inevitable. This feeble power source will fail and your species will fall back into its old ways. It will not stop. Humans refuse to change."

"Who are you rationalizing that to?" Doc asked softly, not looking up as he worked at a console.

Knives cast a disgusted glare at Vash. "It won't work."

"It will," the doctor said. "It has already started. Soon, we will have the resources to power this small town. Wind and sunlight are painful constants here, but we can change them into our allies. We've always had the resources to change. It's just that no one has had the will, the technology or the knowledge to try. We do now. After this, other towns will prosper. We needed only to start this."

Knives sneered at the doctor, stepping forward and bowing down to the small man's level. "Change? Perhaps. But for how long? A week, two? Perhaps a year, or even many years. But then a problem will arise, and out of fear for their own worthless lives, your kind will do whatever they must to ensure their own survival. I've seen it, over and over again."

A soft voice broke in. "And you're different from them in what way? Tell me that, Knives."

Knives lurched upward, controlled anger burning in his eyes as he met his brother's calm gaze. "What did you say, Vash?"

Vash stepped in front of the doctor. "I said exactly what I meant, Knives. You say they're a mass of contradictions, but your actions go against the beliefs you claim to hold to. Remember when we were little, watching those people drinking the water in front of that crashed ship? You got so disgusted when that one man ran and stole the water from the others. He was selfish, but you still judged every person outside of that ship for the one man's actions, and then you nearly overloaded that Plant."

Knives did nothing.

"You've done that for so long, Knives. You judged the entire ship we were on—and all the people sleeping inside—for the actions of a small group. Do you know how many children died? There were...millions of people there, Knives. Remember how Rem would let us scroll through the computer log of passengers? Knives...so many people...so many children were not given the chance to even live! You always say that humans sacrifice others for their own protection. What are you, then, for doing the very same thing on an even larger scale?"

"Vash, stop it!" Knives hissed. In response to his anger, the blades on his arm bristled menacingly.

"You fear what they will do to you, Knives. You think that we cannot be accepted for what we are, and perhaps we can't. But killing them is not the way to go about changing things. You think that I'm weak for trying to save them. You can't fathom why I'd let myself be harmed for such disgusting and contradictory beings. Over and over, you've said that you can't understand me, and that I don't make any sense. You talk of logic, but you seem even more illogical than they do.

"We are all flawed. We live in a flawed world with incomplete knowledge, where innocent people die without a reason and men kill other men. We're not omnipotent, as much as you may want to believe that we are. On the way here, I thought about a lot of things. Everyone can't be saved every time. Sometimes, you can only do the best you can and hope that it's enough. I've always hoped that I could change everything, but you want to know what? I can't. But maybe I can change one person, and maybe that person will change another. It's all we can do, because we're _not _gods."

Knives stood. He smiled. "Maybe not, but we're better than _they_ are. The thought of sharing this world with them is repulsive. In fact...I thank you for bringing me here. This _will_ be the start of our Eden." The blades on his arm lengthened as he drew a cleansing breath. "But before we enjoy this luscious new power source, I think I'll get rid of the parasites. Don't get in my way, Vash. I did some thinking on the way here, too. If I must, I'll kill you. I would rather not have to, but if you get in my way, it will only prove your unwillingness to change. I will no longer see you as my kin, but as a spider...like them."

Vash did not move from in front of the doctor. His mind berated him for not thinking this through more deeply. But perhaps...perhaps he had known.

Doc's soft whisper was audible behind him. "I won't say that I've lived out my days and you haven't, because that would be useless and a rather obvious lie. I only _look_ a lot more like I have...but you were talking about change. You can start it. Don't be stupid, Vash. Don't sacrifice yourself."

Vash looked back and smiled. "I'll be fine. I'm really sorry, Doc. You know how I am, though."

Knives' mouth opened as if he were about to speak, but a cold expression passed over his features, and he closed his mouth again.

No hesitation this time. He swung the blades in a wide arc. Vash gripped a nearby console and plunged backwards, tired muscles straining with the jarring movement. The blades barely missed, blinding light glinting from them as they seared the air mere inches above Vash. Once they had withdrawn, Vash lurched forward and stepped out of the thin aisle almost instinctively. Perhaps Doc could move freely in there, but Vash could hardly navigate his way through the thin passage without—oh God! The doc! Vash swore to himself and cut back into the aisle, right as Knives thrust his blades forward. "Doc, run!" Vash managed to gasp as he hastened backwards. Too slow.

Pain in his arm. Scarlet misted across the pristine console to his right.

"I see you've made your choice." Knives' words were soft, but their tone was cold and razor sharp. "I'm glad. It makes it so much easier to carry mine out."

With blurring speed, Knives' left hand reached out and gripped the slice he'd made on Vash's right arm. Pain sent shudders of weakness through him, and even though he tried to fight, his brother's physical strength outweighed Vash's. Knives spun Vash out of the aisle and pushed him against the wall. Vash's head collided with it, sending lightning bolts across his vision.

Knives didn't allow him to slip down or regain his balance. The moment Vash hit the wall, Knives handled four blades and shot each one forward with deadly force. Each hit its mark, piercing skin and muscle and binding him to the wall.

"I'll figure out what to do with you when I'm done."

Vash's vision was on fire with white slashes of pain and an encroaching haze of blackness, but he could still see—or perhaps he only felt it—as Knives turned toward the doctor. Vash tried to move, but his body did not respond. Every other sense seemed magnified in the absence of his sight, as if his body was mocking him with his inability to protect those he loved. He heard Knives' footsteps, heard the steady plink of his own blood as it spattered rhythmically to the floor. "Knives..."

But the single word caught in his throat, more a guttural cough than anything else.

He could not use his abilities. The concentration required was impossible now.

Vash blinked until he was able to make out whitish outlines. His blood on the floor seemed only to be deep, dark black holes in the world of gray-white around them. Vash heard Knives' voice, and he heard the doctor's soft reply. Then Knives again... "Shall I take it slow, then, spider?"

No...

No! Vash tried to move his left arm, but the limp prosthetic wouldn't even twitch. He'd have to use his right hand, then. Vash reached up to his right shoulder in jerky starts and gripped the blade there. His body arched in pain from the exertion, nearly convulsing. The blade had been slammed all the way through. It had lodged deeply into the wall behind him. He would have to twist it to even get it to budge.

But he'd made a plan. He could not go back. He could not give up now.

First he jammed the knife up with his palm. His teeth clamped as he felt the heat of blood spreading from the torn wound. Once he was sure that his grip was strong enough, he grabbed the knife and arched it downward just a bit. A pull and it was out.

Vash's vision blanked and he shook his head to regain it. With his free right arm, he gripped his prosthetic left and lifted it. In contrast to his slow movements, the machine gun in his arm opened with blinding speed. He didn't need to see Knives. He could tell where he was by sense alone. It had always been that way between the twins.

"I'm sorry, Knives. Rem... I'm so sorry."

He fired.

* * *

_Two hands had joined together, sealed by a promise and a smile. So easy. Everything had been so easy back then. Right had been right and wrong had been wrong. Their world was colored in black and white, having not yet revealed the spectrum of grey shadows lurking beneath the flawless contrast._

It had been so perfect back then.

They should have known it would not last. So very few things in this world lasted. Even the strongest bonds were torn and twisted by the decaying test of time.

Pain...

Blood and memories congealed together, interspersed with images of a face that had once held only happy curiosity. Knives...

Why did things have to change? Why... why did it come to this? Brothers should never fight. No one should fight.

They had made a promise.

If only childish sincerity had been enough to seal it. But it never was.

* * *

It was so quiet.

The air, the wind—even the sunlight seemed to have a sound. The world was full of ambient buzzing, but those whispers were completely devoid of life. Quiet and dead. Vash shook himself out of the enveloping peace of the thoughts that dragged him into darkness. With his right hand, he grasped at the blade in his left shoulder, wrenching it up savagely. He ignored the blood and the pain. He let the blade slip through his fingers to the floor. This was the end. It didn't matter.

Next came the blades in his legs. It seemed to take an eternity to displace them. Once they were gone, he fell. Ironically enough, they had been the only things keeping him upright. Vash sucked in a deep breath and made himself stand. As he navigated his way to the place across the room, a trail stopped him. Blood. Like a snake, it followed the cracks slowly, moving forward with stealth. He bit his lip. "Knives..."

Vash made himself continue to walk, until he found his way to the narrow walkway.

A weak laugh, drier than the barren wind outside, echoed up from the floor. "What, do you plan to kill me now, brother? Finally given up on that fruitless venture of yours?"

Vash shook his head. "No, Knives," he whispered.

Knives smirked and absently fingered the bullet wounds on his body. His arms, his shoulders, his side. Material slipped from one of his blades and bonded the wound closed. "Superficial. Still trying not to kill." He shook his head.

Vash gripped the counter as dark haze washed his vision. "Knives. Do you remember...the promise we made?"

The smirk softened a bit, whether in exhaustion from blood loss or in acknowledgement, Vash did not know. Knives blinked, and his eyes remained closed over the lids for several moments before he opened them again, directing his icy gaze to Vash's azure one. "I remember. What of it?"

"That's sort of what I was wondering." Vash couldn't hold himself up any longer, so he let himself sit down in the slick floor. "What of it? Does it mean anything to you?"

Knives laughed, but there was no mirth in it. "Of course. You think that I am the one who has caused all these problems, but who ran away, Vash? Who avoided me at every turn, getting involved with those disgusting spiders in some lame attempt at absolution? I've never forgotten that naive promise we made, brother. You did. And we can't go back to those days. Not now. It took me a long time to realize that, but it's true."

"But..."

Another laugh, harsher, grating like the sharp instruments Knives commanded. "You really think it's possible? Don't be naive. I've finally realized the truth. You've heard of a point of no return? We passed it...so long ago. We're not the people we used to be, and we'll never be those people again."

"We don't _have_ to be. We can—"

Knives shook his head. "No, we can't. I proved it to you and you proved it to me today." He gestured to the blood on the floor and smeared against the counter they leaned against."Brothers...they would not do this."

Vash felt anger welling inside of him, searing awareness into his consciousness. "Maybe it's the only thing we could do...to finally open our eyes."

Knives did not reply. The light of both suns caught on the dark panels outside, and the reflected light cast through the room, blinding and ethereal. Vash winced and closed his eyes.

"Your spider... I didn't kill him." An ironic smile passed Knives' lips.

Vash had known this before, but he had not expected Knives to mention it. His eyes traveled to the doctor. He looked as if he were unconscious, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.Vash looked at the blades, still formed at Knives' side. Those blades... _He could've... if he wanted to... _"Thank you."

"It was not my own choice, Vash. Save your thanks. Nothing has changed."

"What now?"

Silence.

"Knives..."

"God, Vash. You're an idiot. Do you enjoy pain? You're going to bleed to death if you make no attempt to stem those wounds."

"Oh." Vash put his hand over one of the dripping knife wounds and then pulled his hand away, looking at it absently, as if there was something much more important taking up his thoughts. "Knives, I'm sorry I hurt you."

He smiled dryly. "You've never found it too difficult before."

Vash looked down at the ground, watching as blood snaked across the floor, inevitably etching a thicker path outward. "No. I really am sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I've done it before and I'm sorry. I...had to. You were going to kill Doc."

Vash saw Knives raise the bladed hand. With little thought and with no hesitation, Vash closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, the blades had stopped. Knives hissed in a breath, trying to regain control of the hand.

"Please don't," Vash said. It felt so strange and horrible and yet frighteningly easy to seize control of someone's freedom like this, but he could not allow Knives to hurt any more people. "I don't want to have to do this to you."

Breathing quickly, Knives gasped a statement through clenched teeth, "So you're finally acknowledging what you are."

"You can't get out of here, Knives. I'm not afraid to do what I have to so I can make sure you don't hurt the people here."

Knives said nothing. After a few moments, Knives said, "You knew the door locked when we walked in. I saw it in your face. You meant to face me again."

"Yeah."

"Protecting your humans," Knives spat.

"Protecting us, too. Knives... I have something to tell you. Please listen. When I'm done, you can do whatever you want. You can try to kill me, or you can just disagree, and we'll pick this up where it started on that escape pod so long ago. We'll go our separate ways...again. Please, just listen to me."

* * *

Knives stared out to the horizon, where both suns were making their way above it. All the clouds had taken on the suns' orange glow, so the entire expanse of sky seemed to blaze. A wind swept over him, drying the blood over the wounds he had sealed. He heard two voices. One was Vash's, the other that diminutive spider he'd forgotten to kill. He clenched his teeth as the wind stopped. Vash's voice was soft but still audible.

"Sorry. Thanks for the bandages, but I don't want to cause you any more trouble. It was kind of you to even do what you did, and I'm so sorry...sorry for what happened. I'm sure things will work out all right. You give a lot of people hope, Doc. Keep it up. What you're doing here...it's going to save us all. Goodbye, Doc. I'll see you..."

But Vash didn't finish the sentence, and the doctor didn't reply.

Soft footsteps crunched into the sand until Vash was standing behind Knives.

Still facing forward, Knives did not turn around to see his brother's face. "Do not think that anything has changed, Vash, or that my plans will be put off forever. This is a mere detour. It is for entertainment and nothing more."

Vash spoke behind him, his voice tinted with an unfamiliar softness while at the same time holding merciless determination. "I understand, Knives, but you have to understand, too. When you brought me with you, you revealed what we can do, what I can do. And...before, I think I was afraid to use my abilities. I was afraid to leave, afraid to be away from the people I'd grown to care about... but I'm not anymore. Not any of it. If you ever try to kill people again—and I'll feel it if you do, Knives—I'll do whatever I have to, to make sure no one gets killed. Now that I know what I have to do, we can stay like we were, rivals...or we can go away from here and we can try to see if we really can still be brothers. Either way, I'm not giving up. Not ever."

Knives' lips turned up. Vash had become so much stronger. The fool had finally accepted his abilities as a part of him, and his power was only growing."You break this deal and run, Vash, and I'll know. If you even _think_ about it I'll know, and I'll kill them."

"Yes."

* * *

They walked. It wasn't very far, but it was far enough that they were no longer in view of the ship. Knives' demeanor suddenly darkened as a car appeared over one of the sandy dunes. "Your little spiders are close, brother."

Vash nodded. He stood there, barely daring to move. So this was the compromise he had been looking for. To keep Knives from hurting the humans he cared about, he would have to leave, forever alienating himself from the people here. He would just be a ghost to them, watching but not seen.

Alone.

But perhaps he and Knives could try to mend the relationship they'd torn.

He could not try to change Knives anymore, because he couldn't make him do that. Only Knives could change.

And if that was impossible, then at least Vash could counter Knives. And he could. He would.

"Go," Knives hissed.

Vash turned briefly and met Knives' eyes as he started walking.

'I'll be watching, Vash. You can go there and heal, but if you choose not to return, remember... I will kill them.'

'No you won't. I would stop you if you tried. I have no intention of running away, though, Knives.'

Off in the distance, Vash watched the car navigate the dusty dunes as the two watched, far above it all. The people in the vehicle were mere specks, but he could feel that it was them. Meryl and Millie. Hope surged inside of him at the thought of being able to see them again so soon, but it died when he realized he'd have to explain his reasons. How could he say that once he had stayed with them for a little while, he'd have to leave again? How could he tell them that he probably would never see them after that?

More than the wounds through his body, that hurt.

Vash slid down the dune and waited at the bottom.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Wow, well...lots of character development here. (I hope.) Vash made a lot of decisions in this one. The crazy idiot finally accepted his abilities and realized that the only way to compromise was to leave his friends completely. He's still hoping to save Knives, or at least stop him, but I can't imagine Vash ever giving up on that. At least he's starting to realize that changing Knives isn't his own choice, but Knives'. Thanks for reading! (_whispers_) Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Strike that—I'm terrified that I didn't do everything right! Please give your thoughts! And don't worry, everything left unexplained in this chapter will be explained in the next one._


	20. Epilogue: Destination

**Epilogue: **

**Learning to Breathe / Destination**

**Disclaimer / Notes:** _I've joined the final two chapters to make this entire story into a nice, even twenty._ _You know the times when life runs away from you and leaves you in the dust? Well... Things have been pretty crazy with my mom (in her late forties and just found herself a new love of her life...her fifth one.) And many other things. Anyway, someone kill me so I'll stop rambling. Please forgive my lateness, but if you won't, then feel free to use the provided bats (points to wooden bats) to beat me over the head. My sincere thanks for reading. Love you all! I welcome honest criticism._

* * *

By the time the vehicle pulled to a jerky halt, Vash had leaned back against the sand and closed his eyes. It felt nice to rest like this. It was a peaceful rest, uninterrupted by memories or regrets. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like this.

Or perhaps he had _never_ felt like this before. There had always been something to worry about, a decision waiting to be made.

Steve...Rem...the Fall...

July.

Always something. But now...

As his eyes slipped closed, he let his other senses thrive in the darkess. Sound; wind whispered gently across the dunes, joining the soft hum of an ancient engine, its rumble almost natural. Taste; the tangy taste of blood touched on his tongue. Smell...the smell of water in the air, all-encompassing.

He needed to sleep. In sleep, his body would begin to mend itself.

As the smells and sounds began melding together in exhaustion, a cry caught his attention, forcing him to open his eyes.

Meryl's expression truly would have been comical if not for the fear he read in it. Her small, slender body leaned over in front of him, contrasted against the ugly olive green of the truck she had vaulted from. Her huge violet-grey eyes widened as her dark hair slipped over them. Her mouth dangled open and then snapped closed like a curious goldfish's. A single hand was outstretched as if to poke him, shaking uncertainly.

"Um...Vash?"

He made an effort to look lively. "Hey, Meryl." His voice sort of slurred, though, totally ruining the effect. He blinked and let one eye remain open as he stared up at her.

Meryl trembled and bit her lip, her eyes hesitantly wandering to his blood-soaked clothing and the makeshift bandages that Doc had given him.

Vash laughed. "It's not that bad. I'm...actually fine, you know."

Meryl clenched her fists and managed to bring back a shadow of her old, commanding demeanor. "You're most certainly not fine! Help me get you up. We need to get to New Oregon and find a doctor." Meryl's eyes raked frantically over the distant settlement, squinting in the light.

"We shouldn't," Vash said. "I don't want to endanger them. Is there any place we can go...somewhere far away from any towns?" He allowed Meryl to help him up, and he helped as much as he could. He towered over her, though. He knew he was putting a strain on her, so he shifted his weight to the back of the truck as soon as he could.

A slick trail of blood followed him as he slid into the truck bed.

Millie spoke up slowly from the front. "We're near New Oregon, right Sempai?"

Meryl nodded.

"Well, if that's where we are then I know just the perfect place! My big big brother used to live there, but he left when he got married because his wife wanted to live close to a place she could shop in. And I'm sure that Andy wouldn't mind it one bit if we took Mr. Vash there. No one wants to go there because it's all alone." She smiled back. "Is that okay, Sempai?"

Meryl nodded again, frantically, as she spoke under her breath. She crawled into the back beside Vash and settled in, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Vash, you idiot...what happened...?"

But he didn't reply. He didn't hear her. He was... _No, don't think like that! _Meryl shook her head hard when she realized what she was doing. She was panicking. _God! Just stop it already._ She hated it when she got this way. She had not been raised as a coward, but as a strong, level-headed young woman. If her parents could see her now, they'd be disgusted. Odd that she thought of them now, of all times. But perhaps the beginning of something inevitably connected to the end.

And of course, when Vash was around, everything happened. The impossible suddenly became wildly and dangerously plausible, and everything she thought was certain melted at its foundations. She hated it and yet she craved it.

Warmth licked at the feet she'd pulled beneath her, and she jerked out of her thoughts. Her heart clenched in her chest when she realized that the warmth around her was Vash's blood.

"_And you said you're all right?_ I can't believe you! If this is all right, I don't even want to _see_ you when you're 'not too good'. You're...how much blood do you _have_, anyway?" She scooted closer to him and pulled her cloak off, pressing it around him with a tight frown. He resisted just a bit, but soon settled down. "Meryl..."

She felt her cheeks tingle with warmth. "What?" she snapped.

He opened both eyes, but the lids drooped sluggishly over his hazy blue stare. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I...you guys...looked for me."

"Of course we did, you broomhead! What did you think we'd do?" Meryl murmured. She shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "Vash...I—I wanted to—"

"Meryl." He stopped her before she could continue.

And what had she been going to say, anyway? Could she really tell him? No. Not now. When they'd settled down; when he'd rested. She'd tell him then.

"Meryl...I'm sorry. I can't stay long. I'll...have to leave again."

Meryl tried to form a comprehensive reply, but she failed. "Why? You just...when?"

"It's...it won't be too long. But we don't have to think about it right now." Vash smiled.

There was something strange about his smile, but it took her a while to place it.

She had never seen him smile like this. There were the huge smiles, so obviously fake that it hurt to look too close. There were those rare real ones, deep but still genuine, even though they were weighed down by sorrow.

This one... it wasn't heavy, like before. It still looked sad, but not uncertain, not frantic and fearful and tense. It was relaxed, resigned...relieved.

She couldn't ask him any more. Not now.

It, too, could wait.

She stared up to the clear sky and breathed in the warm air, closing her eyes.

"You know... everything...it's new." Vash spoke up softly. "Like learning to breathe all over again. I think...I've finally made the right choice. I always thought that I could stay, that perhaps...I could keep some of the happiness I'd found, but... I guess it was too much. I think I knew it all along, but I wasn't strong enough to make a choice. I hid. Thank you, for everything." He smiled softly. "I'm really sorry I have to leave, but it will be best. At the very least...you will remain safe. I'll do... whatever I have to do to...make sure of that..."

His eyes slipped closed, and soon, his chest rose and fell tentatively in sleep. His breaths deepened, and Meryl tightened her cloak around his body. _I hid... _She'd been hiding, too, for a long time.

But if he was just going to leave again, why not stay hidden?

No. She'd promised Millie...

She'd tell him. Sometime.

Meryl leaned over and let her own eyes close. She hadn't slept much in the last couple days, since they'd started their search for Vash. She rested her head against the vibrating metal. "Vash?"

Of course he couldn't hear her. It was better that way. "Vash, would you believe me if I told you something?"

Silence met her whisper. Tears of exhaustion and emotion built up behind her closed eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "No, you probably wouldn't. But... You know, it really does sound stupid, but the first time I saw you, you were everything I hated. Reckless, lacking order and composure. You made fun of everything. You ate my doughnuts, for God's sake! You chased skirts without subtlety or shame, and..." Meryl laughed and squeezed her eyes shut tight to get rid of the tears that lingered on her eyelashes. "You drove me crazy. Every single time I saw that goofy grin I wanted to slap it right off of your face. How could a person like you, a person who's been through all you've been through...how can you smile? But I understand, now. I think I've understood for a long time. And...I..."

She kept herself from saying the very words she had promised to say. "I just wish you didn't have to leave," she said instead. "But...I guess I understand that too."

From the front, Millie's voice rang out. "We're almost there, Sempai. Not too far now."

As much as she wanted to get there, she wished they would never have to stop this car. Inevitably, though, Millie pulled to a halt outside of a weathered little shack, and Meryl silently watched as her taller partner carried Vash inside. The door opened with a creak audible even in the moaning wind. Dust accompanied Millie's entrance. This place had been empty for a long time. Standing outside, Meryl watched as her partner laid Vash down on a bare bed and began dusting with her shawl. Millie opened both windows, allowing the rampant wind to play through the house.

Meryl wanted to go inside, but the wind captivated her, keeping her from entering the stifling shack. It was so free out here. The beauty of the cool breeze almost allowed her to forget what Vash had said. She closed her eyes and fell back onto the sand, relaxing into its warm embrace. The sky above swam with clouds that came and went from one horizon to the other and far beyond. Turning slowly to look at the arms stretched out beside her, Meryl was shocked to realized how dirty she was. She'd wrapped the cloak around Vash, so all she wore now were the long white shirt and violet leggings. The white shirt's top buttons, usually fastened tightly, had long since been opened to combat the heat. Once immaculately straightened sleeves had been folded nearly up to her elbows, and the clean white cloth had been faded to a sort of pure tan from dust. And her hair... when had she last cut it?

A month ago, at the very least. The dark strands fell around her face and curled under her ears.

Though she was shocked by this realization, the thing that shocked her the most was that she didn't want to clean up right away. Dust was dust. It was all around. The clothes...well, she had to do _something_ to ward off the heat. And her hair...

Meryl smiled when she realized what she was doing. She'd always been taught that allowing a bad influence into her life would influence everything around it. Perhaps that's what was happening. Perhaps soon she'd be just as bad as everyone else. Perhaps order would begin to break down and her meticulously ordered world would begin to crumble, too.

"I don't care."

She spoke aloud, and the wind played with her words before releasing them to the world. Meryl sighed. _I don't care._ She said it again to herself as she stood to her feet and patted the sand from her clothing.

She walked inside, unaware of the figure that watched from the far horizon.

Knives could see the human, and even though he couldn't see Vash, he could feel his brother's presence. "Hurry up, Vash. Return to me." Knives turned around, shaking his head in disgust at his brother's weakness. '_I'm getting impatient.'_

* * *

Uneventful hours turned into days, and things continued in a sort of pseudo-normalcy. Vash awoke two days after they arrived, claiming that he was fine, at least until he tried to get out of bed. His wounds had begun to heal already, but he certainly wasn't ready for bouncing around yet. From that point on, Meryl took on the job of warden and sat either outside of his room or inside on the chair, depending on how determined the idiot was to escape. Most of the time it was inside. Arms crossed, reading a book or staring at nothing...

They didn't actually talk too much.

Even now, Meryl sat in the rickety old chair in the corner of the room. It must have been too large to take out of the narrow doorway when Millie's brother moved, because it was one of very few pieces of furniture left here. This little shack must have been built around the furniture. It had grown from the sands to become a home, something permanent...something to depend on.

Meryl's eyes moved slowly to Vash's face. Had he ever had something like that? A home?

Probably not. He was a self-professed wanderer. He'd finally found something of a home with her and Millie, and now...

Meryl's fingernails dug painfully into the skin of her hands, until she was sure that the skin was tearing. And now Knives had taken away even that temporary solace. Soon, Vash would leave again. "Damn him!" Meryl slammed her clenched fists into the arms of the chair, but they offered no resistance, easily bending to her anger.

It didn't help at all.

Meryl saw Vash moan and roll around in the bed, and she fell silent. He'd just fallen sleep a few minutes ago, after studiously resisting rest for days. He'd tried to stay awake, but in the silence here, in the cooing wind, there was very little to do, and he'd finally given in.

Sleep would help him to heal.

Maybe that was why he'd been staying up. But it was futile. He needed to heal anyway. There was no use causing strain on himself. "Rest well, Vash." _And sweet dreams. I hope._

Meryl's anger melted away as she watched his resting features, loosened and almost childish... relaxed. Perhaps that was what his life would forever be; hell and pain during every waking hour. Maybe he would only find peace in his sleep.

Stop thinking like that.

She sighed and rubbed at her eyes. She hadn't gotten very much sleep either. Come to think about it... Vash was finally asleep, so...

Meryl gave in to the burning exhaustion and curled into the embrace of the armchair.

Sleep came instantaneously.

* * *

As soon as he heard Meryl's snores, Vash sat up in bed. He got up quickly and took one of his blankets, wrapping it around her tiny frame. He sighed and sat back down on the bed, laying down and curling into the blankets. He tested his shoulder's range of movement. It hurt like fire, but he could move it. Already, he was beginning to heal. The long, tender wound would soon seal, and after that, it would become just another scar.

And then he'd...

He'd have to leave.

Vash sat up, surveying the room, taking in the dirt and the little black ink markings on the wall, measuring sticks for growing children. The dirt, to Knives, would be a taint, the markings just memoirs of useless sentimentality. Vash loved it, though. He examined Meryl's sleeping form, relaxed but still just a bit tense, her brow creased in concentration. He heard her breaths, soft and real. Her knees had been drawn up under her chin and her mouth hung open just a bit. Vash laughed. She was drooling onto the sheet.

This was what humanity was.

The door opened loudly, but its progress was slowed as Millie realized Meryl was sleeping. "You still awake, Mr. Vash?"

"I think I slept for a little bit, but yeah." He smiled. "How have you been?"

Millie grinned. "I got some supplies from New Oregon! I made cookies, too! Wanna try one? I know Sempai thinks I only eat pudding, but I love sweets, you know. And I used to bake cookies with big brother Andy. I'm not as good as everybody else was, but they're pretty good, I think." She proudly held a brimming plate to him, and he took several cookies. "They smell good."

Millie beamed in ecstasy and waited, moving up and down on her heels.

"Okay. Um..." Vash took a bite. Several seconds passed, and Millie began to look nervous. "This is amazing!"

The beam returned. "Good! I'll leave them in here, then. Oh!" Millie's eyes widened. "Uh-oh, I think the next batch is burning!"

She ran out, and Vash laughed.

Humanity.

He'd miss it.

But at least...at least these two would remain safe.

"Yeah," He murmured. _Keep telling yourself that._

_

* * *

_

The early morning suns shone with all their might, the child sun and its larger parent, both traversing the promising blue sky as they had done every single day before, and as they would do for many centuries to come. There was very little breeze, but the morning cool had not yet worn off. Vash looked out to the horizon ahead of him, to the hill where he knew his brother was waiting. It was time. His wounds had healed sufficiently, though not completely. He could feel Knives' anger.

Staying any longer would only compromise the girls' safety.

Vash hefted his bag onto his right shoulder, and looked over his left to the little shack. The light of the suns was just beginning to illuminate it. Meryl had been up an awful lot for the last several days, and she was still sleeping. Millie... Millie probably knew. And both of them would find the letter either way.

Vash tried to start his forward journey, but he couldn't. His step faltered and he found himself looking back yet again.

He'd left a letter. Usually he didn't have the heart to write more than a simple thank you, or a "don't look for me" kind of thing, but he'd been writing this one for a long time. It was still short, but...he'd said what he needed to say. He'd said goodbye. He'd told them that they had become his home. Millie, and...

Meryl.

They were his family, his friends. And that's why he had to go.

Please don't be sad for me. I'll be fine. I've finally found a way to do the thing I have always desired. You guys be careful.

And he had signed the note,

Vash the Stampede.

He turned. Perhaps he should have told them more. Perhaps he should have written the things that plagued his mind. Perhaps...

But if he went back in there, he wouldn't be able to make himself leave again.

Vash started walking. The sand yeilded to his soft footsteps, welling up around him like an enveloping ocean. One step, then another. Each foot followed the same pattern.

He didn't even hear it. He felt her before he heard the running footsteps behind him.

"Vash! Vash, where the hell are you going?"

Vash stopped in his tracks. He closed his eyes and then lifted them again, turning to face his pursuer. Light blue nightgown framing her petite body, she stood behind him with both arms perched on her hips. "Meryl..."

She saw the look in his eyes and she knew. The hands dropped to her sides and the fists she had tightened became loose. "You're leaving."

He nodded and turned around. "You should go back in now. Knives is waiting for me."_ Please go inside. I can't leave when the things I will miss most are so close to me. Please._

"No! Vash..." She squared herself and spoke. "I have something I've been wanting to tell you. I..."

Vash shook his head violently and lowered it, walking slowly toward her. He placed a finger on her lips. "It can't work this way, Meryl. I can't let you come with me. I...I know what you're wanting to say, and... But... I am destined to live like this. I have walked this planet in silence for a century before this, and I will walk it for centuries more. I can't put you in harm's way like I do to myself. If I took you with me, I think I might break my promise to Rem. She's gone now, but the people she died to save are not." He smiled. "I know this is what I need to do."

Meryl opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Tears that had brimmed in her eyes dripped onto her cheeks and she swiped them away.

"I promise, Meryl, that I'll see you again one day...even if you don't see me. I'll be watching."

Each tear that fell down her face felt like a needle piercing his soul. He wiped them away from her cheeks one by one, until just a few rested on her wide eyelids. "Please don't be sad. I'm not too sad, because I know now that I can counter him. I don't have to worry because I know I can keep you guys safe now. But..." He laughed, and it wasn't forced this time. "Next time Bernardelli tells you to follow some whacko creep, just tell them you've lost your mind from following me or something, okay?"

Meryl laughed too, and even more tears fell. Her body shook with sobs.

Vash knelt down and wrapped her arms around her. Her tears wet his shirt. He reveled in their warmth. This is why he'd wanted to leave right away. But now... he just wished he could take all of her sadness away. "I'm very sorry."

Meryl stilled and tighened her arms around his back, gripping on as if for her life. Her fingernails dug into the skin of his back. She buried her face in his neck and just stayed there.

It seemed like forever. Vash pulled away, blushing, and Meryl stood there, looking sort of dumbstruck.

"Um...yeah. I'm really sorry about that. I..." Vash remembered the last time he'd impulsively hugged her. It had ended with a rather nasty concussion. "I couldn't help myself."

Meryl shook her head. "No...thank you." She smiled. She took a step backward and wrung her hands in front of her, glancing up at him and then back down at her hands.

Vash got up and started walking again. "Hey, I'll see you! Don't forget me, okay?"

He walked until he was no longer visible over the dunes, until the light of dawn completely obscured him.

Only when he was gone did Meryl finally speak. "You idiotic broomhead. You really think I'll forget you?"

The suns had risen farther in the sky and now beat down upon her back. She turned to face the glaring light and walked back to the cabin, her footsteps mechanical. She arrived at the door and opened it, closing it automatically as she sat herself down at their makeshift table—a large, wide wooden crate. She didn't notice Millie there until her friend and partner softly cleared her throat. "Did you tell Mr. Vash?" she whispered.

Meryl nodded, not daring to look up as her vision blurred with tears. Meryl reached up and touched the little necklace he'd left for her before he had gone that last time. The jewel's blue was the color of the immortal sky, the color of his eyes. She smiled. "He's gone, Millie..."

"Don't worry! We'll see him again one day, Sempai! I know we will. Don't you worry."

* * *

Far away, Vash watched the suns rise on the little shack, watched as it was engulfed by the bright light of the suns. _I promised... One day. _

One day, he'd come back, if only for a moment... if only to stand right here and observe them, unseen.

He turned away. He had a lot to do. Knives was waiting for him close by.

It wasn't like he expected to change Knives. He'd realized that particular goal's futility recently. No amount of physical pain or force could alter a person's views. Only Knives could change himself. All Vash could do was give him the tools to make that change possible, and see if Knives used them.

Even now, Knives hated the humans they shared this world with. He thought of them as flawed beings, unworthy of existence. As long as Vash was with him, though, he could counter Knives, each forever the other's stalemate.

This was what he was destined to do. Perhaps...one day, they would free the Plants. Doc was working hard to make that possible. But that day was far in the future. For now, Vash had his work cut out for him. A smile crossed his face. This was what he was meant to do. This was something he could do...for today.

Tomorrow, maybe his goals would have changed, but now...

Vash crossed the hill and saw his brother exactly where he had known he would be.

"Knives."

It didn't hurt to go, this time. He was ready. Closing his eyes, Vash wished the girls goodbye for one last time. When he opened them again, he had wiped bis face clean of emotion. "Let's go, Knives."

Silently, his brother followed.

_

* * *

_

I, Meryl Stryfe, of the Bernardelli Insurance Society, am writing my final report on the outlaw Vash the Stampede. Now that he is gone, he no longer poses a threat to the agency, and therefore I would like to request that I and my partner Millie Thompson be removed...

Once the two of them had been taken off of Vash's detail, there had been very little to do. All of her coworkers sent word to her and asked many questions, but Meryl wasn't in the mood to answer any of them. The society sent her to take the vacation she'd been saving up for years. She would be gone for a while.

Meryl wrote quick letters to the few people she knew in the city. She'd never been much of a friendly neighbor, so very few messages were sent. Millie, however, flooded the post with gargantuan stacks of farewells. Meryl told Millie many times that she did not need to leave.

"I made my own decision, Millie. I don't have any regrets staying here. In fact...I think this is what I _want_ to do. But you don't have to. You have an awful lot of family you won't be able to see for a long time."

"Don't worry, Sempai! I talk to them through letters most of the time since we're always gone. And my big big brother always says that I should find something I want to do and go for it! And I want to do this."

Millie had looked out of the window, away to the horizon, and Meryl knew she was thinking of Wolfwood.

"He'd like this," Millie said.

"Okay. Millie..."

They had both stood.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

Millie beamed. "Oh, no problem, Sempai! It'll be lots of fun."

Once they had taken care of their business in the city, she and Millie left the shack and joined Doc at the remains of Sky City, doing what they could to help him in his goal of harnessing solar and wind power. Seeing his progress brought Meryl hope. Perhaps there really was a way, a true compromise to this situation.

They'd never know unless they tried.

And maybe...just maybe, Vash would return some day.

Meryl wanted to be sure that she would have something special to show him. Forget waiting. Forget following. She wanted to do something to change this place.

* * *

"Aww, Sempai, lookit!"

In New Oregon, Millie smiled as the two of them wandered the street before sunset, shopping for goods. Doc helped all the others, but he always seemed to forget about himself. It was a wonder the ancient artifact of a man was still ticking. The two girls had made it their job to keep the workers fed. Millie, an apt strategist, helped out as much as she could, and Meryl soaked up information from the people around her. Meryl learned quickly, and was already assisting a young woman in her research.

She'd come with Millie today because the Doc had ordered her to get some fresh air.

"Sempai? Have the suns gotten to you?" Millie asked jokingly. "Look over there."

Meryl snapped up. Her eyes wandered to a light pole, where a news report was stapled. "Sighting of Outlaw Vash the Stampede," she read aloud. Then she sighed. "Why won't these rumors just die?"

She walked up to the pole and looked at the old picture they had included below the headline, the photo that had once been on the wanted posters. Vash's face looked unbearably goofy, but if you knew where to look, you could see the sadness.

"Meryl?"

"Yes?"

"We should probably go."

Meryl nodded and stepped back. "Yeah."

A small voice interrupted her and she felt a tugging on her skirt. "_Heeey!_"

She started, stepping out of the way to see a little boy with messy, pale hair and blue eyes. His mother stood over him, shepherding him around the wandering people. "Dear, it's time to go."

He looked about five. "I don't wanna, mommy! I want some candy! Go back to the candy, mommy!"

"No. I already told you. We need to get food for Daddy. No candy today." The woman nodded to Meryl. "I'm very sorry."

"Aww! You're mean," The boy whined. "I want candy!"

The boy's pink lips stuck out in a defined pout as his eyes traveled up the light pole. "Who's that?" he murmured.

The mom's eyes glinted, as if she'd had a flash of inspiration. "That's Vash the Stampede. He's a bad, bad man. A crazy person, and he goes after people _who don't listen to their parents_. He might be watching right now."

"He might," Meryl said softly.

The harried mother smiled in relief. "See? That woman knows it, too. So be a good boy and come along."

"But he won't hurt a fly," Meryl continued, "so you don't need to worry at all. You should listen to your mom, though. Maybe one day you'll meet Vash."

"An evil outlaw!" the kid was yelling. "_Awe_some!"

Meryl smiled. _He might be watching..._

Her gaze scanned the twilight sky. Maybe.

Maybe one day.

"Let's go, Millie. There's still a lot of things we need to do." She smiled, and her friend smiled back.

"Okay!" Millie jumped up enthusiastically and followed Meryl. "I want pudding."

Meryl laughed.

Yes, there were a lot of things ahead of them, but they'd meet them as they came. If anything, Meryl had learned that from Vash. She stopped as a cool wind whispered over her, and she closed her eyes. "You better be all right, Vash, you broomhead. I'm counting on it." Her voice was covered by the wind, made almost inaudible.

"Sempai? Are you okay?"

Meryl stopped. She'd always been told to answer pleasantly to such a question. One's troubles were not to be shared. This time, though, she answered honestly. "Yeah. I am. I'm fine."

They had fallen, but this planet would stand again. Many had died, but so many more could live. Things could change.

They would change.

"I'm fine," Meryl repeated. The wind was cool and refreshing... new. "Let's go get your pudding, okay? And Doc needs something sweet. Donuts. Let's get him doughnuts."

Millie laughed and skipped off, and Meryl wandered behind, enjoying the breeze.**

* * *

**

**Author's Notes:** _Thank you to everyone who's read this. Thanks for sticking it out with me, and special thanks to all those who have reviewed! I appreciate every single review that was given and I hope I was able to reply to them all. Anyway...I hope the ending is okay. I didn't want it to be really cliche. I tried to develop the characters throughout this story and show that they had finally accepted some things and come to terms with themselves, and I hope I was able to make some progress in that. Thanks again. Later, everyone! _


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